Monthly Archives: May 2012

Admirers Come In Vaginas Too


There’s a gift I have (I mean, what else could it be?) where people are magnetically drawn to me whether it’s a child (not sure how since I dislike children?), men (no shit!) and women (for some reason).  I know men like pretty things and Americans enjoy big jugs and they have a dick and they think every vagina they come across in the city is an outlet to plug in.  But when it comes to women and what they like about me I’m as a clueless as a person who sits down and realizes they don’t practice a word of the philosophy they speak.

I wanted to ask this one gal who clearly was a dyke and clearly had a huge crush on me (said her action of stalking me outside of my Automotive Body and Repair classes) until she locked the bathroom door behind us and tried to kiss me dead on.  Still til this day many of my friends theorize:  You act too masculine Pennington and that’s why women are attracted to you.  But this can’t be correct because men would be attracted to feminine men as well, if I went by this?  No?  I don’t know?

Anyhow, every now and again since I’ve been training in the gym since 2003 there are two types of women who check me out:  Those who are jealous and those who actually admire me.  I never paid attention to the first types of women because there aren’t many women who can compete with who I am or even how much I lift or volume.  And as far as my admirers are concern I never fully paid them any attention, at first.

Until one night my brother pointed out this very pretty caramel-complexion twenty-something lady who’s eyes would follow me everywhere I lifted.  Since I went on a regular basis during the time I had extra time to observe.  One night leaving out the doorway my brother said, “good night” to her but she didn’t respond.  Instead she turned to me and said, “Good night.  Have a nice holiday” in a very flirtatious kind of way as if she’s in love, completely googly-eyed.  I looked at her type of admiration to be truly thoughtful and always took the time to be nice to her.

Then there was this other admirer in a form of a Zumba instructor.  I took a few of her classes. Mostly to work my grind and vagina in the air when I needed to boost up my sex-esteem (due to menstruation).  It works!  Whatever.  What I thought was strange however is every week after she was done teaching her class she would hang out with me until I CLOSED down the gym.  At first she would talk to me about some guy who she was head over heels over (I believe because he’s a millionaire) and how he just treated her like a booty call.

The she started to talk about her loneliness (which I tend to think horniness)and the greenlight smacked my head when it was time for me to change out my uniform.  She would follow me into the locker room (every single time) and guess who all of a sudden decided they need to change as well?  She’d chatted up a fucking dictionary while never sucking in breath saying something about her tits that went in one ear and out the other and tried to make conversation about my tits.

And one flip of her sports bra when I had my back turned and BAM!  Her breasts were out and I scratched my head with fake intention not sure who’s more nonchalant her tits or her?  Now some might consider this type of attention and boldness lucky (probably straight men? perhaps a lesbian?) as she patted her sweaty shining breasts with a towel.  But I assure you I was utterly dreadful inside.  Why me?  Why does this always happen to me?  I got the fuck out the building quick as lightning and I stop taking her Zumba classes.

Now why am I bringing this up?  Glad you asked!  Last night after I finished my workout at the gym right as I was about to head out exhaustively my coworker introduced me to this gal.  First thing I noticed was this gal mentioned she saw me working out (which I wondered:  how as I only workout where the men are in the basement lifting rawrs?  so she must have watched and scoped during) and her eyes grew big in buggy excitement.

I automatically felt on my vibe that this chica is giving me a certain kind of vibe.  (Although yeah I could be undergoing a case of normal paranoia?)  But as my coworker kept talking about how she has to lose weight and drain a fatty tissue from her bulging chin because she’s now 300lbs, this gal (who I’ll nickname Hazel-Eye) would not leave.  I tested the situation (by staying a bit longer), snacking on a Perfect Zone bar, finishing it along with hearing a lecture about going back to school and how do I always make sure to workout?  And this gal would not leave.

Actually she didn’t leave until I told my coworker I have to bounce to make it to the market on time.  She walks out with me and starts talking about, “Can we workout together?”  And of course I’m not going to say no to anyone who wants to workout PERIOD!  But I’m thinking this is how I bag dudes numbers by telling them, “Hey we should workout sometime.”  Is she doing the same?  Unfortunately I don’t have the answers.  Still we walked to the train station, exchanged numbers and we chatted until out trains came.

Signing off skeptical as fuck.

