Came A Long Way


I only know how to live life and find out more about myself through fear.

I’m scared of everything!  There’s not a thing I’m not afraid of on this Earth.  And though I present a tough exterior, I’m a softee deep within the fibers of my body.  But I’m well-guarded with spikes around the edges.  This works for me.   I won’t change this.

Some of the things I was always afraid to do alone seem to be just as harmless as petting a mouse.  But getting myself to perform something as simple as traveling to a store solo was like pulling scabs off my knees.

My anxiety would fume.

Some of the things that would be hard for me to do back in the days:

Ask for what I want at a counter, market or a store.
Sit down and have a meal at a diner or pizza shop all alone.
Making phone calls for appointments or calling out for deliveries.
Being loud, laughing or showing emotion in public.
I wouldn’t travel to the corner of a street or go to school solo.

These things would frighten me.  And all I could think that might have started such a mess in my head was how my family kept me sheltered from the world.  And in this shelter it was safe and quite comfortable.  So once I started getting older and peering out to the world I found it was complete madness and anything could happen.

Nowadays I’m much better at keeping the anxiety at bay.  I still remember the first time I had a slice of pizza at a shop all alone.

I did it!

Pennington

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