There’s A Saying: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

A Jenga tower falling down
Image via Wikipedia

Now I hate listening to this expression no matter who’s fucking mouth it comes out of.  Mostly because I’m the kind of person who tends to thrive on what a person’s saying (whether that’s a female trait or not doesn’t really fucking matter) and thrives even more on what a person doesn’t say.  Want to find out about a person?  It’s simple!  Ask questions and allow them to answer with no interruptions on your part.  Most people who live in the center of society’s sex will speak mostly and generally on how they’d like to be perceived.  Some people will reveal a lot, except that most of the things they revealed are as trivial as a handshake.  In relationships, the words that are often never said are the ones people SHOULD notice.  If notice too late, then, what do you think would happen?  All the Jenga pieces fall apart.  Then, who laugh lasts?  Now when it comes to certain instances, circumstances or the simple creatures of the world like: Men.  Well, I must say that actions indefinitely speaks louder than words.

Some of you may know, I have a non-exclusive partner who I’ve been with for 8 years now.  Some things never change until one manages to be infected by an enormous amount of sickness.  This will ensure at some point, when the migraines become unbearable that you’ll break away from the disease of a person, place, situation or thing.  These actions, speak all so loudly in the words:  Lies and Bullshit!  I fail to understand why people would even dare to choose one or the other with me.  You cannot lie or bullshit to the folks who hold a fierce amount of wisdom coupled with a dangerous sixth sense ability like a God.

For Pete’s Sake I have dreams of other people’s dark secrets when I sleep.  They’re dying to come out, but you know how people are always hiding from themselves.  I can only imagine this is where all the lies and bullshit stems from.  People are scared of judges and coming out of their house of denial.  And this would be why I respect few in this department.  I will accept you as soon as you hold no shame and realize that the other expression: Honesty is the best policy is the most vital in this fucked up world.  So moving on..

A subject where Actions Speaks Louder Than Words comes down to the most insignificant hobby anyone can get into:  Masturbating.  Some of you may know where I stand when it comes to Masturbating.  Some don’t. Now if a person has an issue with being intimate with a person due to the fact that they have been molested/raped, then this is an exception for them!  However, on the other hand, I do not like it!  Some of the reasons why I do not like it and may seem extreme are:  It builds greed, lust, develops prostate cancer, it becomes hard for folks to figure out what is fact from fiction, gives a sense of urgency equipped with a hunger for frequency on the NEED to cum, furthers the implications of premature ejaculation and devalues your state of mental, spiritual, sexual and physical being (including your partner).

My partner is fully aware of my belief systems when it comes to Masturbating.  We engaged in numerous conversations about the dilemmas I find with them.  My partner claims he masturbates 2-3 times in a 7-day period.  It may not seem like much to the folks who masturbate numerous times a day over the course of seven days.  But IT IS!  Especially when my partner comes down to visit me for another 2-3 x in a week and expects me to make him cum as well.  I say make because I’m not a dumb bitch!  (And regardless of what the fuck he says, “You don’t need to make him cum.”  He’s fucking trying to feed me the bullshit!  And in this case, actions speak..well… you know the rest.)

This would mean he’ll cum at least 2-3 times by himself at home 9possibly more?) AND 2-3 times by me.  Do the fucking Math!  That’s a volcano of white eruption.  AND one I do not admire.  Jesus I don’t even cum this much in a week, regardless of how badly my vagina desires cock or (my favorite!) getting licked!  Cumming this much isn’t only selfish, but this ensures that the frequency of his testicles get emptied out as soon as they desire to tighten their hands on the horror of his soul and lack of self-control to begin with.

Meanwhile he tries to reassure me that I’m not his cumbucket.  And to make a deal with me, he would stop masturbating over at his house if I help to make him cum once a week.  And once again, in this case Actions Speak Louder Than What?  Indeed!  So, why try and bullshit me?  Why lie?  Why act as if cumming isn’t your world when the Deal is saying another story?  Why must cumming be an important factor in anybody’s life?  Why must I, even a little, assist in making him or any other fucking guy in the world cum?  I don’t feel bad for any man who masturbates and never will.  He’s getting off.  He’s performing according to the standards of what he and his penis likes.. and as for me, I can have the leisure of Chatting, Reading a book, Training, Tweeting or Blogging.

