If anyone knows me, they know I hate liars and I rarely, if EVER say a lie myself. I also have this preference that’s considered star quality to have: Taking the higher road. There are times when I desire nothing more than to stoop to someone’s filthy miserable demonic level. But I won’t. Then there are times when revenge could be rather fucking sweet! However, waiting to strike at the perfect time preferably when shit can hit on a real personal level.. as I assist HR in the firing of your job knowing you have a mortgage to pay, 4 kids to feed including a wife is the fucking sweetest. *lick lips to the death*
Listen, there’s right and then there’s wrong. Some people fight for justice. (Like me! This may be the Superhero within me, besides the Villian that lurks in the backseat with Pearl Jam‘s shotgun.) Some folks avoid throwing up their hands. Not because they’re defenseless. They apparently don’t give a shit, prefer not to be bothered all so they remain brainless like cattle. Where’s the round of applause for these muthafuckers? And then there are people who rather kill and sleep with a notorious secret until their graves come a’knocking. I guess it all depends on your their/character? Still though, I know two wrongs don’t make a right yet they can make things even ..so it seems.. But I only adhere to that when it’s completely necessary and not because I find my life completely uninteresting that I take it upon myself to stir the best drama known to man.
What is this about? Taking that High Road. Despite my associate’s pretend friendship with me. I won’t let her jealousy become something personal to my vision. There’s been quite a few instances when she attacks me for no apparent reason reminding me of my Bipolar mother. It’s pretty evident she hates her life, her job, her physique among other things. But does it make it right how she displays her misery by lashing out on others? It speaks volumes about her character. Yet she doesn’t understand why I keep her at arm’s length.
This time around she dares to lie to me and announces how one of her (imaginary?) friends on Facebook has informed her of my Squat and how I should straighten my back. Firstly, her friend has no way of seeing my photo. I’m not friends with them and I changed my Setting to be Protected or what have you not so long ago. She couldn’t woman up and tell me how she REALLY feels about what’s underneath. Second, this is coming from two suckers who clearly have no experience in personal training, exercising, biomechanics, body alignment, an eye for body positioning, workout techniques, injuries, trigger points, DOMS or has even worked the life of trial and error among other technical and non-technical shit I can list. It’s completely unfortunate that this is the same lady who comes to me directly for advice about Training and Diet while complaining and whining like this. This is what she mention after I asked her, “Are you patient?”:
“No I’m not. In a funk now. My job is stressful. I’m always grumpy. I jus feel like giving up n jus being fat. Jus to lose, I’m gaining n it takes months to see results. I’ll go to nyc n everyone is gonna jus see me chubby. N u kno Puerto ricans saying wit they feel.
At wrk Idk y I bring so many healthy snacks. I eat when I’m bored, or stressed. I’m a compulsive eater. I eat to eat. Not cuz km hungry.
I jus wish I was thin again.”
And my response (see below) is the same I would give any ordinary person despite my on the surface feelings. I’m aware how I can be a bitch. I’m also aware that I can influence and shape a person’s mind. So, why not use my good despite the shit she tries to inflict? When all is said and done Karma is going to bless me in return. ;)
Every woman in my family has given up and chose to be fat. I tried that for a few years and felt miserable everyday. I didn’t even feel confident in the sexual department anymore. I say if it makes you happy than GO for it. Some people live thick/fat lives and are happy. It’s possible. I know it doesn’t make me happy. And I rather keep fighting until I get to where I want to be. It separates me from others. It’s easy to give up. It’s harder to fight. I have faith in you. But patience and discipline is what you need day in and day out. Those are the main ingredients.
Maybe you aren’t ready to do this and will come back to it once you’re ready. That’s happened to me before. Being bored and hungry? Hm. I used to be that way too. Once in a while it happens but I do my best now to control it with: a handful of almonds or a 5oz glass of red sweet wine. This is one reason why I stop watching TV because sitting in front of it would keep me at mindless eating. So rather than eat, I drink lots and lots of water. Now I can watch shows on Netflix and it keeps my eyes, mind and ears busty and away from eating.
Do you drink water? I buy the biggest bottle/gallon I can find. Or fill up my Liters with Brita from the fridge in the morning/afternoon. I bring lots of water everywhere I go and this is why my bag is always heavy. But on the plus side it works out my traps. :)
You just have to change your attitude and perspective about losing weight. Yes. It’s difficult. Yes. You’re going to need patience. And yes YOU’RE the only one held accountable. It truly is up to you whether or not you want to keep fighting for something that would make you happy when all is said and done. And if not, then can you admit to settling down and giving up? ;)
I like to document my shit!