I only know how to live life and find out more about myself through fear.
I’m scared of everything! There’s not a thing I’m not afraid of on this Earth. And though I present a tough exterior, I’m a softee deep within the fibers of my body. But I’m well-guarded with spikes around the edges. This works for me. I won’t change this.
Some of the things I was always afraid to do alone seem to be just as harmless as petting a mouse. But getting myself to perform something as simple as traveling to a store solo was like pulling scabs off my knees.
My anxiety would fume.
Some of the things that would be hard for me to do back in the days:
Ask for what I want at a counter, market or a store.
Sit down and have a meal at a diner or pizza shop all alone.
Making phone calls for appointments or calling out for deliveries.
Being loud, laughing or showing emotion in public.
I wouldn’t travel to the corner of a street or go to school solo.
These things would frighten me. And all I could think that might have started such a mess in my head was how my family kept me sheltered from the world. And in this shelter it was safe and quite comfortable. So once I started getting older and peering out to the world I found it was complete madness and anything could happen.
Nowadays I’m much better at keeping the anxiety at bay. I still remember the first time I had a slice of pizza at a shop all alone.
I did it!