But really, if being honest hurts, know that your actions will do all the talking for you.


Jump Sexy: Me EGO Has NO Limit!

“You know I have an appetite for sexy things!” -Britney Spears

Jump up out of bed.  There’s a light firing in my soul coming about like Spring Fever.  God dammit I’m a believer! Enough to allow this brain of mine to be as open as a satellite receiver!

It’s Showtime!  Taking control of Life by being in the Center Stage.  Who’s going to listen today?  Who’s willing to hear my philosophy on training?  Who’s going to be the fist to stop whining about weight loss and complaining?  Who’s willing to go forward and leave their robbing past behind?  Who’s willing to adopt new habits and redefined all the pleasures that want you to find what holds everything in a line?  Who will be the one to head with the marching band backwards?  Who will be the flightless birds?  Who’s willing to be touched by my brilliance, by my knowledge?  Who’s willing to pledge to the cutting edge of Ms. Hall’s quest?

These are the questions I ask myself as I smear some shimmery copper eyeshadow on the naked morning lids of my eyes.  I’ll have them shine with a purpose like prying spies.  Needling the outline of my lips with nude liner to fill in the gap with coral lipstick.  So when I speak, you can see my color kick, kick and kick.  My appetite:  is sexy!  My hair flutters wild like the heads of sunflowers in the wind.  Waves from the dark crown to the ends of my brown-reddish ends flair and this will set every single eye on me as I step in the home of my gym.  This is my ring, my structure, my cult, MY ZING!




Video of the Week: PUNCHED!

This is what I want to do every single day to at least 50-100 people.  Sometimes I want to do it to half the fucking people of the world in a single day. When I’m up and about dealing with the world, when I’m performing my customer top-notch service I just want to punch motherfuckers forever and forever!

They don’t have to be eating. They just have to exist on Planet Earth, standing there, looking at the ceiling, breathing, dazing out or sitting on a piece of fitness cardio equipment. And I roll up on them and BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMM bitches! Motherfuckers! I hate this damn planet! 😉

And in Forest Gump‘s profound line: “And that’s all I have to say about that.”


Role Model Nonexistent

There has never been a role model needed or called for in my life.  Sometimes I feel it’s unfortunate.  However it has it’s up sides as it has it’s downs.

I don’t look up to anyone other than myself, when it comes to the Training Life,  not only because (due to my high standards, determination, passion, morals and rarity) I’m comfortable in my own skin.  But because I’ve found no matter if a person is of either gender, works harder, shows better dedication, takes the Fit Life more serious than me at any given moment, are a Personal Trainer, Mixed Martial Artist or grand celebrity/athlete they tend to let me down in one way or another. Whether they allowed success or their extreme personality colors to shine too late, dive into an enormous amount of drugs/steroids/alcohol or have lied consistently or have in many regards cheated the system all the while turning the other cheek and selling out, I choose not to acknowledge the idiots of ill-norm bred society.

I can’t count the many times I’ve been let down by people in general. I know this is Life. But it still fucking SUCKS! I used to look up to Chyna! There was no one like her in the world to me. She had all the muscle, mental toughness, a tenacious domination aura with a no holds bar intimidation factor.  She wrestled with men, won the Intercontinental Championship, was the only female to get in the Royal Rumble due to her strong will and fearless determination. I adored her  when she started out as a Bodyguard on WWE. I adored her before she slimmed down. I adored her before she got plastic surgery to look more feminine. I even supported her when she posed in Playboy twice (though I didn’t agree with the decision at first..maybe, ever?). I watched the 1st season of Celebrity Rehab for Chyna. I was and am still very loyal to Chyna, thought I don’t know her personally (yet ;)). And in the end, it seems as if, she was just as fragile as most people in the world. Nothing wrong with this, except I didn’t think she would fall so high from the burly ninth wonder tower from which she stood.

