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Mammoth Crush: Dark Knight 2


Dark Knight

Here’s the first part.

During the months to come I was consumed to have my Dark Knight more than ever because rejection fuels me. The universe fueled me in its spinning axis and I couldn’t find a way to let go. Eventually I decided to embark on a Desire Spell in February on the coming of a new bright moon with hopes and dreams of overcoming this mammoth crush. I rubbed the candle with all my energy, heart and focus. I made love to myself on the floor while menstruating and took the blood and smeared it with our names already inscribed by a knife and chanted my hearts desire over and over again until I felt all was sealed. I ended it off with the most important words: If it’s not meant to be than don’t allow it to ever happen.

In April I thought of Dark Knight, I thought of the desire spell and how it had a year to work. However I transitioned my thinking into more positives and being productive in my waking life all the while burying my emotions for this man. Fast-forward and the summer months zipped by and now I could finally bear to look him in his face without an ounce of feeling washing over me unlike last January when I cried wanting to spend New Year’s with him. Fall was rolling on in quick and just about the same time of year when we spent much time together, the binding circle. By September his attitude changed drastically and he flirted with me in front of others unveiled and freely.

Within long hallways in front of gym members and coworkers he would hug me 3 times in a row, reaching out to grasp my clothing and pull like a kid who whined at mama for attention. This time around his “thanking me’s” were on a rich personal level during my moments of high-intensity cardio and he would randomly text me asking me if I were okay when I posted Facebook statuses of uneasiness or male stalkers. I had tiny wonders about his new stance but knew better than to fall for his hot and coldness. Then one night he kept smiled and looked me deeply in the eyes and said, “I had a dream about you, it was very sensual, and the entire dream had a real big impact on me.”

Once October came about everything changed completely, all the coworkers planned to go to a 5-star restaurant to celebrate the weekend life and when I asked Dark Knight if he was also coming along he stated with his ace of a smile beaming, “If you’re going, I’ll go.” I smiled and once again never took him seriously. But pondered when I got dressed up in an orange floral fitted blouse with a short loose skirt and pointed flats where he stared at me and stood speechless and wanted to say something more but stood on reserve and I in suspense.

In the dim steakhouse restaurant tension was building. Silently I saw my coworkers arguing with the grimaces of whose share the check was as I entertained others while they entertained me. I observed strangers walking by ogling my breasts which sat on the table while I sipped from multiple drinks as Mr. Dark Knight came to sit next to me and came clean about the past and he’s been in denial of his feelings for me for a very long time.

By the time we went to the pizza shop with half the crew we started at the beginning of the night and before the strip club he poured into my eyes with his chocolate almonds profoundly with the talk of if I wanted to get involved without labels while I puffed on a cigarette only to get more of a buzz from his words. I was in total disbelief but said yes.

And in the middle of naked women dancing, crowded room, bass booming, feeding cake, mooning people accidentally with my striped sporty green panty and in between Dark Knight’s clients who wanted to grope my breasts, swiping cards for drinks, drinks and more drinks, engaging in conversations with dirty old men, the best part was holding hands in the back of the cab secretly with Dark Knight away from everyone. The look and smile in his eyes were amazing with a sense of relief.

More barhopping and more drinks later everyone left one by one and it was just me and him vibing, his hand on my thigh, my eyes to the left right and middle of him. We closed down the bars on the blocks and broke night walking the city streets and my drunkenness died. He asked me to spend the night at his house but I knew if I did I would regret it more than if I didn’t. I wanted things to feel right and that didn’t. So on I went home in a cab where he called me and asked me nicely to touch myself while he touched himself. I was so nervous I couldn’t bring myself to an orgasm.

The next day when all the sober lit up my world and the disbelief quiet down until mere disappearance the question became, “Could I get truly involved with someone I idolize?”

P.S.

Should I write more about his story?

-Pennington

Shameless


Ms. Marvel 1

I haven’t been pissed off all day.  The day has been good to me and I honestly can’t complain although I tried on 6 pairs of Lululemon Athletica pants to find the perfect fit and eventually gave up though that was my Personal Best in a fitting room in my lifetime.  Oh and I failed with 2 1/2lbs dumbbells with a Master Trainer working on my rotator cuff injury.  But, the point is, I like to be angry.  So now I’ve been looking for something to upset me and naturally I found it!

