Pelvic Floor Dysfunction

I knew something was strange every time I laughed or tried to do a sumo deadlift and tinkled myself.  I knew something was strange when I felt like I had to urinate faithfully around the clock.  I knew something was strange when I suddenly started to experience pain during intercourse.  In the morning upon waking, there’s a dull pain in the center of my stomach that stretches deep into my pelvis.  It plants itself there like a kentia palm.  At the same time, the mid-lower back pain stretches out to the side wrapping itself around my lat, not to mention the top of my buttocks and hips.

It took years to understand what the hell was going on with me.  Why I felt completely exhausted after sleeping 8 hours?  Why my moods were shifting quicker than I could say bipolarism?  Why its been so easy to abandon my fitness goals and sessions?  Why did I feel like I was trying to walk through brain farts daily?  Why all this pain?

Thankfully a visit to the handsomest urologist gave me his recommendation to see his friend who’s also a urologist but deals with women’s sexual health.  It was there where I was greeted by a real life perky sitcom character Karen Walker.  She checked out my vulva, took my urine through a catheter on the spot (with my permission of course) and complimented me on my Kegel.  Then she said, “You have Pelvic Floor Dysfunction.  Don’t worry.  It’s fixable!”  I was prescribed a physical therapist who specializes in PFD.  Also, testosterone gel, which is made by a chemist (therefore making it extra tailored and super expensive) for my vulva.

Coupled this PFD along with my growing fibroids (which I was told to ignore if they don’t grow) and it’s no wonder why I’ve been wanting to pull my hair out of my goddamn head for so long.  My fibroids have grown to the point where they have taken my uterus out of its place and is now sitting behind my bellybutton.  The clusters of fibroids have enlarged my uterus making my stomach protrude.  On my medical record it states that my fibroids are well into 14-16-week pregnancy.  So, I’ll see a surgeon next month.  God willing.

Well, for the longest time, I thought I was secretly dying.  Turns out, at least for the moment, I’ve been on a tumultuous ride with hormones.  Keeping a positive outlook has been extremely challenging.  I can’t tell you how long I felt hopeless and completely isolated from the rest of the world.  Of course, I kept praying for answers, for guidance and for the right doctors to come in my path, so I can get the ball rolling.  My prayers have been answered.  Things are rolling.  I’m finally not holding my breath anymore.

I’m moving forward with new breath within me.


Reflections On Yoga

(Written Previously)


out of the blue, I decided to hop-scotch my ass to get down and groovy with 45 minutes worth of Yoga in mi casa.  I know Yoga isn’t the first, middle or even the last thing on my exercise regimen list to perform.  But sometimes one must scratch deeper than what’s on the surface when it comes to the Training Life or existence itself, surely.

Yes, Yoga is a new realm I don’t touch much.  But I’ve done it twice in my life with other DVD‘s I’ve purchased out on a whim.  So I’m not a complete idiot when it comes to Yoga or am even put off by it.  I know with Yoga the  main significance one should take away from is knowing breathing is a part of movement and movement apart of breathing.  (I think I love knowing this the most actually.)  Besides the breathing, there’s the whole world of balancing, holding poses for periods of time, allowing yourself to be/feel within the present moment and seeing how good or how bad you SUCK when it comes to this word: Flexibility.  (Among other things.)

Now I’m a big believer in the what’s underneath..meaning I like to think what brought me to meditate with Yoga tonight is my subconscious.  It’s telling me that stretching would do me and my entire body justice.  I’m not going against this one bit.  I’m going to second it.  With intuition comes great responsibility.  I’m going to allow my instincts (as usual) to take/triumph over the guidance of my ego.  Especially when I have the goosebumps of faith to let me know deep down inside this is what I should be doing for the moment.  And well, the extra benefits of practicing Yoga is learning how to relax my mind.  Lord knows I could sure USE this lesson every fucking day!

Also I had this conversation with this fabulous person who so happens to be a great Pilates and Yoga instructors at one of the gyms I work in during the weekends I’ll call Dee.  She basically explained that even though “Many folks who weight-lift believe their muscles are getting stronger, it’s not necessarily true.  To gain strenth in the muscle one must lengthen them.”  One must lengthen the muscle so excessive fascia doesn’t become an issue.  (Foam-rolling too!)  Also tight super contracted muscles are lurking waiting to pop out like can-in-a-worm-injuries.  I can attest to both those things she mentioned.  (Fortunately or unfortunately.  ER!)  So does Yoga seem EXTRA like the right thing to do?

Well as soon as I started the Yoga session Crunch: Candlelight Yoga (which I shut the lights off in my room and lit a candle by the fucking way ) a radiance of peace and smiles washed all over me.  It was as if my spirit was cleansing itself before I even had the chance to dive in and fully see what it was all about to begin with.  Quite pleasant if you ask me!  I’ve no idea if my spirit reacted in such delight to what I was about to do?  Or if I was thrilled at myself for shutting off the light, lighting up a candle and about to let my guard down immensely?  I breathed all too deeply and allowed the flow to change from the inside out.

At first I wondered about how hard this was going to be for me, if the poses were going to be bearable or dreadful in my tight muscles and fibers?  But I quickly listened to the guidance of the video instructor and closed my eyes and allowed the breaths to run deep into the movements of the pose.  Before I knew it, I was laying on my purple mat and there were instances when I really began to zone out and I completely forgot I was inside a room.  Pure blank isolation?  Or an awkward sense of higher intelligence?  (*Scratches head!*)  This is by far difficult for me to do in my own skin, let alone my mind.  I’m typically wound up tight like my muscles due to lifting stress or the everyday turmoils of my Life.  So I guess I can consider this: WIN!

There were instances where twisting or side-bending became hard to inhale and exhale correctly.  But I didn’t back down for one second.  I stood with it and made sure I’m in the Present moment.  I could easily tell which areas I seem to be the tightest:  Top side corner of chest (ARGH!), inner thighs (What else is new?), hamstrings (Hm.), obliques (Understandable) and certain parts of the hips/glutes ().  But I made it through by aiming my breath into the areas that needed to be loosened, as the video instructor explained to perform.  Of course some poses were more difficult than others, but the challenge to dig into the muscle and visualize them lengthening as oppose to contracting with resistance machines and bodyweight exercises was incredibly delightful.  Renewal, even.

I’d like to practice more with Yoga.  Not just for the flexibility and balance concept.  But because delving into the realm of meditation .. well I can profit greatly from this.  It’s the other side of evenness of peace for mind, body, soul and spirit for me.

And you?