I was looking for role models in the Bodybuilding/Figure World at one point…

I first came on board to the Fitness Life once I started working for a gym. (Before that I was working out for a little while, learning trials and errors.) Mostly, in hopes, of meeting Bodybuilders and Figure Competitors. And, far and few in between, whenever I saw one I would ask for tips on training or nutrition from the people I thought had it all, striations, the grainy appearance on their muscles, being a lean-mean-fat-burning machine! I would admire the few male/female Figure/Bodybuilders I’ve seen in New York.

I would compliment them on their discipline and physique. Some would take it well. Maybe 1 out of 5 would remain in the stage of being humble, forever devoted to fans and such. Some appreciated the fact that I knew, love and desired to learn more about the sport. Some were stuck-up bitches (and pricks!) that firmly believed they owned each step they walked on Earth!! Others thought that since I was being open and honest about admiring the Bodybuilders/Figure physiques, that, somewhere deep inside I must be a Lesbian.

During this time I notice quite quickly that most of these folks weren’t trying, weren’t open and didn’t give a fuck to be a role model to me or any other young person that came along. I’d established this at exactly the time I would ask most Bodybuilders questions to which they wouldn’t give me the time or day to answer: about wrist-wrapping, what’s the easiest way to perform a chin-up on your own, what do I have to do to be muscular, was low reps/heavy weight the answer, what would it take to be striated, lean, be a fucking work of art, a fucking machine, what supplements should I take, is it true women have a greater hassle trying to lose weight and gain muscle? Pretty much, almost every single one of them shut me down!


For wasting their time!? For not paying for their time!? For not making an appointment for a fitness assessment!? For them not wanting to help period!?  You know greedy fucks!

This in itself led me more than ever to being my own role-model and my own trainer full-time. I would set out to acquire my own techniques to build muscles, read up on whatever I could get my hands on, test everything, work with different trainers and gain new ground and perspective, wellness and health. This taught me a valuable lesson: In the end I’ am all I have. I’ am all alone.

I’ll say this.. in the present and future, people will ask me for my help (people have already) and some people will even be where I once was… But the difference with me is, though I may not agree with (humanity at all times), with what he said/she said, what the bible says, what the magazine states, what society breeds and though I may not personally like the person I’m helping, I’ll assist them because I know its tough!!

I will lead them to find a way and tell them there are multiple ways to get to your goals.  And there are always going to be hurdles along the way testing your will to make you doubt yourself just to see if it’s what you desire so much. I’ll take them on if they’re serious (and by serious) I don’t mean they have to pay me in order for them to receive valuable and vital information THAT I busted my ass to research, than try on myself as the guinea pig! All I expect from those who ask me now (and in the future as I get better) is for them to take the journey of training and health serious.

For them to be humble and gracious.. for them to be thankful, and intuitive.. for them to realize how important it is to learn self-control, to give way to self-discipline, to rely on yourself through the positive and darkest times, to conquer their fears, to be an individual, to be ahead of the game with their heart and eye on the prize. To understand thoroughly, that the Training Life, working for your Ultimate Physique isn’t only special because you can flaunt your body when the time comes (if one chooses), but it’s special because it’s an extension of identifying yourself, the good and all the ugly..working out the kinks by spiritual means.. It’s all about the fill of potential one offers.. But it’s a Lifestyle, a hand in marriage, a full life long commitment.

A lifestyle of serious business..
Learning to love yourself, while being your own role-model.


The Theme Of Last Year: People Are Liars

Don’t Trust Anyone.

Obviously, some people let this little fact go pass their noses everyday like something that’s not even remotely contagious.  But, unfortunately it is contagious.  Blindly or foolishly or history trusting people wholeheartedly isn’t in anyone’s best interest.  Most people can’t even trust themselves, so why must one trust in another?  Everywhere I turn I try to attempt a play at trusting people, I try to let my guard down, get out of my shell for a moment or two to bring new people into my Life

I did this last year.  And they all failed.