-Pennington

Ah, when you see the face that makes your blood race…


Firstly:  Forgive the paragraphs.  For some strange reason the space bar, html, wordpress, something isn’t giving in to me.  Secondly:  Enjoy the story here.  Please fuck these paragraphs.  They make me so frustrated that I also wouldn’t want it to get to you too. :D

The title is exactly how I felt when I saw Mr. Stifler come into the gym Friday night in say a month.  I know I re-opened the possibility by sending him an email to come on over despite the short-circuit dates that took place between us.

I know I crushed his ego until I could see his blue eyes shriveled in murky awkwardness under my copious influence.  But the truth is:  I do like him and his feverish enthusiasm for life.  So why fuck up his flow?  Ah, because he didn’t eat my pussy on the third date.

He waltzed coolly through the gym doors and I didn’t realize it was him at first as I was distracted by other admirers by the welcome desk.  And then it sunk in like Michael Jackson’s ~ Remember The Time.  My mental Rolodex, that, yes, this, was, the guy, who I, was…His face.

Memories came flooding back at the moment of my hypersexual drama and just around the corner:  Ovulation weakness a.k.a when bad decisions take place.  If I could have fallen to my knees from the buckle of my every feeling between my lusty-thirsty body while calling out to him (or anyone for that matter)…I would, ya know, in my head.  Mostly.  ;)

I told him numerous times on our dates,
“You know why I keep seeing you?”
“Why?”
“Because I like your face.”
“I like your face too.”
“I even like your face when I can see how evil you are when you smile.”
“You’re just as cold-hearted as me.”
“I am.  But it’s under different terms.”

So I’m thinking about starting things back up with him, even though on one end the mystery is gone.  (Yes, I mean this sexually.)  But not all, first being I still don’t know how he eats pussy.  Maybe he has quite a few more sexual tricks I’ve yet to experience because he does have some Moves Like Jagger especially with his fingers and skilled twisting motion.

He did almost make me cum (though I deny it).  But I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.  (The usual.)  Still I know he believes deep down inside he’s a passionate lover.  But he isn’t.  He’s cold like his heart.  However I see the vast potential already.  We are sexual titans and with this, it seems silly not to give it another go.  After all I always do anything twice to make sure I’ve reached my final conclusion.

Besides, he has quite a few other traits that appeal to me like his specialty of countering everything a person says with some form of logic, fact, positivity or by revealing natures higher than fortune card.

And I never did mention how he memorizes poetry such as E. E. Cummings and Edgar Allan Poe and recites an entire poem over dinner.  I mean, what if there were..and can be more?.. Not a relationship.  Just companionship, benefits while getting to know one another angels and demons while creating more demons and angel memories?

I pulled the trigger tonight.

-Pennington

Sexual Filler Songs



I’m currently a hypersexual wildebeest meaning anything sets me off such as a piece of fabric caressing my skin to flirting with the coworker who’s dying to eat my pussy in the babysitting room at the gym.  I’m a sexual monster and I mean this in the most repulsive manner.  I’m completely ill with my days and nights of gargantuan hormones.  Currently speaking, no amount of Cardio, Yoga or Weightlifting has cured it this time around, not even a spec.

I’ve been scouting the gym and looking for possibles as if I were in some local bar.  I fantasized about picking one out, treating him to coffee where I’d perform my needs analysis and put my wicked talent of people character on the table for sex.  My stare is fully manic and my eyes are hypnotic demonic, with mouth ajar and head tilted slightly to the side with a flame-broiled horny face.

Earlier today before passing by a male stranger I gave him sultry squinting bedroom eyes with my lips puckered into a bodacious smooch.  I don’t normally like getting attention.  But I enjoy giving it to others and letting their mind race with entertaining thoughts of me and what I can do.  I play the part of a person’s fantasy very well just like an Oscar actress, a Porn Star or a beloved hooker.  He never saw it coming and I knew as he kept walking he wondered was it aimed towards me? and was it intentional? Yes. Yes it fucking WAS!

Being that I’ve been wildly consumed by my needs and desires and never consumed by the thought of actually and literally masturbating I thought to come up with a list of songs I listen to when I’m feeling hypersexual.  Some may get a kick out of this because some of you fuckers openly masturbate to me while others may actually get to probably enjoy a new tune.  Unless of course, you’ll be willing to let me in on one of the songs you play when you’re feeling extra frisky? :D

