Guys Are Never My Friends


Ever.

This is a fact in my life.

Regardless of the information I do my best to create a benefit of doubt because maybe I believe in that lotto line awfully much:  Hey you never know.  Still I learn the error within a benefit.  My hunches are typically correct especially when I went with this so-called friend of mine out to the village where he put me on the spot with my sexual issues to a complete lesbian stranger and decided to purchase a vibrator along with silicone liquid for me to take home while he bought himself a cock ring.

The episode he pulled in the Pink Pussycat Boutique had me extremely upset because this is a person who thought it was fine like a friendly sport pat-on-the-ass by his own discernment of me to bring up some of my personal problems (that aren’t really problems actually) to the kind stranger who helped him get toys.

It’s unfair and there’s absolutely no reason (unless there are hidden motives) on any account for a person to set you (or anyone) up for a high level of awkwardness and a clear disregard for not only your privacy but established boundaries that are supposed to be known between so-called friends despite your everyday boldness in life.  It is not like I met him yesterday.  I know him for years.

It doesn’t give anyone the right under any circumstance to involve YOUR issues because it’s fucking YOURS.  Why is he not laying his subjects as a matter of anxiety on the table for the comforting kind stranger?  Because things are never what they seem at first.  This isn’t about him trying to figure out for my benefit.  But for his.

I am quite happy with my mind state and how it’s evolving and I’m still discovering my petite issues pertaining to sex and intimacy.  But my sex concerns aren’t for anyone, friend or foe, relative or stranger to judge, pick apart or have an open discussion in public because HE, not I, wants an objective view of why I do not masturbate or choose to have promiscuous sex.

This guy doesn’t want an objective view and he’s not looking into understanding because he already has locked into his prejudiced scrutiny. The better approach would have been to ask me privately if I find him sexually appealing.  If my not masturbating means he has zero shot at my precious vagina?  My views have good purpose and if I don’t want to masturbate, one should automatically assume I have an excellent reason as to WHY I DON’T masturbate in the first place.  (It’s not like I never done it.) Self-control and discipline since you asked. 😉

What’s upsetting as shit to me has everything to do with the boundaries he has the audacity to push.  Like on one occasion he wanted to know the color of my nipples and pussy.  Now, would he ask his male friend what color is his penis or nipples?  I highly doubt it.  So why treat me different from your male friend if I’m a friend?  (I take this friendship shit seriously.)  And this is the thing about people, they are going to try and take advantage based on what your personality is like since I’m the kind of person who talks about sex as casual as the common cold conversation in the office.  Clearly it becomes a question of:  Why not drive the extra mile and see if she’ll tell me the color of her nipples?

It’s about people who see you in a personal light and believe they know you more than most rather than think the opposite which is they don’t know who the fuck you are in spite of their own delusions.  They shove and shove and shove their own perceptions of you down your fucking throat until you vomit all those impressions they collectively collected with a bang of FUCK YOU! Than they take about thirty steps the fuck back.

I couldn’t help but wait a few days to calm my furious ass down at the gift he bought me.  I made it a note to send him text messages questioning his motives until he confirmed that he’s my friend with the potential to be a lover.  And when I asked him if the sexual tension only comes from his part alone?  He feels the sexual tension comes from both me and him, cementing the delusion further.  I told him loud and clear I only want to be friends and he could take it or leave it.

He said he wants to be my friend and didn’t hit me up for a few days.  Than of course we haven’t hung out ever since that night.  He has cancelled on me probably as many times as his other lady friend (he thought he was going to have an ongoing casual-sex relationship) did to him.  I told him simply as a friend that he has no chance with her.

But you know how things go, life, it’s a thing you have to learn yourself and even though you go through shit, you just have to laugh at it.  From my hateful heart I say fuck those benefits of doubts.  I’m going to stay with my gut as it doesn’t stray me wrong.

Plus who needs so-called friends like that?

-Pennington

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