Tag Archives: Dumbbell

Distorted Gauge


Since February I’ve had a pattern of working out straight for 2 weeks (multiple workouts) and the next 2 weeks I’ll idly be standing by wishing hard on a star that I could unearth the motivation I require to make muscle gains and decrease body weight/bodyfat – as well as gaining that feeling of being normal again (after breaking my ankle) while increasing my sexiness also.

Fast-forward to May I made my debut in the gym 9 months later.  I thought being at my second home would give me all the motivation I needed – that being around the energy of like-minded folks would get my desire burning high.  But the truth is most of those folks in the gym wouldn’t know what it’s like to be me.  And currently speaking, I’m not sure what it’s fully like to be me anymore.  I’ve been transitioning into the unknown on a myriad trip.

Ever since I broke my ankle, my existence has changed.  Everything has become distorted, painful, effervescent, unique, spiritual or unidentified.  I still have complications, and I must obtain a second and third opinion from new surgeons, in order to gain some knowledge, so things are less unknown.

However, things have changed rapidly, and now I can set up back in the gym, but I’m intimidated simply by stepping on the elliptical machine, even though I force myself, so I don’t look like a scared cat in front of others.  Aside from the intimidation, I have constant shooting pains in my foot and they go upwards and I visualize these pains as shooting stars that go into the cosmos of my calves – and I wonder why I’m in a gym at all? And one glance at the chin up assisted machine and it looks like a skyscraper both mentally and physically – how am I to climb it without being frighten on the descending part for I can slip and break my ankle again?

I feel the anxiety of nerves freeze me in place in the center of the gym and I hope nobody notices my own little drama and sense of defeat.  I hope no one notices and this is why I cover myself with an overbearing hoodie to hide behind.  I’m overweight by my standards and I don’t know how I’m not myself anymore?  I am not the gym rat I used to know.  And should I be this gym obsessed person just because I’ve been one for over a decade?  Should I act as if nothing changed when everything changed in my life?  Or should I act as if everything changed as it did and proceed accordingly?

The next month I wrestled with doubling and tripling workouts in a single day at the gym despite my innermost disruptive sentiments.  I wanted to believe I can work through this by moving forward and forcing myself on these machines that used to be my favorite friends.  I do what common people do and bring guests with me so we can workout for the purpose of keeping accountable and motivated.  Well, I burned myself out in a month and a half.  I believe I did this subconsciously until the real answer tore from its denial system and decided to surface: I disliked going to the gym.

There are things I can’t do at the moment that I miss so much like Walking Lunges or Single Stiff-Legged Deadlifts. I can’t bend my foot in half without my arch giving way to a pain quite massive that I lose all hope in working out at all.  I don’t have the balance to stay on one foot for more than 20 seconds on a good day.  And I do focus on all the things I could do like push ups, shoulder presses, seated rows and such, but not even this keeps me motivated.  The next month in the middle of June I told all my guests I can no longer go to the gym 5-6 times a week which includes the multiple sessions in a day.  I’m breaking up with the gym for a little while.  I can probably go once or twice a week on the days where my mood is as bright as the sun.  I need a mental and physical breakthrough, and until this time comes I’ve changed gears.

Now I’m back at home with workouts.  I don’t have to hide from anyone, but myself (at times).  I feel freer and am creative with the dumbbells and barbell I have at home.  I pressure myself less on who I used to be since I’m not that person in and out the gym right now.  I have different goals, and one starts with the shape of my mentality.  Side notes consist of:  Taking turns doing multiple sessions in a single day from Wii Fit, fitness DVD’s and writing my own strength-training programs.  Home workouts seem to be more intense especially when mixed with less rest time.

One day I can go hard on my body, whether it is my Legs or Yoga, and the next day I have to pull back the reigns because the sour pain in my ankle won’t let up.  It all becomes about creating balance.  It all becomes about my preparation now for when I do go back to the gym with a body and mind-frame that would be better than even the person I used to know.  I’m a different person now, and this is a fact.  I have a different body now – another fact.  And what remains is that I’m just in the midst of trying to figure everything out in the meantime.

To be continued.. work in progress.




Every Thursday for the past month, I’ve been Training my 400lb friend @ a gym where we’re both members.  Obviously this makes everything easier and we rock out for as long as possible because we share the same love, passion, mindset, discipline and determination.  Also it helps that the gym is 24 hours.  We start at midnight when the gym dies down and stay for a few hours to forget about the world, forget about time, routines and whatever else.

Now, maybe one of you is wondering: How can a 400lb person share that type of passion and mindset for Fitness?  Long ago his Muay Thai Master instilled all these elements that takes decades for some people to achieve if at all.  But over the years he decided to give up entirely after his Master died and the perils of life swam over his head.  However this isn’t so much about his life or anything as much as what bothers me about him.  And maybe one of you lovely folks could actually give me one of your theories as to what his deal might be?

During our Training sessions I show him things as we go along.  He knows some basic exercises, but when it comes to mastering bodyweight exercises with good form/alignment or how to set up the resistance machines according to his body is type crucial.  I’ll pick out the body parts (just because he doesn’t want to) and we’ll rock out anywhere from 2-3 hours.  Usually devoted to our favorites like Dumbbells, Barbells and Resistance Machines.  And the last 20 minutes would be walking a mile at a pace he’s good with on the treadmill.