1. Heidi Montag – Body Language
2. Oro Solido – La Tanga
3. Blondie – Call Me
4. Lana Del Rey – Lolita (Or Lolyta)
5. The Raconteurs – Broken Toy Soldiers
6. Norah Jones – Turn Me On
7. Sade – Is It A Crime
8. Country Strong Soundtrack – Shake That Thing!
8. Wynter GordonDirty Talk
9. Donna SummerLove To Love You Baby
10. Calvin Harris – Feel So Close
11. Britney Spears – Selfish
12. Shakira – La Tortura
13. Flashdance Soundtrack – Manhunt
14. Maroon 5 – Stutter
15. Janet Jackson – Throb
16. Metro Station – Shake It
17. Junior Reid – One Blood
18. Fiona Apple – The First Taste
19. Enrique Iglesias – I’m Fucking You
20. Billy Idol – Rebel Yell

-Ms. Hall

The Tides



I’ve built up everything in these feelings
Without thought.
The way they rushed over me
Like runaway daughters
Who fought.
I wish I could tell you
How much I miss you
Despite the million missiles
In revolt.
And I wish I could keep things
Simple like shades
And never know the difference
between light
And of what fades.
And I wish I could say
Love is enough
To brighten the greys.
But I’m no fool because
The heart’s name is Jack
And with all the trades.
It betrays.

I held on for so long
To every obese memory
Overstayed my welcome
Listening to old songs.
We were trying to
Strengthen our wrongs
But what came about
Were melodies
Of unsung tongues.
I wish I could help you
Carry on.
Assist beyond
Coming out of oneself
Locating that inner calm.
For when blame
Is passed like a baton
Everyone cries like Miss Saigon.
And oh how the moments were blonde!
Every Don Juan I kissed
Never brought you back
My black swan.

And I was on repeat
Of a fantasy of us laughing.
Then every chuckle was on delete
Because It worked better in my head
Daring and smashing!
Even the rough drafts
And imaginary monologues
And paragraphs
I wrote on sticky pads.
Those fucking arguments
And the realization of the end
From the middle of which we stood
By the marvellousness of our youth.
Was I not your muse?
Or you mine?
And in those mistakes
Of devotion and abuse
Did we seldom refuse
To pay our dues
When they embarked within truth?

I loved you.

-Pennington©

Family, Exposure & Monogamy


Somewhere between the age of twenty-nine and thirty I’ve learned to stop being super strong mentally and to stop being selfish when it comes to people who may not love me in the way common people hold on to their ideal definition of what it’s like to be family.  But things are what they are.  Many times it’s better if one understood sooner than later:  It’s okay to cutoff the systematic approach of over-complicating your life just because you FEEL it’s important or at the very least are filled with bottomless need of something (anything) to continually complain about because it consists of your selfishness and attachment to life.

The thing that bugs me out is how I had the type of childhood where I couldn’t wait to grow the fuck up.  So by the time I made it out my teenage years I ran away from my family as far as I fucking could hoping to deny who, what and where I came from.  (But never to the extent of my pathological liar brother who’s so shameful he tells everyone he’s from Greece.)  At first it was spectacular and I forgot somebody’s sperm and somebody’s egg created me.  In the middle of my twenties I had the hardest time forgiving my family when it was me I needed to forgive.  FUCK THEM!

Than some time last year until the present I realized just how much I’ve missed out on everybody else’s life like my one cousin who was shot 7 times by another man’s envy yet survived somehow.  Or how my other cousin has now been diagnosed with being bipolar and schizophrenic ever since he spaced the fuck out and shat in the living room of his house and started to finger-paint.  Then came my grandfather’s multiple heart attacks and aunt’s breast cancer.

Still what throws me for the biggest loop is catching up with my family brings me back to the thought of “Holy shit!  So I’m REALLY am a part of this dysfunctional family” especially when we started to share sex stories.  My aunt M (scratch that!) everyone in my family talks openly about sex in a way that is just like breathing air along with casual humor.

She starts out by saying how her last relationship was horrible and had to end it because the guy didn’t know how to fuck let alone eat pussy.  Than my mother chimed in with, “Why didn’t you teach him?”  “Aye no!  I don’t like teaching.”  I butted in, patted my mother on the back with a chuckle and said, “Well on my end it must be genetics.”  We all laughed, until my mother killed it by saying “My daughter must be the same good lover as me.”  ><

I can’t deny what lacks or breeds within me.  I’m bound by blood and shit.  Yeah, I know a lot of everything happens to be about exposure, and of course, about the very things we frequently collect such as our moral codes.  And I’m not sure, entirely why, I feel like speaking about this, except for the fact that it’s in the forefront of my mind but:  Monogamy.