Part of me (always) wants to give people the “benefit of doubt,” overlooking the fabulous judge of character I am, slowly pushing my intuition to the side, trying to hover in lowering my standards in order to allow people into my prestigious world.  I’m a very cynical person, therefore my perception of everyone is:  Purely Cynical (at first, until proven different).

The best ways of observing human behavior I find is by going to the basics, Animals.  Then one can move on to the next best place, which so happens to be School and Work.  People watching is quite amazing as well, somewhere totally busy like Rush Hour, Peak Gym Hours and Times Square.  Boatfuls of humans will display their body language, their actions, their grimaces behind every other person’s back.  They do it right in front of the whole world.  I guarantee just by people watching you WILL see how fucked up a lot of folks are.  I do not deny how shitty to the bottomless core people are.  Some people tend to mask it very well.

Last year work has taught me that a Co-worker is only a Co-worker.  Co-workers are never friends, even if they start out that way initially.  These folks tend to prove my theory correct:  People who hold the most Shame, Guilt and Remorse are quick to flip the script and betray you for their own gain, which most of the time will concern the grips of their consciousness.  Do they wish to sleep peacefully at night?  Why, why wouldn’t they?

In turn, at work I dealt with all types of conniving people.  Maybe the gym industry breeds these types of people due to the dishonesty of the commercialized system itself?  These people all have glorious egos, were some of the greatest manipulators known to man, even the 19 year old with the innocent face and failing Life was interestingly cheeky and almost had me going there for a second.

The General Manager who tried to play the Guilt Card on each and every single one of his fellow employees and threw the word Loyalty around as if it truly existed, let alone within the company itself was just another gimmick.  A Personal Trainer who I thought was another friend of mine lied so much through her teeth I’m surprised her mouth didn’t decay as a whole when she spoke.  These few co-workers couldn’t have imagine my remarkable persuasion on such an interpersonal level that indeed these people were rid from the company altogether.

I was the Positive Angel of Death naturally doing the right thing.
All evidence speaks louder than words.

A man I spoke to for 7 years over email and other forms of messaging, was indeed two-faced from his actions/stories to how he wrote.  When I pointed this out to him, his many years of living Life (over 60 years of age), I would think he be up to par on receiving constructive criticism well.  He never took the time to teach himself such a humble and hearty lesson as Constructive Criticism during his lifetime?  Is it not a wonder that he’s married twice thus far?

And I, of course, spoke and regarded him with respect during the time.  Until he decided to avoid me at all cost, making excuses up.  When all he had to do is express himself openly to me and give me the same courtesy and respect I’ve given to him time and time again.  But people never work the same way you do.  So when views and beliefs were exchanged heavily I guess everything had to changed on his behalf.

Life has taught me again people will betray you because your views differ from theirs.  It’s usually your Truth versus their Truth.  But why does truth get misconstrue with opinions by others?  I don’t buy the shit of your Truth Vs. my Truth.  Not from a hole in the wall.  Never take what people say at face value.  I’ve learned that people contain their flaws with the sole purpose to keep them as tokens for perfect secrets.

Quite fascinating how people rather die in their own lies of truth.


Green Card: An Attempt Of A Movie Review

The rundown of the movie can be found -> Green Card!

I’m still not sure why I love this lovely film so much!  The first time I ever saw it, I only saw parts of the film.  But that first time I simply fell in hell over heels in love with it.  I’m convinced I have a habit of falling in love with things  spot on like how I do with (either) listening to a song or seeing a good film the first time around.  This is evidently how this movie went.  So watching it tonight for the second real time.. and, well, I’m still in love with it.  😉 Now to try and explain the reasons why I fancy it much.  Warming:  There may be some spoilers.

I think what I love the most about this movie is the casting. Well, the casting of the two main characters:  Andie and Gerard.  I love the chemistry between the two.  Either they’re good actors.  Or someone thought this actor and actress would both convey what the director wanted on screen.  I believe these two actors had great genuine features, great instincts and elements to bring on in.  I could be looking too much into it?  Could just be me?

What attracts me to this film is like what attracts most people’s curiosity about life and human behavior, which is:  How opposites attract.  Two people who put themselves in a circumstance both for their own conveniences of life must find a way to co-exist through flailing tempers of dreadful differences.  I like tension.  It’s brilliant.  And I also like when destruction just so happens to be better once it rebuilds again.

