I Am Not An Ordinary Cheater!


There are people who are downright disgusting no-holds bar cheaters.

They cheat on diets, cheat at work, cheat at the Olympics and go as far as cheating on their lovers and spouses.  But I tell you one thing, not every single person bears the same personality and behavior issued as the common cheater.  I know because I am not an ordinary cheater.   I’m not even your average person, the type that prefers to sleep in the middle of the center of the world in order to classify myself as the norm.  I like being an individual.  And if anyone doesn’t like it then EAT ME and GET THE FUCK OUT MY WAY!

I’ve never cheated on any boyfriend on purpose.  Never!  Even that one time I kissed one of my friend’s boyfriend’s years ago on some teenage shit, it was for reason.  She was always a bitch to me because she always had a secret agenda and couldn’t deal with her jealously feelings towards me.  So I called her man to come over and I’d make out with him, give him blue balls, send him to her house so he can talk about me while she gets him off.  I know he wasn’t thinking about her butterface.

But I do cheat intentionally… with the intent backed up by reasons.

Real cheaters cheat for no reason.  Real cheaters cheat because they’re bored with their partner, can’t take their partners bullshit anymore, are in the statistic stage of the 3 year mark losing flavor.  Real cheaters cheat when they go to sleep at night fantasizing about who they’re going to chase next.  Real cheaters are at the clubs lounging and preying.  Real cheaters are insecure, needs validation from the outside world, have an ego that must be constantly stroked.  Not to mention real cheaters wake up in the morning and are plotting the day already looking for that something….

What makes me different?
My Story.

Growing up I thought being in a relationship was a natural thing.  Something that was to be done like waking up, brushing your teeth and putting on a shirt.  I constantly saw my mother in a relationship whether they were short or long term, fling, a booty call, from a hallway away, 20 minute get-up or one night stand.  It didn’t matter!  She needed a man like a dog’s swollen vagina on her period who needs a dog to hump her a few times daily.  (Maybe why sex is both dirty and meaningless to me?)  It is what it is.  But I saw it with my eyes, my mother, the next door neighbor, television, religion with their marriage sanctuary crap and the rest of the world made an agreement saying, “yes it’s okay to be in a (faithful) relationship!”

So I got into relationships at a very early age, (which was a mistake, nonetheless lesson learn).  I was twelve and he was fourteen.  We were on and off for years.  (Yes my mother knew about this!)  And throughout every single serious and long-term relationship I had I cheated and never understood why at first.  And I reflected about it for years:

What does being in a relationship mean?  Must it always include a man and a woman?  And am I just a free spirit destined to be alone and never exclusive?  Or just pressured by the chains of society to make a snappy decision on being with someone because a single woman is crazy without a man?  And.. Could I ever stay faithful?  Does being in love guarantee me to be faithful?  Why does it seem that for a man my being faithful has more to do with my sexuality then love itself?  So many questions, many I’ve answered due to my own extreme principles, practices and beliefs.

It turns out that I never truly wanted to be in a relationship.

This took me years to figure out and step aside from the rest of the crowd.  I like being alone.  I like standing alone.  It helps me to stay strong.  And again, it was what was known to me (some people grow up with mommy and daddy married)  and relationship===> had the okay!  So when a man asked me out on a date, I naturally say yes.  When they asked me to be exclusive, I said yes.  Not because I wanted to.  But because they pressured me and I am pretty passive (at times).  Then the cycle starts sooner or later of my cheating on them.  And no, cheating doesn’t mean I was having sex all the time behind their back.  Maybe a simple kiss.  Maybe a naughty look.  A mental vision of another cuddling me.

Now this brings me to something a bit deeper than the norm folks are used to.  It separates me immensely from being a different breed of a cheater.  (This may be related to a gender/sociological  issue.  Maybe?)  I couldn’t just meditate or wake up one day and say today is the day I’m going to cheat.  Something destructive had/has to be happening in my relationship to push me to the edge, some kind of deep emotional fulfillment I need and most likely am missing.  Here’s a bittersweet example like:  My boyfriend sees me and hears me crying and doesn’t bother to console or comfort me.  He acts like I’m invisible.  And to a female, this hurts and is a form of emotional betrayal!

I couldn’t just have sex with a man and have sex with my current partner as well.  I need to separate the two.  Like I kiss this one and have sex with this one.  I go to this diner with this one and another diner with the other one.  Now I can have sex with both men.  I’ve done it.  But if the other guy “wows” me in bed in “different” ways or  in “better” ways, than my emotional strings become tampered with.  And trust me, most people don’t think about these under the surface FEELINGS.

They start to question why they’re feeling guilty.  Oh because it has been building?  Why am I attached?  Oh because somewhere, somehow I started to get my emotions tampered with?
Yeah Bob. Yeah.

Pennington

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