Here’s the question:  Why would Pauline Nordin (creator and founder of FightDiet.com) openly and publicly bash Dana Linn Bailey (an IFBB Pro) on her Facebook Page?

I don’t understand it.  In general, I will never understand why women rather put one another down as oppose to lend a helping hand or “bigging them up” in the process of dedication and discipline in a world where we bleed monthly cycles, choose to give life and where religion crucifies us.  We need unity in order to reach the top globally.

Growing up I used to believe it was the men who kept women down (aside from powerful political positions, etc and such).  But the older I became, the more I started to observe how horrible women are to other women without rhyme or reason.  They just lash out for their own purpose, own agendas and quite possibly for no other reason than perhaps they didn’t bond with their biological mother or someone spilled coffee on their favorite blouse.  Who really knows?

So, no, I don’t agree with women hating on other women ESPECIALLY when it concerns bodysculpting and/or bodybuilding and all that applies concerning this subject.  It’s difficult for any woman to build muscle or to get super lean for thousands of reasons say hormones to holding a higher percentage of bodyfat than men.

And for a woman who’s supposed to be for women everywhere, who considers herself a business/professional woman and a public figure with lots of fans on her Facebook Page who constantly pushes her FighterDiet concept to everyone (to become lean and muscular) to state (while displaying a photo of DLB) that she finds another Fitness Model a Nay as oppose to a Yay and isn’t sexy or healthy is downright disgusting.  It says a lot about her character.  Mostly her flaws within them.

Why preach about being lean and muscular but get on another woman’s case for being exactly that?  It’s basically calling the kettle black.

For me, it’s important to have support, to never put people down even when they’re starting from a low place (or in this case super high place).  Naturally I would presume that the Fitness Industry should be here as a community of like-minded supportive individuals for crying out loud.  Granted we may not all see eye to eye or share the same physique ideals or have the same training/diet philosophies.  But this is why it’s important to be an individual, to be different, to be unique, to be humble, to have integrity.  But also to be respectful of others.

The fact remains that the Fitness Industry and the Fitness Enthusiasts and Pros should be the first to lend a healthy and high demand of concern and care for the very same people who put in their hard work and effort regardless of how one is perceived physically because their beliefs are “it’s not feminine or sexy-looking.”  And what does it matter to you/her if you aren’t the person you’re speaking of?  What’s feminine?  What constitutes as masculine?  Is it a label?  Or a matter of perception?  Are they illusions? Or a matter of stereotypes?

This woman Pauline isn’t immune to body issues like the millions of women on the universe.  There have been statuses and even blog related posts about how people get on her case for how she looks like:  Strong, muscly and very lean.  So to pick, give a public statement/opinion on another Pro’s body is outrageous and it comes off like a form of betrayal.  Mostly for every other woman who does take the art and sport of building muscle and getting lean seriously (which sadly, includes herself).

It’s 2012 and we’re going into 2013 and there are lots of women who still refuse to get a handle on things.  By things, I mean what’s wrong and what’s right. When it comes to assisting and encouraging other women with everything involving Fitness (and out of it) and their daily lives.  It’s a moral and dignity game.

Can women allow other women to live muscular and strong?  Can other women find it within themselves to learn how to be encouraging rather than put another woman down for being who she wants to be?  (Aside from sluts.  Fuck sluts! ;-))  When you judge someone based completely on looks (or money or what car they drive or what books they read), it says a lot about one’s character FLAWS.. especially when one is doing it in public for others (especially their fans) to see.

It’s utterly shameless.

-Pennington

Where’s The Loyalty?


What’s the first thing you think about when you hear the word: Loyalty? Do you naturally come up with the pet you own in your house? You know like a dog or a cat?  Do you think “Man this world has gone to shit, where even the companies I work for aren’t Loyal anymore?” Well, I’m going to touch on one topic only. Women, quite obvious to me, have an issue with being loyal to….

I’ve always been confused by the unfaithful culture, the joy turn backstabbing, the friendly or bitchy betrayal we’ve grown so accustomed to since childhood or with our own mothers, to why men love to be in the middle dedicating their own fabricated stories to both ends of the spectrum  in between two women friends who are about to have a friendship more broken than a mom who finds her rumored gay son to have hung himself.

