I have to vent!
There’s a lot I don’t like about humans and people as a whole. Like their greed, selfishness, insecurities, weakness, blame game, dishonesty, justification, belief systems and utter endless bullshit.
Here’s a scenario: I’m sitting down with two of my coworkers (Y and C) who I both truly adore when they aren’t being catty, jealous or judging others (including myself). We are having a pleasant time spilling our happiness into Screwdrivers and Sex on the Beach drinks taking the night in supporting one of their boyfriend’s live Rock Band gigs when this coworker Y starts venting to us about another coworker (who thankfully wasn’t with us at the time and who I really like despite her reputation of being an airhead). What gets me exactly is she doesn’t grasp the real point of what she should be making underneath it all.
Her blurts are simple. So simple she can’t see the truth behind it. She says, “This gal J is always late for work. I don’t understand why. Then when she comes into work she says she’s tired. But what is she tired of? What could this young twenty-something year old girl be tired of? When her own mothers watches her son when she’s at work. So what does she do when she’s not at work? I’m sure nothing.”
Rather than Y say, “I’m jealous because I have two jobs because I want to be a supermom and allow all my three children and a grandson to take full advantage of me until I die. I’m envious because she can actually have downtime and do whatever she wants rather than take some responsibility for coming into work late” she rather mention the above.
And I can’t respect people with their character being all out of, well, character. It’s not J’s fault that she doesn’t need to work two full-time jobs and have zero days off. It’s also awesome that she didn’t choose to pop out three children who will suck her nipples until they fall off for dear life leaving her body frigid, bitter and cold. So who’s the smarter one? I only hear one of them talking about the other.
Scenario two: My friend gets into a car accident for lord knows probably the tenth time and chooses to pity himself a pyramid of sudden death to a material attachment. Yet he wants me to get in on the pity party.
But why? When one: You only need one person to pity? Yourself! Two: Why empathize if evidently he drives carelessly with complete zero fucks given? Third: Why hasn’t he learn the lesson of giving EXTRA fucks when being behind the wheel (because fuck the car that just got trashed by your own doing!) but because you refuse to appreciate your life to begin with?
But placing the blame outside himself has always been the name of his game because it wasn’t his fault. I like to believe being honest however is a much better claim to being in control of your own life. I’m afraid people think the opposite.
Scenario three: FUCK THIS! You get the point!
Where do I start?
I want to have sex with this gym member who I’ve had a crush on for a little while now. I’m used to dating, flirting, playing show me yours and I show you mines to just plain sex with my co-workers (if I trust them). But not with gym members.
It has been an unspoken rule for years. Not to say I’ve never dated any of these members. But I just never went pass first base with any of them. No one has ever been good enough to convince me out of my inner workings. And in my case, liquor courage doesn’t help if you don’t drink liquor.
So somewhere between reading about Procrastination and needing some excitement in my life. I voiced to gym member (who I’ll call) Mr. Stifler two weeks ago during a conversation of heavy bag and mixed martial arts how I found him to be good-looking. By the end of the second week he asked me out to dinner for Sunday like a casual mess.
Obviously, the initial thought of sex is there because we both expressed our attraction towards one another. Then it became obvious over dinner at the Thai place that we both aren’t looking for relationships and (unlike other females I presume he’s been with), how I don’t need drinks to be brave because I am comfortable in my skin. Still when I expressed to Mr. Stifler how I don’t see the point in drinking, he chimed with his charming jerk self, then you’re not drinking enough.
Ah, peer pressure, excitement, lights, highness, left me with 3 big drinks in my belly on a practically empty stomach because who eats when attraction and flirtatiousness is filling up your appetite in itself?
Here’s my deal: My heart and mind belongs to another, although we aren’t exclusive because of my terms. So I don’t need anybody else’s love, devotion or affection. I don’t require it at all.
However what I fancy is to have lots of desirable fun with someone who can keep me on my toes and can make me bend my principles and morals for a night or weekend or two. This can involve having sex with new food tastes, getting an arm/shoulder workout from playing bowling or making out drunk in Dave & Buster’s with a guy who takes me out of myself right before I have to go and get a training session in.
My only issue is I don’t consider myself to be any good (anymore) in terms of just hooking up and making the home-run happen. I matured a little bit too much apparently. And the hardest part before practice is just getting started, right?