Tag Archives: business

Unoccupied yet Occupied


work_in_progress

The internal struggle is real. So I believe, within my struggle. For months I’ve been battling and fighting and influencing and along the way I’ve made some mistakes all the while raising my head as lofty as the Statue of Liberty. Only to get fired by the place in which I worked for over 5 years. It’s finalized and it’s severed and within it’s severance I’ve learned many different things to the parts of a story.

Like for one, being in denial of how one really feels about any given situation. How does one center themselves in the midst of what they truly don’t want to consider because they suppose that actually feeling within the moment will turn to perpetual weakness? Or how much of what we do in the present and future stems from our past childhoods? For example: I cringe at unfairness and this is derived from being treated unfairly as a child.

Moving on if you follow the series of my thoughts: Perhaps it’s better and clever to give an oath to being silent and perform character assassination rather than stand up with pride on your side and give your two cents on how to resolve operations or how to fix the unfairness in the face of favoritism and being human?

It seems that silence is golden and silence is taken more seriously and silence is safe and silence means that one day when you finally decide to speak up that somebody may listen to you attentively with one head tilted to the right the way they used to when they stopped listening because you’ve opened your mouth too much but only because it was encouraged. But perhaps they encouraged for manipulative reasons?

Or maybe it’s ridiculous to believe that an idealist can be practical in the world of business and where realism is concern, that there isn’t a place for such majestic and honest principles?

Perhaps it’s better to turn the other way and remain silent and follow the herd because being a leader means standing alone and standing alone means everyone is against you at a certain point in time because they lack the courage you have because they don’t have a big bite or enough fight because they wouldn’t put their job on the line like you would.

All this is why I’ve been fired.

-Pennington

This Is Life, I Guess


Where to start out?  I know this guy for years over xanga.  He’s old school, highly intelligent and just like the rest of us on xanga, sexually frustrated (for whatever reason since everyone has a reason, whether good or bad, justifiable or garbage).

Our communication was continuous and always on email. Beautiful lengthy letters with secrets, undiscovered feelings were mention with an openness of toddlers.  Opinions were sent, misunderstandings (I thought to be) were sorted out during the middle of us climbing to the point of meeting.  And the next thing I know, judgments were placed on me through my blog writings, through my words and through my Fitness Lifestyle.  I took this with good stride at first.  I, simply, don’t care what folks think about me.  I wasn’t placed in this world for people to like me and everyone is entitled to their own opinions.  Doesn’t mean I have to agree with them.

All good things come to an end.
This is life, I guess.

But, my thing will be, why does a good thing have to end because of somebody else’s selfishness, being dishonest to my honesty, because of who I am, because of who you are?  Why do people rather bullshit where they stand as oppose to where they truly are?  Why can’t people respect you as you do them?

In the end, I perceived the emails to be a good climb on his part to most likely mush me up in a way where I’ll ease and do whatever he desired.  Great on an older man’s part, I mean what else do they have to go off on?  It’s wonderful for me how I’m very smart when it comes to men, relationships and human behavior.  But was it good for him to go through all this trouble, all the time invested only to later be looked at as a jerk, bullshitter or other?

We were supposed to meet.  Completely platonic.  Have some dinner.  Go out on the town.  Enjoy the city under agreements we have made.  But I’m aware that if I were another woman, more like the stupid kind, more like you can take advantage of her when you wanted to kind, more of the open arms and open sex kind of a woman that will keep my mouth shut and live up to his/your expectations kind..well, we would have met, I bet.

I’ve come to the conclusion that most men, who are insecure or who are looking to find their own sturdy ground in their own world when it comes to sex, do not like intelligent, secured or opinionated women.  It’s truly a shame they prefer to miss out on a real woman, as oppose to deal with young women who aren’t only easy to crack, but aren’t reliable.  Young women aren’t nearly as fun as how I can be and on many different types of levels, not just in the bedroom.  (And I know I talk like I’m so much older. I’m only 29.  But my mind has surpass me.)

In my last email to him, just recently, like last month, I had to let out feelings about what he’s been doing to one particular woman in his life.  This woman is young and is being taken advantage of.  She’s only aware of this to an extent, sadly.  I do not like this.  Probably because I have too much respect for women, (though many of them are dumb).  It became my business when he spoke to me about his business.  He told me about how he’s a close friend to their family, how he takes care and visits the family often, but also how he takes this young lady out to dinners, takes her on shopping sprees and etc.  Clearly she wants no sex with this man.  He has told me she only allows him to caress her arms.  But this doesn’t stop him from what he calls being a father-figure to her and being her sugar daddy.

I had to speak on it because he doesn’t see what he’s doing to this young ignorant lady.  What will happen when she gets a distorted image on what younger/older men can both provide for her mentally, physically, emotionally or sexually?  She will distrust men from the emotional to the physiological tidbits and she will have him, a huge part of her life to thank for.

Whether or not he wanted to hear this, it had to be brought to his attention because there’s something called perspective and if we can help someone even if it’s indirectly, I say help them, even if they didn’t ask.  This is how I live.  Evidently he believes he’s helping the young girl.  But don’t we tell ourselves anything to justify our right?  Then, wonder why we keep repeating the same cycles.

And in the end, who gets punished for being  humble and good person?

Pennington