I Hate This Dog!


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Growing up I’ve never been without a pet. Thanks to my mom. Having pets was just as important as breathing because my mother always said, “Animals love unconditionally, unlike people.” My mom always wanted to be a veterinarian and for me — she was at heart. She was also a hardcore pet rescuer; to the point of hoarding.

In my life, there were always adventures with all types of pets from gerbils (which I named after watching Rocky — Rocky Balboa and Adrienne because my gerbils were a couple) to having albino-like ferrets to a shrine of hamsters, hyper rabbits, smelly turtles, colorful birds and all types of dogs and cats. My life has always been about pets in some form or another — I love animals. And also, still to this day, one of the most traumatic experiences of my life was putting my sick cat to sleep, for which I still shed tears. I miss her dearly, and I considered her my daughter (though I have zero kids).

I like to believe that because I grew up with so many types of animals my observations from animals relates heavily to human behavior, and my observations are better than most people. I also believe in being able to love intensely because of loving pets and finding them to be as important as the kids on the Pokémon cartoons did. The truth is, I’m an animal lover, and I’m more of an animal lover than I am a human lover. However, can I say that every pet and animal I’ve ever came into contact with (or will) — I liked or love with all my heart?

Well, no. I’ve only come across a couple of dogs and cats I didn’t like. They take place on one hand (out of an easy hundred or more) thankfully, but since staying with my friend — there’s a new form of dislike I never knew I could have for a dog. I actually keep some updates on my Twitter feed, usually with photos about this dog I dislike. I’ve become a bit obsessed, but I feel it’s because I’ve never in my life met a horrible dog like this.

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What kind of breed is this dog? I don’t  know? The breed of annoyance, of greed, of reincarnation but as a human-dog. She’s a hyper bitch, jumps everywhere like she’s in a circus, has ADD, is stubborn, defiant, can’t stay at one place too long, has insomnia and barely sleeps at night and genuinely doesn’t care if others sleep either.

She has straw-like fur in the color of hay. And her personality for a dog is practically horrible, in my opinion because she’s nothing like a dog — nothing common at least. For example, most dogs lick people as a sign of affection of sort. She never ever licks, but will try to tongue kiss your mouth if you allow it and it’s only because of the human food a person just ate.

In the beginning, I remember meeting the dog and wanting to be friendly with her because I really like animals, and as usual I give everything and everyone the benefit of doubt. I would pet the dog, talk to it in my nice customer service tone and sporadically feed it human food by hand. One of the first times I fed her by hand she fucking bit me hard enough in the process as if she were a fucking piranha.

It wasn’t until my friend came up with the rule of not feeding her human food did I notice a shift in her affections and attention towards me. It was all fake. She stopped coming to me entirely and when she went by me I swore I heard her snob-ass scoff as if I didn’t matter in the first place. The people who did matter were the ones disobeying the rule — the two teenagers. So, it was interesting to see a dog act so much like a human and with human emotions unlike a dog. She used me, and I never fed her human food again.

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I hate this dog, not because she’s fake, but because she’s not loyal to a family house. If a stranger was to feed her food, she wouldn’t care and would chomp down on human flavors, protein and fat — while these strangers would slash our throats to the city of the whole family.

I hate this dog because she belongs to the 15 year old who lives in the house and whenever it’s time to sleep with the girl, the dog decides she can’t stay  locked in and sleep with her because she goes crazy every time she hears a fork scrape against a plate outside in the kitchen. The dog always proves her disloyalty. The dog will bark excessively until the dad takes the dog out of the room. Only then, does this dog stop barking and proceeds to go make her dog rounds to each room of the house as quickly as possible to see if anyone dropped food on the floor.

I hate this dog because I’ve never seen a dog so horny for human food. She creeps in corners, in rooms, hides under chairs, performs the downward dog, while peering from under the table and stalking every single person for human food in the house. I’ve never seen anything like it. One time someone placed their plate of food on the bed and when they came back to the room she was on the bed feasting from it like it was hers when she knows where her two bowls are — outside of the kitchen.

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Another time, someone held a nice 6oz steak in their hands and for one second they put their hand down while walking out the room just when this dog jumped to try and snatch the steak out their hands. Mind you, she actually gripped it with her teeth, and we all agree to throw out a perfectly good steak because feeding her human food would reinforce bad behaviors. This was around the time when we found out that the 15 yr old was constantly feeding the dog by hand where it’s now to the point that the dog looks malnourished because it waits for the tiny bit of hand out it gets from the girl and leaves her dog food in the bowl entirely for days.