Now during our training sessions, it sort of seems like he goes through a mixture of feelings.  (Of course I’m assuming here based on my interpretations of his behaviors.)  One thing he does (which this past week he did not do because I tired his ass out and his weakness so happens to be his what?  Legs!) is try to burn me out.  He verbally presses the issue for me to lift heavy every set (which I do only on certain parts that wouldn’t hurt my rotator cuff).

Except one night he went off on a babble and said, “You have to do this because if I’m enduring this torture you have to too.”  I said, “I agree.   But you have to understand  1.  I have endured and continue to endure years of Training under my belt.  2.  I have to know my boundaries so my joints and other trigger points don’t get out of hand.  3.  You have to endure this Training!  You’re somewhere different from me.”  So like what’s his deal here?

The second thing he loves to do while I’m in my set and if I’m failing or failed or am completely exhausting the set and tend to do a staggered or pause/rep and I stop for 5 seconds say I did the number 10 or 12.  But my goal number was to hit 15.  He instantly shouts out I only did 5 repetitions as oppose to 10 or 12.  And no he’s not stupid!  Far from it.  But I presume he thinks this is cute?  I said, “No this was the amount of reps I counted.  How you figure?”  And then he goes to argue with me like some delusional fuckhead!

So far once during a set after I clearly hit muscular failure at 10, he says, “Give me 2 more reps for not hitting the number goal.”  I instantly wonder not only: What’s his deal?  (But does he want to take over and Train me or us together? Does he even understand what muscular failure is?)  He has to lose a tremendous amount of weight.  He came to me to train him.  I’m doing all this for free.  So could it be he’s too busy looking at me more as a friend than his trainer in the moment of our training session?  (I’ve had this little dilemma before, typically with women.)  Or does he want to feel like a man in the midst of our training? Especially when I outdo him (not meaning to) with exercises or weight?

He has a problem with lifting lighter weights and repping out.  He doesn’t listen to my instructions when he goes to the gym solo throughout the week.  He has a problem not wanting to buy 3 Gatorades when I tell him to stop that sugary shit.  Then the part I don’t really get (and it could be because he’s Latin meaning his mother/wife performs duties for him that he should be doing for himself) that once after we finished up our 4 sets of Seated One-Arm rows he’s huffing and puffing and tells me:  “Can you go downstairs and get me a Gatorade?”

Mind you all this as his 400lb ass is still sitting and grasping for air.  I’m confused as to  1.  Why he’s so fucking lazy to go downstairs and not get a Gatorade even though he’s slow like a slug and still can burn calories anyway?  And  2.  Is he a woman?  Why is he asking me to go get him something like I’m the man?  I don’t believe in this whole “oh I’m such an independent woman that I would want my man to start being the bitch for the littlest thing!”

One week he asked me for 50 cents for a Gatorade.  And after the gym he would like it if I went one week to pay for both our foods and one week he pays.  All this brought me back to was all the memories of when we were in school together for Automotive Body and Repair.  I can’t believe I forgot all those tiny memories. But they slowly came up to the surface like how he would want me to buy him food all the time and he was half the size then 250lbs?  (He recently lost a 100lbs, so he was 500.)  Even back when I analyze his eating habits in 4 bites his pizza would vanish.  His meat patty with cheese still sizzling about to disappear into his vicious depression and hate for the choices he’s made in his life and how he doesn’t forgive himself.

This also reminds me how nice I am to people who I believe are my friends.  But at the same time how much of a leech he is, how easy it is for him (and the world) to take full advantage.  And these are some of the things that are nagging me about him. So if this keeps going I’m going to have to shut him down completely. Right?


Ultimate Press Bar

Started using my Ultimate Press Bar and it’s motherfuckin’ fabulous!

I can perform my Reverse Push-ups, Dips and Hanging Knee Raises.  Now KNOW I love my dumbbells first!  Barbells and Machines second.  So why did I resort to buying this Press Bar?  A few reasons, but one major reason is due to the fact that I want to learn how to master my bodyweight.  It’s very important to master one’s own bodyweight because this would mean you have an outstanding foundation!  One could use their entire body as one unit.  So, instead of bench pressing and only moving half your body, you can move your whole body and double the heart rate, the calories, oxygen consumption and hit more muscle fibers, no?!

Now shouldn’t this be common sense?  It should, right?  I mean, off the top of my head there are people who prove  bodyweight exercises are the shit:  Those that go into the Army.  I mean, we all know a person has to pass a physical exam before they can join the Be all You Can Be squad.  And those who have to work their asses off to be highly conditioned in order to perform badass moves like roundhouse kicks and flying knees.  Welcome to the jungle of MMA (Mixed Martials Arts)!

