The Tides

I’ve built up everything in these feelings
Without thought.
The way they rushed over me
Like runaway daughters
Who fought.
I wish I could tell you
How much I miss you
Despite the million missiles
In revolt.
And I wish I could keep things
Simple like shades
And never know the difference
between light
And of what fades.
And I wish I could say
Love is enough
To brighten the greys.
But I’m no fool because
The heart’s name is Jack
And with all the trades.
It betrays.

I held on for so long
To every obese memory
Overstayed my welcome
Listening to old songs.
We were trying to
Strengthen our wrongs
But what came about
Were melodies
Of unsung tongues.
I wish I could help you
Carry on.
Assist beyond
Coming out of oneself
Locating that inner calm.
For when blame
Is passed like a baton
Everyone cries like Miss Saigon.
And oh how the moments were blonde!
Every Don Juan I kissed
Never brought you back
My black swan.

And I was on repeat
Of a fantasy of us laughing.
Then every chuckle was on delete
Because It worked better in my head
Daring and smashing!
Even the rough drafts
And imaginary monologues
And paragraphs
I wrote on sticky pads.
Those fucking arguments
And the realization of the end
From the middle of which we stood
By the marvellousness of our youth.
Was I not your muse?
Or you mine?
And in those mistakes
Of devotion and abuse
Did we seldom refuse
To pay our dues
When they embarked within truth?

I loved you.



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