I wonder if this dog would be different if my friend wasn’t her fifth owner? Perhaps? I wish I could’ve observed her from all the previous houses to be able to study her and learn how her behavior has changed with every one of those homes. But, let’s get back to why I hate this dog. Whenever someone cooks in the kitchen, she’ll remain within distance, in case any food falls on the floor and she actually goes as far as not eating her dog food until everyone stops cooking and eats their foods in case anything falls.

I hate this dog because morning, noon and night she’s always searching for human food. If she’s inside the room with the door closed, she barks to be let out only when she hears utensils because she knows someone is cooking in the kitchen. Did I mention — she’s so horny for human food that she starves herself? Her last record was 3 days. She starved for 3 days, not once touching her dog food. She’s now beaten her last record with 6 days of starving herself. Now, before anyone jumps into the conclusion of maybe she doesn’t like her dog food and you have to switch it..

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I took the liberty of finding a dog food she actually likes. (I’ve pretty much taken ownership and am the one that influences the house on the matters of the dog. She’s my new experimentation.) She likes the dog food called Gravy Train — the one where you can just add water, stir, and it makes gravy. She used to twirl in happy circles for the food in the beginning. Now she doesn’t. This only lasted for roughly 3 weeks before she went back to desiring the fuck out of human food. And what bothers me about this is there are animals and house pets in the world who are starving and freezing in the street who would love to eat food — and here we are feeding an ungrateful fucking dog who doesn’t care if we ever feed her dog food, just human food.

I have conditioned the dog to stop staring and stalking humans for food. I went from using multiple water bottles (because I rather use water than actually abuse her physically because I don’t like animal abusers — plus this dog is stubborn as fuck for an attempt on verbal and tone shit) until she became immune to water. Then every time she barked because she wanted to come out of the room or wanted to be disobedient and watch people eat — I locked her and made sure everyone else locks her in the bathroom until now she makes not a sound and not a stare for food.

To be honest, who wouldn’t be a fucking bitch or an assbole if they’re constantly starving themselves? And who wouldn’t beg and stare hoping for the easiest target in the house to break and give a hand out? And wouldn’t you do anything it takes to get your greedy mouth on human food? Hm, and how about like acting? Because this dog acts and she only acts out with the 15 yr old girl. What the dog does is she shivers uncontrollably as if she’s been placed in the freezer and then she sits right in front of the 15 yr old or right by the side of her until the girl breaks down and gives her a tiny particle of food.

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The first time I saw this dog shiver — as you might’ve imagine I was shocked because I knew she was acting; the house is cozy and warm, there’s no way she was fucking cold. And of course, she didn’t start shivering until she got near the dish of the 15 yr old girls food. Then I told everyone in the room, I can’t believe she’s acting — and is so horny for food — and when I said that, the dog looked at me with a disgrace of a face as if I blew up its spot (because I believe she knows English) and the bitch decided to stop shivering right then and there. The dog knows the words: Come here, Get out, Stay, Sit, Please leave and food. There are many other examples I can write, but God did I write a lot as is.

Patience and consistency is key and I have both at this very moment. Still we haven’t cured her of eating her dog food religiously. She rather starve — and in few cases, rather than eat her dog food, she begs the 15 yr old owner to get a piece of cake, fried chicken or buttered rolls, even after she’s eaten a big meal. And I only need to get the 15 yr old girl to fully get on the bandwagon of not feeding this ungrateful dog any human food ever again. The truth is, I don’t know if this dog will ever want to eat her dog food again even if the 15 yr old stops feeding her because this dog is fucking damaged.

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There are many things I can say about this dog like how she portions out her dog food, how she’s stubborn and in the beginning when we punished her she would act out in defiance by taking a shit on the couch, in a specific room and vomits on people’s beds intentionally. But  I’ve said more than enough about this hobo dog. Everything is experimentation, condition and progress in this world, and as long as one stays consistent on a matter, one can change whatever it is you truly desire. Fortunately, this includes this dog I hate. Maybe. Wish me luck.

P.S.

If anyone has any suggestions on this human dog and how to tame it further without physical abuse, I’m all ears. Thanks for reading. 😉

-Pennington

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