I feel kind of bad when I push compliments off to the side by men who love women who body sculpt, bodybuild or weight-lift. Sometimes it feels like a defense mechanism to my strong hatred towards men. But it is what it is and it goes something like this.
It usually starts the same way, with an inbox message and a quotation mark smile, “You look great” and goes on to say “I always loved your arms, pec and back. You’ve been getting leaner without losing size and that’s great!” This should all be a good thing, right? It’s awesome to hear! It’s nice that there are people (actual strangers!) who have been following my training journey and I’m forever grateful. But I’m not going to lie and say I don’t have a problem with certain underlying issues. I guess I have trouble accepting the type of person and not so much the male gender in this case?
On one hand this guy we’ll call Han could stare at my photos all day for some reasons known but more reasons unknown yet rarely asks me questions about my life and when he does ask me, it shows he’s not interested in me per say. He’s another person who’s more into the fantasy of who he believes I am than who I am in reality. And generally I don’t respect people who don’t respect to learn anything about my life.
The second thing about this guy is just how he thinks lifting and gaining muscle comes easy for me. He boasts about me and my body as if he couldn’t be doing the same or more. When I ask him, “Why do you think it’s difficult to gain muscle?” He says, “Well, it requires a lot of work, lifting heavy day in and day out and eating right.” So he admits to the truth and I appreciate it and he has courage, but I bet he doesn’t realize how poorly he appears to someone like me.
He asks, “Do you think it’s easy to gain muscle?” I said, “At first I didn’t think it was easy to gain muscle. But now I know what it takes, so no, I believe anyone could do it and gain muscle. It’s like you said it takes a lot of dedication and discipline.” He goes on to say, “Yeah, I think that’s the difference. Some people can do the hard work and be dedicated but for some it’s too much. It’s one of the main reasons why I’m such a big fan of yours because you make it all look easy.”
Now don’t get me wrong, I adore anyone who adores me and would worship me at the drop of a dime. But what I’m saying is it’s hard to respect someone like this as a person, probably because I’m judgmental or an asshole? And I’m aware it’s my problem and not theirs. As a result, I guess it comes easy to shoo away the compliment than hold it to a higher regard because I like someone who gives a shit about my life and believes in working out hard “physically-speaking” as oppose to being a bystander and idling watching, being fine and dandy settling just to be a fan.