Tag Archives: Date

BLINK FITNESS


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Yesterday I made a decision to rejoin the gym again.

I had many reservations about it.  Okay, it only lasted for thirty minutes, but those small reservations felt like an anchor that was going to last longer than twenty-four hours, which is unlike me.  I think I’m going to blame it on the miasma of depression and the uncertainty it causes.  Now I know to most people joining a gym doesn’t sound even remotely significant, but when you’ve made the gym half your fucking life – it’s a big fucking deal!

Joining Blink was a happy accident if I believed in accidents.  I didn’t know they built a spanking new gym walking distance from me.  So could you imagine how big my heart swelled as I sat tipsy nursing my white plum wine across from the gym Pre-Valentine’s Day eating like a silly pig at my favorite Thai restaurant?  The thought of the gym alone gave me enough excitement to give my entire body a staggering erection.

Old memories flashed before me in all my assertive and madwoman training and the way I felt empowered simply by owning truck loads of ego and exhibiting strength and personal space in the weight room alongside the brutes of men.  It all rewound itself to foggy windows, smelling the dampness of other people’s sweaty gloves, headbands and fabric while zoning out to chalky protein, diverse tunes, and colossal sounds of iron clanks as well as cardio machines that squeaked for mercy and oil.

But since I broke my ankle I’ve become somewhat of a recluse and kept myself as inaccessible as a teenage girl in her Gothic room.  Over the course of two years I joined a gym twice and canceled the same.  At first I liked the idea of going back to who I was – the full time badass who wanted to spank everyone in the gym while priding and lifting for power, mass and size.  Until I realized I wasn’t the same woman.  I transitioned into something else (I don’t fully understand yet) and my goals did too.  The thing I do know is over the course of time I wanted to default to a natural size, lose a substantial amount of weight (still do) and still keep a lot of the strength I’ve earned from a decade.

Plus, I got used to working out in my own personal space at home.  I was made aware of my troubled hermit existence only after I started to go back to the gym and notice whenever someone would come near me I would practically hiss, sneer and snap at them if they even asked, “Are you using this mat?”  I think I lost some social/interactive skills by being a recluse.  Well, I live and I learn and I also change.  I’m at a different place now mentally, emotionally, spiritually and especially physically.

So once again I’m here joining a gym.  I know some of the good involves:  Being able to strengthen more of my ankle by using certain machines like the Treadmill and I’ll also lose weight quicker by devoting longer and steadier sessions instead of doing HIIT and circuit (strength) training multiple times a week.  I burn myself out all the time.  The bad is being around people and their bullshit, whether they say no when I ask to jump in with them on any given machine [or insert any other annoying gym attitude/behavior here].  Is this something I want to deal with?

More importantly joining this gym is about reflecting harder on the possible notion that I’ve outgrew the gym.  I may no longer find the gym a daily requirement in my life.  If there is a chance I don’t feel like I need the gym anymore, then I have to learn how to come to grips with that instead of wasting precious money trying to figure it all out.  However, if I wind up falling in love with the gym all over again, then that’s just true love that feels like sticking and I’m with it either way.

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At this moment I’m setting up to go on my date with Blink Fitness.  I haven’t decided on the time yet.  It’s not only about Blink impressing me; I’m not above impressing Blink.  Don’t ask why.  It’s a gym.  I believe in making all kinds of impressions.

The gym from what I assessed is on the smaller end with just two floors.  The people there seem somewhat motivated, but they lack passion, which I’m surprised about because I guess I expect more out of people.  But I can see their blank faces droning whether they’re weightlifting, cardioing or stretching.  I’m telling myself it’s just the weekend and perhaps the energy is different during the weekday.

I’m going to shower, put cold cream on my face, smooth it over with some serum, and shave my underarms and legs.  I’ll slick the ends of my hair with protein polish and a flat-iron only to hide it’s slickness in a bun.  And although I have lots of variety (DVD’s, YouTube and paid Fitness Streaming Subscriptions) working out at home, everything is much different in the gym – energy, friendly competition and even meeting people or bumping into a gymrat I used to know takes place there.

I’m hoping being at closer distance would keep me motivated at first and I’ll have fun second.  I want to remain a gym member in my heart of hearts.  Also I don’t want a third cancellation on my gym life resume.  I would say wish me luck, but I don’t believe in luck.

Crazy excited,
Pennington

How Did Fitness Change My Behaviors, Thoughts, Who I Date and How I Masturbate?


This is kind of a semi-list of things that have differed since I’ve been in the world of fitness.  This isn’t a complete list mind you and this isn’t in any order.  I find it interesting to take up a lifestyle and see how many things altered then after.  How have YOU changed since your lifestyle change?

1.  I’ve tripled my confidence with broad shoulders and Popeye forearms.  I probably no longer care about my large breasts being a spectacle anymore for some.  I rely on mass.

2.  On every social media site I’m on I make sure it involves and dominates a whole culture of fitness.  I can tell those who are closest to me get annoyed by it.

3.  I look for artists who draw worthy physiques.  I watch cartoons of bravery, courage and more fit bodies.  I find myself looking up to superheros.

4.  It’s hard to find people the opposite of repulsive if they don’t workout or attempt to change some of the things they eat and drink.  This includes my favorite aunt, it’s hard not to look upon her like a complete pig by the atrocious food she eats and by all the illnesses that’s caught up with her as a resort of it, not to mention zero exercise.

5.  I don’t want sitting down work.

6.  I stand more in the train; probably due to brainwashing and saying my glutes will flatten.

7.  I used to date overweight men.  Not anymore.

8.  I now feel a man must take care of themselves by being physically active and as frequent as possible.  There should be zero reason why a man has a gut; he isn’t a woman who carries additional fat and estrogen.  A man has testosterone and should put it to use as much as possible, if he’s overweight than he’s lazy in probably every aspect of his life.

9.  A man I date must have muscles now.  If they don’t, I will assess their potential and along the line make them feel like complete shit about their bodies until they do something about it.

10.  If a man has lack of conditioning, I don’t expect him to have sex with me properly.  So, I guess, I consider this a deal-breaker.

11.  I probably have become a bully in some ways.  I have a brother and a few boy cousins who can attest to this firsthand wrath.  Still, maybe I’ve always been (never to truly weak people) a bully and coupled with my feminist and Dom tendencies, it’s not a real wonder why.  An example of a form of small bullying:  When a guy (could also be a coworker) is smaller than me or has less muscle mass I grab him by the back of the neck and shake him up like a rag doll.  Or I literally push smaller guys around so their heads jerks forward while the rest of their body flings back.

12.  I only have 2 pairs of jeans since my journey and adventures with fitness.  I have a hard time trying to get jeans past my calves than my quads.  It’s much easier to get a cotton shirt, baggy shorts and comfortable sweat pants.

13.  Since I started fitness, over time I realize I went from sanitary napkins to tampons, weak deodorant to heavy deodorant, to carrying hand sanitizer and additional locks in my book-bags for gym locker rooms.

14.  I can’t bring anyone in my circle of life who doesn’t know their worth, who doesn’t move forward, who isn’t looking for personal growth, isn’t striving to live the life of being discipline, lacks passion or tolerate bullshitters.  Thanks to fitness!

15.  The more muscles I get, the more I’m able and actually desire to be more of a woman.  Therefore I paint my nails often enough, wear spandex from time to time and wash my hair more than once a month.

16.  I learned a thing or two about patience.  Still learning.

17.  I’ve achieved great orgasms by rubbing on my DOMS while masturbating.  You should try it some time, delectable pain and pleasure.

-Pennington