Some people believe in it and others don’t.  Either way I believe it stems (typically and/or sometimes) from our introduction at home and no matter how anybody makes it seem Monogamy is a Personal Choice (and unnatural ;)).  Monogamy and I don’t get along simply because I look at this word and the baggage it comes with as a matter of possession, not of love or kindness.  And growing up I didn’t have anyone to help me look at it otherwise (nor do I want to at this point in time :D).

In my family, every single person I’m aware of cheats on their partner, spouse, lover, boyfriend, girlfriend with someone at some point of their lives whether they believed they had a good reason for it or not.  The other day I was telling my nonexclusive partner once again:  How I rather be in an open-relationship than the closed one we used to share for the thousand time.   And I used the story my aunt M told everyone in the kitchen to prove the point of why I feel I am the way that I am:  Her son (who’s her favorite by the way) calls her daily on the phone to speak about how he met someone (WHO IS NOT HIS WIFE) who has the fattest ass.

M never mentioned whether he’s already being unfaithful but goes on to say, “I can’t tell him he shouldn’t cheat or mess around with other girls.  He’s just twenty-three years old and married young with an 8-month year old baby.  He needs to experience and have his adventures.  But I tell him he has to delete all the text messages he sends out and receives quickly because his wife who’s already insecure about herself will leave him and she’ll never let me see my grandson again..especially if she found out I was giving him this kind of advice.”

I always felt that before you get into a “closed” relationship with anyone you should learn as much as possible about where their family comes from and what their core values are and what their culture reflects and yada yada yada.  Example:  I dated a Chinese man years ago and never knew I was dating an entire custom so deep that behind my back his toxic family would set him up on dinner dates with Chinese women for an arrange marriage in the near future.

Another important factor is just how great or poor their parenting skills are in terms of these great examples that are not to be taken likely and based on true stories:  Are they the kind of parents to help their children get away with actual murder, such as allowing their son/daughter to pass HIV to their current partner even though the entire family knows about it?  Or are they the type of parents who want the best for their children and actually guide them slightly into leading a fulfilling life with their girlfriend/boyfriend, but have enough decency to never personally conflict their own lives?

Lastly, no matter how much your husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend claims to not get along with their parents (like me!) children (no matter how old we become) tend to shadow their first little-known role-models.  It’s hard to be something we aren’t when we primarily are created in our parents image (or whoever we grew up with).  To avoid a situation like the story above (in a sense) it helps to know where your partner came/comes from because (more than likely – unless they experienced a traumatic experience that takes them completely out from who they were) that’s where they’re heading.  Unless again, you come from my family and it’s unfaithful exposure where it’s AUTOMATICALLY AND LITERALLY ENCOURAGED TO HAVE AN AFFAIR/CHEAT.

I’m not saying I condone awful behavior like cheating on your significant other and hope the secrets you’re busy covering up won’t catch up to you (because they will).  What I am saying is I have an understanding and a knack for why people decide to make the personal choice of being mindfully faithless according to the in’s and out’s of my family.  Key word:  Exposure.

Thoughts are welcome.

-Penn

Happy Chatter


“LOGIC trumps the heart.” -N.V.A.

I’m happy that I’m the kind of person who prefers to think.  I take Life sober.  I’m happy I’m not contained within a box ruled by each and every desire like an evil man who can’t separate between fact or fiction or want and need.  I’m happy I’m also the kind of person who has a knack for people and their behaviors on what makes them tic and what simply doesn’t.

Let alone how their views change of the world itself even when their world is motionless.  Here, here:  Cheat with the one who cheated on you.  You’ve adjusted your mind and altered your justifications of greed about monogamy as long as your wife doesn’t find out.  I’m happy I clue in instantly instinctively.

As humans, we want a bit of confirmation for the truth that freezes us in time and utter thought.  Yearning for confirmation however can be a terrible thing to honor in this meaninglessness existence we call Life by which we are slaves to what we say or what another person feels.  Cause and effect and so on are dangerous little bits looking for their part in their methods of a way to survive.

I’m pretty happy how I’m getting closer to the point where I’ll be completely free from the chains of a nine year history.  I’m happy I’m an individual to be able to clarify the obvious:   To become aware of the fact that when something isn’t working, it isn’t a matter of weighty will or even about executing precise action.  But of constructing a never-ending plan full of alternatives and priorities.. not of temperamental promises or the ever-changing compromises of a circumstantial reaction.

“Follow your mind, not your heart” in this is where I thrive in my happiness of chatter.

-PH

START SOMETHING: A REMINDER


(IT’S ABOUT TIME I REMIND MYSELF OF WHO I AM.)