So of course with the journey of Training Life comes stubbornness (excuses as to why I don’t want to change my exercise program, the fear and the constant hesitation of trying something new) and a billion cases of trials and errors.  Or in my case, mindlessly jumping into probably one of the biggest errors I’ve done thus far, which was Lift, Lift, Lift!  (I have the injuries and setbacks to prove it! )  Lifting because I love anything I can wrap my hand around that’s made out of metal and steel.  Nothing moves me or makes me feel quite as ecstatic, alive and as fucking powerful as going against resistance.  Could be a psychological thing?  You know like rebelling.  But this is obviously done in a different fashion.  *puts finger to lip*  Who really knows?

However buying the Ultimate Body Press will motivate me to change my ways once again.  Nothing in Life or in Training is suppose to be set in it’s ways anyhow.  If so, then I/you’re not maturing much in and out the many facets concerning your everyday or personal life.  I know how hard it is to change one’s belief systems, simply because  you truly believe you KNOW all that there is to KNOW.  And NO! Usually not the case. It takes a Lifetime (sometimes way more) just to master 1 skill. Anyhow as usual, I came to my senses or better yet I let my intuition guide steer me naturally towards a path I’m destined to be.  Crazy! because my Training Life is so deep that I do feel it on a subconscious and spiritual level as oppose to only hitting it on the surface (physical) or what it could also be looked at for:  Vanity Purposes.

On another note, I have realize, not only can I use my Ultimate Press Bar for Training benefits.  But I’m thinking about using it for sexual duties too.  Yes I love the idea and yes it sort of goes hand in hand with one another, don’t you think?  I can come up with a few sexual positions on this Bar.

Why not, right? 😉


I Can Be A Bitch @ The Gym!

And frankly, I don’t give a fuck!

Surely, I feel bad for the females and males that want to come up to me and ask me a million training tips.  I feel their aura.  I saw that young lady watching me down to when I wrote every exercise, reps and notes I jotted.  I sense their puppiness.  And I certainly want to reach out towards them (and there are times when I do), but I can’t afford to let my guard down when I have  already built my shield of steel, ready to zero in focus and gearing to get the GAME FACE up to PLAY!

See, when you step into the Weight Room area, it’s not for the faint of heart.  You have to step right up and steal the limelight like a rapper to a mic.  The Weight Room Area shouldn’t be for Beginners.  It would make them a bit insecure and by all means intimidated.  And if you’re saying, everyone has to start somewhere?  Well, that’s where the Nautilus machines come in.  I, completely understand their fears and concerned questions..and as much as I would love to care for most of the beginners and take them under my wing, there’s always somebody to fill in that spot.

The Weight Room Area isn’t intended for those women who are too busy picking up light weights hoping to God it’s going to do  something like get better Tricep shape or lose fat.  I can tell they suck because there’s no proper form, no feeling, no fucking meaning like having sex with your homely husband!  It’s simply a flail of lazy arms “going through the motions” so to speak.  However, my favorites are those folks who fail to write a program out from the get go.  So they’re immobile like a deer in headlights looking at the dumbbells like it’s their first pair of boobs…*scratches head* ..”where do I start?”.. “what do I do with it?”

They could get out my way as I take Center Stage! 😉

Being that men are assholes, especially in the weight room… I’m a fucking bitch!  And if someone asks me to jump in when I’m already on a machine and I allow their presence in my steel aura…then.. I must be in a great fucking mood, or the guy came off nice and asked in a pleasant way or that guy is good-looking/has a big butt or I’m not going in for that day’s circuit training regimen.  So, again, since men are destined to be assholes, I can certainly be a bitch.  Which reminds me, just the other day…

There was a bench open.  I quickly analyzed and saw that someone had called “dibs” on it from the looks of their 115lb dumbbells, keys and cellphone.  Of course, no one was physically there to claim it, right!  And well, I knew a big guy was going to be coming around as soon as I’m about to call it mine.  And what do you know?

A giant Caucasian man comes by says:
“I’m using that.”
I said:
“Are you now?  You weren’t here just a minute ago.”
He says:
“I was drinking water.”
*I roll my eyes.*
Then he says:
“You can jump on and use the bench with me.”
And a third guy behind the back of me, obviously wants no trouble of any kind says:
“You can take my bench.  No worries.”
I said:
“No.  No worries.  I won’t take none, but this one”…
*pointing to the one right to the left of me*


Because truth was I wanted to start shit for the hell of it.  I blame it on the Testosterone.  But, I didn’t need to pick that bench.

Many men find me annoying in the gym.  Many men try and put me down when they get the chance and tell me stupid shit like:  “You’re going to be bigger than a man” and “Females don’t look right with lots of muscle.” (Mind you, Is till have loads of fat on my body!)  Many men do their best to intimidate me with their solid grill football masks and indomitable aura.  I shake them off with my eyes, with a head nod, with a shrug, with my own Pennington Hall’s manic eyes and clench fists in combination of a workout that’s intense by 10, going harder in their FACE!  I’m not some pussy ass broad.  I have bigger Outer Lips, then men have balls!

So, does their intimidation factor work?   HELL NO!  I have Pride.  I have Ego.  I know how to play and Don being an Asshole.  I know how to make shit work for me.  I know how to outsmart the players in the field.  I know how to get my way.  And because of all this, by far, it’s the best to KNOW how to WIN.

I’m in it always..and this bitch ain’t going anywhere.