Other things I like about the movie:
The beginning, the opening scene of a young teenager who’s playing a plastic drum on the Subway.  He kills it with his talent!  I love looking at how they captured New York City in the more olden days (80’s-90’s).  How Gerard plays the piano for an upscale dinner party with Andie.  What’s lovely about it was how he recited a poem, to which Andie’s mother’s best friend translated it into English and touched the hearts of everyone in the room.  In particularly, Andie.  I also like how in one instance they portrayed sexual tension between the two.  Something I don’t think many directors cannot do subtly.

A little more..

I like how Andie’s character is an environmentalist.  Her love for plants, how she “loves them more than (some) people,” as she put it.  She seems well organized, gets tiny bouts of anxiety/panic attacks, is emotional, yet has it together with a body that comes off as being fragile.  (I like relating to Andie’s character in both her passion and cynic view (sort of) when it comes to people.)  Gerard’s character I like because he’s the opposite of Andie.  He doesn’t seem to have all the answers on/to life.  Maybe no direction, even?  Yet, he’s smart, to the point, observant, charming and keen.   He comes off more as a brute.  Possible Ogre?  But there’s something about him more or less that’s golden.

Another thing I like about the film is the soundtrack.  I’m a sucker for great music:

(Oh.. and sorry I didn’t make the video.) 😉

Are there any movies you enjoy like this?
(And please no cheesy movies. )


The Pull Of It

And when I start low…

Arms fully extended, my heart crows, I psyche my mind full blast and tell myself plenty:  I’  AM the best of the best among hundreds, thousands and millions that light the universe of their energy.

My inspiration’s magnified by how I want to be perceived, by what admiration many will take to me and my personal philosophy on Training Life’s University. I take deep breaths as if I’m about to dive in the phantom famished mouths of merry-land and water. I feel my heart racing with trouble and in this instance I secretly warn my muscles: I’m out to slaughter!

This in turn, fuels the adrenaline, endorphins, angst and anxiety rush. For a moment I’m flustered during a tickle of my cheeks blush. And I must enter into this planned: Believing I’m a warrior, believing I’ AM making it to the tops of the Rocky Mountains of which I ultimately desire. I’m on fire. I’m on fire. I’m FIRE!

And I pull, not lift.

And my arms are taking me to new heights. I swear, for an instant, I see my aura glow beautifully like the Northern Lights. And I contract my biceps intensely.  I imagine them first fetal, curled in a tight ball with an energy that are broken from bounds for this rep and all the other reps that come after the first. Completely immersed.

My grip is just right. Not loose. Not tight. It’s rather neutral, so as my forearms don’t tempt to steal the Lats workload. I inhale and go with an intuition flow. I, now, feel the stretch from the fiber beings, the pull of my abdomen tenses like those African sisters who once braided my hair and drew cat-eyes on my face.

In this moment I allow glory to rain on this bliss of grace.

My rectus abdominis flexes and engages without a conscious nod. I’m weightless, limitless, given way to pure freedom. In this, I’ve found God. I’m orgasmic, for my anterior, medial and posterior delts, shoulder blades and all the Back muscles in between are taking me on an air-ride, a pull-up continental plane exercise.

With all this I have my eyes on the prize.


Where’s The Loyalty?

What’s the first thing you think about when you hear the word: Loyalty? Do you naturally come up with the pet you own in your house? You know like a dog or a cat?  Do you think “Man this world has gone to shit, where even the companies I work for aren’t Loyal anymore?” Well, I’m going to touch on one topic only. Women, quite obvious to me, have an issue with being loyal to….

I’ve always been confused by the unfaithful culture, the joy turn backstabbing, the friendly or bitchy betrayal we’ve grown so accustomed to since childhood or with our own mothers, to why men love to be in the middle dedicating their own fabricated stories to both ends of the spectrum  in between two women friends who are about to have a friendship more broken than a mom who finds her rumored gay son to have hung himself.