I DON’T KNOW.
I DON’T KNOW.
I DON’T KNOW.

IF I CAN DEADLIFT 195LBS, 200LBS OR 210LBS FOR 5 REPS WITH SUPERB FORM. SOMETIMES A LITTLE BODY ENGLISH IS NEEDED FOR ADDITIONAL GREED.  CAN I SMELL THE ALLURE? TORCH THE STORM IN THE NAME OUT OF NORM?  HOW MANY TIMES MUST I AUTO-SUGGEST THE BEST OF THE DAY’S MANTRA AND SURRENDER RIGHT IN THE DAWN OF MY TANTRA?  DEVELOP MY MIND UNTIL IT’S OVERLY PREPARED AND WITHIN THE PROCESS BECOME CONSIDERABLY IMPAIRED? BECAUSE TOO MUCH TIME MEANS TO THINK AND SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF THE UNDECLARED.

IF THERE’S ONE THING I DESPISE IT’S BEING SLIGHTLY FRIGHTEN DESPITE THE HEART AND STRENGTH OF A TITAN.  TO BE OUT OF ONE’S COMFORT ZONE IS TO BECOME HEAVILY ENLIGHTEN.   SO YES, PENNINGTON, IT’S TOTAL BULLSHIT!  IF THERE’S ONE THING THAT PUSHES US OVER THE REPS, SETS AND GETS US THROUGH THE LIFTS, IT’S THE THUNDEROUS ANGER, THE MANY GEARS AND SHIFTS OF THE COLOSSAL RAGE OF NOT GETTING THE END RESULT TO FULLY STICK.

IT TOOK ME THREE TOTAL WORKOUTS TO GET PAST THE MILITARY PRESS.  WAS I HAPPY?  NO!  WAS I THRILLED WHEN I PUSH THROUGH THE RESISTANCE EVEN WHEN IT WAS TRYING TO CRUSH ME WITH ITS TENSION LAUGHING.. ENOUGH TO THROW MY INTELLIGENCE FOR A LOOP – AURA SCATTY?  FUCK YEAH!  FUCK YEAH!  BUT I REMAINED COOL.  COOLER THAN A PEPPERMINT PATTY.  COOLEST LIKE THAT TROPHY WIFE ON THE ARM OF AN ATM FATTY!

I KNOW I CAN GET X AMOUNT OF REPS IN.  I HAVE THE GUTS AND HERCULEAN DEPTHS TO TAKE BRASS BALLS ON MY CHIN.  THE FIRE, THE GLUTTONOUS BLOOD EDGING ME ON WITH FERVOR LIKE THE COMPULSIVE NEED FOR ONE-HUNDRED AND ONE LOVERS MIDST A CARAVAN INN.  I HAVE THE LIFTING DISEASE AND THERE ISN’T ANYONE WHO CAN SAVE ME!

-PENNINGTON

He Loves Her


There’s something special about a man who loves the tiger stretchmarks of his woman’s body.

Who appreciates and accepts

The cottage display under the glutes by her hamstrings.

The man who eats his tongue when a woman cuts his ego slowly, giving him tremors of both: Pain and Rebirth.

Within; the orange glow of his soul rises.

-Pennington

The Fright Fact List



Sometimes I play the tough woman in real life, even on television (wait – what?), on my blogs to family and associates alike who I truly believe share the same shady characteristics because they’re human and overly emotional.  However I especially dish out tough love (even when it’s ever so exhausting to keep up an act or two) when I have to shut shit (or men) down.  But I’m truly a sweet loving one-of-a-kind sometimes timid gal who blushes when you and I least expect.

So I decided to share a list of things that genuinely scare me (in one way or another) to display the fact that even though I can be a robot at times, underneath the heavy-duty guards I’m human too – unfortunately.  To keep the list short I figured I skip the explanations and examples.  These aren’t in any particular order.   By the way, if I peak(ed) your curiosity feel free to point it out or ask me in the box below.  In general, I don’t bite.  But I LIFT SHIT! ;)

1. Thunder.
2. Waterbugs.
3. Of the dark.
4. Big penises.
5. New exercises.
6. Frying food.
7. Experimenting with new vegetables.
8. Running out of inspiration.
9. Not having new addictions.
10. Constructing a plan.
11. Getting sick.
12. Women.
13. Other people’s perceptions/expectations of me.
14. Dealing with money.
15. Losing weight.
16. Losing muscle.
17. Losing a limb.
18. Never using my talents.
19. Never having a best friend.
20. Dying in a car crash.

What scares you?

-Pennington