Where is the loyalty between women?  Why does it seem so hard to get along with women?  Where did this start?  Why does it happen still til this day?  Do women not care about other women?  Why can men have best friends and not have to worry about ever ridding his best friend, even after his best friend sleeps with his woman?

I find something very wrong with this picture.
Despite my ways of being a different breed of woman.

Have you notice ladies, how you can grow up with your cousins/best friends and somewhere along the line, say by the time you’re 16 years old, something happens?  You guys have a falling out, but it was as soundless as giving your spouse the silent treatment. Never in your brain would you have imagined that the friend you did everything with (from abortions, to drunk wallowing parties, to clubbing, using men, lying to your parents, covering each others backs, to learning tricks from one another from making your pants tighter to squeezing into size 3 pants knowing you both were a size 5) wouldn’t be around anymore.

Have you notice how women are willing to give up their best friends over some guy? Wait let me repeat that again: HAVE  YOU EVER NOTICE HOW WOMEN ARE WILLING TO GIVE UP THEIR BEST FRIEND FOR A GUY? WHY? How and when did it become important for a woman to keep a man much closer than a friend? Again, where’s the loyalty among women? And why haven’t we, after so many generations, have done nothing to change this fact? Why is it hard to bond and bring a whole diversity of Sisterhood together. Why do all the men get to have all the fun with their guy friends? Does this last fact not bother enough women in the world to want to change?

I never understood why women find their men to be so important. I know women, FULL GROWN WOMEN who find having/being with a man to be a matter of Life and Death. To the point where they’ll more than easily and have more than easily given up their own kids, all for the chase. Last year I met 2 women, who I wanted so deeply to help and be great friends with. But as long as their men were around, they couldn’t get out of that negativity. One was getting abuse physically by her bodybuilding boyfriend. She thought he was vital to her life. And the other woman, well, let’s just say that CPS had to get involved of her boyfriend abusing her daughter. To make matters worse, he wasn’t the father. Why don’t these women see with clearer eyes as to how horrific all this truly is?

The majority of men will leave when they feel they’ve had enough of the qualities or vagina of a woman. Men will backstab a woman quicker than what the woman’s best friend is willing to do. But women are more than readily to overlook the many times her boyfriend/husband has stabbed a dagger through her back. This has always baffled me. And then I question, “Why?” Could it be security reasons? Could it be for companion reasons? Sex? There is nothing one man could possibly have that another man can’t have in the future. And definitely the majority of men aren’t worth giving a friend up for.

I also never understood those silly girls/women who have the nerves to leave their best friends/friends just because they have kissed or slept with their guy. Sex is a physical thing and some women need to understand that there’s nothing emotional about it, even if their men whines and says, “Yes sex is wonderfully and incredibly emotional when I have it with you.” It’s bullshit! Wait til he cheats on your ass because you aren’t doing something he wants you to do. Then, what happens? No best friend to cry to, eh? I’ve had friends in the past who has slept, kissed and whatever have you with my boyfriends. And I don’t give a fuck. Why should I? It was his and her choice. But I remained friends with her the next day because life is too short to not have any type of True Loyalty. And that’s what I look for in people.

Does my friend fucking my guy have anything to do with loyalty? No. And if you need proof, just ask yourself: Why can men be friends with their best man after he fucked the woman of his life? If they can do it! Women can do it too. Understand men place emphasis on different things as women do. And sex, once again, isn’t emotional, ladies. Ever heard the saying: “Women give sex to receive love and men give love to receive sex.” Who’s the idiot in this equation?

All this thinking came to light right after I notice that not one single one of my female friends from the past has come to search me through Facebook (as I have them). And I find it strange, (except it’s not really odd at all), how the only ones who searched for me were men. But men aren’t looking for loyalty, unless it has to do with their penis. Men only searched me because they want to have sex with me, because they figure if they didn’t have a chance with me back then, that they could try me out now. Maybe they think I’ve lowered my standards? ;)

And this led me to all this ramble: How is it hat women aren’t even loyal to get back and in touch  with the people who started out loyal to them in the first place?  In a way, this saddens me.

Pennington