How the people in my life are and have been pretty shitty despite my genuine and humble nature?   How they dare to care to cross me despite the avalanche of consequences coming forth by my vengeful stinger?   How they the human audacity to say and ask things of me I wouldn’t bother to ask or tell them.   For the life of me, I don’t understand throughout the twenty-nine years of my physical existence does it seem hard to gain any support and encouragement I need by the familiar, no matter how small the circle may be.

Why are strangers the only ones, (I now call friends from networking/blogging sites) who seem to be the shelter of comfort during my times of need?  How is this even likely?  And does this make sense?  Does it have something to do with being able to meet and talk with a stranger about any thought you may have because there’s the comfort (also no worry factor) of never seeing them again?  (So one thinks?)  In strangers I find abundance.  And this is the sole reason why I give more to perfect strangers than the shaky circle of people in my present.  And I presume why strangers give me so much in return. The sentiments travel on a two-way street.

I wonder.. could it be the Tough Love expression that everyone has ever seem to throw at my face full force with no remorse or mistaken perception of any kind?  Which reminds me of the brainwashing technique my biological mother placed upon my brother, “Your sister received the type of love I gave her because she’s strong and able.  She doesn’t need me.  But you need me.” So I guess this will suffice for her own deranged satisfactions. Yet, it still leaves me with the question:  How do selfish, unconscious folks come into my life and never encourage all I do?

Since I can stand on my own two feet… it seems… I’m dismissed.



3 thoughts on “Puzzling

  1. I think about this all the time. I have always “settled” for those whom surrounded me. Whether it be family or “friends” or coworkers etc… The internet is the first chance I have had to seek people whom I generally find interesting, intelligent and kind. Physical space is seemingly irrelevant. I guess that’s the double edged sword. Who knows?


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