Since January, being sick on and off and dealing with a strain-like shoulder injury since December has been wearing and clawing at my esteem. Or is it ego?
Whenever some dilemma comes my way trying to dent my Training or Health for that matter, I get too fucking anxious for my own good! My peace seems to acquire no sleep. Seems I start to breakdown and blow rotten egg scents out my ass like stupid exhaust pipes. Not fucking cool!
The good thing today thus far is I had the honor and privilege of wonderful people coming to my aid giving me advice with warm wishes attached. I love the positive and joyful things for all.. is not lost. But I’ am feeling discouraged. And I know this feeling all too well. I’ll just do my best not to look it’s way. It’s not needed and I shouldn’t invite it in. FML!
Last thought: I have to make a decision based on this Shoulder. It seems the typical solution is to visit the doctor.. Hah!.. (That’s becoming a habit every couple of years. There’s only so much pain you can work through an exercise).. is to let my shoulder heal, which means no upper body for a month or more. I’ve gone through this in the past with my elbow and ulna. I allowed my ego to get in the way of things. Hehe. Sharp pains shooting up my pinky, forearm whenever I lifted a weight or tried to arm wrestle. This prevented me from continually heightening my progress. So, of course I fear this may happen again.. though I know more about Fitness and the Training Life now. But emotions, sometimes it’s hard to be in control of every single feeling. Sometimes it’s hard not to be a human. I wrestle sometimes with certain demons.
Unfortunately, this shit has me biting my nails. I’m moody as hell. I’m a little depress. Just the thought of not training my upper body is like a crack head out of money, out of drugs and is wondering when and where is it going to get it’s next hit from?