Motivation Absent


Big Apple Powerliftting Competition

It’s interesting how someone from the outside (generally those who don’t surpass their or your own limits) would consider I’m motivated, when in actuality I’m not.  I know countless workouts in a week or multiple training sessions at any given time of day or night would give a person the impression I’m motivated.  I hate to break some peoples heart, but I don’t remember the last time I had a super drive making me feel invincible.

What someone else perceives as easy for me, probably is, but only because I made it so.  For years, I didn’t devote time to cardio.  Now I do.  It only took bad roommates, hating my job, brainwashing myself on how the fitness professionals do it and whining excessively until I finally got to the gym to do my cardio five times a week (sometimes six).  Now I do it without bad roommates, with or without a job, devoid of brainwashing and endless whining.  I’m on auto-pilot.  There’s not a moment to question, I just depart blindly.  The only actual question that may come up is:  How intense am I going to make it this evening?  And do I need a cup of Joe?

Weight-lifting is of course my first love.  It provides me everything I need like comfort, stimulation, anger management and allows me to release any stress or sexual pent up energy I have building inside.  The dumbbells, barbells and cable machines are always there for me.  They never let me down.  They never reject or disrespect me.  They’re my home.  My happy place.  My everything!  But, when I’m lacking motivation, lifting weights can slightly feel like a drag.

These are moments where I’m overthinking reps, sets, what exercises to do and I put eleven through seventeen different exercises in front of myself just to further the demoralizing effect.  And even when my blood is sizzling, the sensation of the pump is growing and the hard steel is crushing my skin, there’s a feeling of lost drive.  I know what it’s like to be at my peak for fitness (conditionally speaking) or for motivation.  And, lately I just don’t have it.

This Saturday is a Powerlifting Competition which I’ve been invited to.  This will be my first time being in a Powerlifting Competition.  I’m not sure what to expect, except big weight, big tanks and perhaps even bigger growling.  I’m super excited and am trying to bring a small group of great online friends (who I’ve already met) with me!  On a side note:  I did flirt with the idea of being in the competition myself, regardless of the weight class (I’m sure I’d be heavyweight), but this would’ve involve buying gear and I bet I wouldn’t even know how the fuck to get into any of it.  Perhaps, next year?

With this competition coming tomorrow I’m hoping somewhat that being in this atmosphere and watching other people work tremendously at this event will be my ticket to gain and achieve the inspiration I need before winter came over and shook it’s naked trees of death on me.

-Pennington

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