Where is the loyalty between women?  Why does it seem so hard to get along with women?  Where did this start?  Why does it happen still til this day?  Do women not care about other women?  Why can men have best friends and not have to worry about ever ridding his best friend, even after his best friend sleeps with his woman?

I find something very wrong with this picture.
Despite my ways of being a different breed of woman.

Have you notice ladies, how you can grow up with your cousins/best friends and somewhere along the line, say by the time you’re 16 years old, something happens?  You guys have a falling out, but it was as soundless as giving your spouse the silent treatment. Never in your brain would you have imagined that the friend you did everything with (from abortions, to drunk wallowing parties, to clubbing, using men, lying to your parents, covering each others backs, to learning tricks from one another from making your pants tighter to squeezing into size 3 pants knowing you both were a size 5) wouldn’t be around anymore.

Have you notice how women are willing to give up their best friends over some guy? Wait let me repeat that again: HAVE  YOU EVER NOTICE HOW WOMEN ARE WILLING TO GIVE UP THEIR BEST FRIEND FOR A GUY? WHY? How and when did it become important for a woman to keep a man much closer than a friend? Again, where’s the loyalty among women? And why haven’t we, after so many generations, have done nothing to change this fact? Why is it hard to bond and bring a whole diversity of Sisterhood together. Why do all the men get to have all the fun with their guy friends? Does this last fact not bother enough women in the world to want to change?

I never understood why women find their men to be so important. I know women, FULL GROWN WOMEN who find having/being with a man to be a matter of Life and Death. To the point where they’ll more than easily and have more than easily given up their own kids, all for the chase. Last year I met 2 women, who I wanted so deeply to help and be great friends with. But as long as their men were around, they couldn’t get out of that negativity. One was getting abuse physically by her bodybuilding boyfriend. She thought he was vital to her life. And the other woman, well, let’s just say that CPS had to get involved of her boyfriend abusing her daughter. To make matters worse, he wasn’t the father. Why don’t these women see with clearer eyes as to how horrific all this truly is?

The majority of men will leave when they feel they’ve had enough of the qualities or vagina of a woman. Men will backstab a woman quicker than what the woman’s best friend is willing to do. But women are more than readily to overlook the many times her boyfriend/husband has stabbed a dagger through her back. This has always baffled me. And then I question, “Why?” Could it be security reasons? Could it be for companion reasons? Sex? There is nothing one man could possibly have that another man can’t have in the future. And definitely the majority of men aren’t worth giving a friend up for.

I also never understood those silly girls/women who have the nerves to leave their best friends/friends just because they have kissed or slept with their guy. Sex is a physical thing and some women need to understand that there’s nothing emotional about it, even if their men whines and says, “Yes sex is wonderfully and incredibly emotional when I have it with you.” It’s bullshit! Wait til he cheats on your ass because you aren’t doing something he wants you to do. Then, what happens? No best friend to cry to, eh? I’ve had friends in the past who has slept, kissed and whatever have you with my boyfriends. And I don’t give a fuck. Why should I? It was his and her choice. But I remained friends with her the next day because life is too short to not have any type of True Loyalty. And that’s what I look for in people.

Does my friend fucking my guy have anything to do with loyalty? No. And if you need proof, just ask yourself: Why can men be friends with their best man after he fucked the woman of his life? If they can do it! Women can do it too. Understand men place emphasis on different things as women do. And sex, once again, isn’t emotional, ladies. Ever heard the saying: “Women give sex to receive love and men give love to receive sex.” Who’s the idiot in this equation?

All this thinking came to light right after I notice that not one single one of my female friends from the past has come to search me through Facebook (as I have them). And I find it strange, (except it’s not really odd at all), how the only ones who searched for me were men. But men aren’t looking for loyalty, unless it has to do with their penis. Men only searched me because they want to have sex with me, because they figure if they didn’t have a chance with me back then, that they could try me out now. Maybe they think I’ve lowered my standards? 😉

And this led me to all this ramble: How is it hat women aren’t even loyal to get back and in touch  with the people who started out loyal to them in the first place?  In a way, this saddens me.