“Empty Stomach Reality” Two!

Nearly everyone who fasts, discovers the same thing, that when they fast they actually have no hunger and more energy than they normally have. It is indeed liberating to find out that if we let go and trust that we will be taken care of.”

Here’s the other half to where it started:  Empty Stomach Reality.  There are lots of benefits with Fasting when it comes to the body/mind/spirit.  But I’m not going to get into how or why you can lose bodyfat or how it reduces blood pressure, repairs your cells and increases growth hormones.  For Christ Sake I’m just a simpleton!  Over the course of my experience with Fasting I’ll present to you the benefits of what Fasting has done for Me in no particular order.  But before I get to the positive part.  Here are a few negatives with explanations of what I learned along the way.

The Not-So Benefits that could be Overridden.

1.  Fasting often doesn’t necessarily mean it’s better!

Really once a week every week, if one feels they need that much, can be overdoing it.  I realized this too late in between mid-month of November to December.  I was beyond committed to Fasting like it was a golden key to unlocking the mysteries of religion or coming to terms with body science.  But along the journey my body became sick and any kind of food I put into my mouth made me profoundly nauseous.  No matter how small the portion was or healthy.

The thought of eating made me want to spew my empty reality and if I could have thrown up my intestines I would have while stabbing it repeatedly with a fork for being such a fucking asshole!  (But, it doesn’t make any sense that I be mad at my body for something I clearly started for my own selfish reasons.)  Sometimes I can take what I’m experimenting on into a nasty form of OCD and get lost in it because it’s my chemical romance.

2.  Timing like most things can make the difference between experiencing a good fast or a terrible one.

I’m a night owl.  So it made perfect sense for me to start my Fast at the latest 11pm to the following night at 11pm.  On rare occasions, I would start a fast as early as 3pm.  But I found the earlier I had to deal with the Fast the earlier Life’s distractions and emotions sat on my boulder shoulders pecking me like Woody Wood to eat something.  Hunger pangs during the day just never sat well with me.  Why should it when I can sleep through half the Fast instead of being up for all of it? 😉  Still I expect this, with working, training and dealing with stupid people however.  The question is:  When is the best time for you to deal with (literally) less on your plate while being affected by other disagreeable circumstances?

That’s a personal choice.

3.  Be extra prepared for a Fast.

There are going to be without a doubt Fasts that will go according to your plan.  You set up the date.  You’ve been visualizing it the entire week and have also been setting up how you’re going to keep busy and arrive extra early for work because you won’t be stopping by the Coffee Shop.  Then there are those horrible Fasts where maybe you didn’t get enough sleep or you went too hard working out a day and a half ago and things are still lingering.  To the point where the Fast itself is completely telling you to “go fuck yourself!”   You stand there blindly like the fuck?  I thought I fucking mastered the not eating part.

So there were times when Herbal Tea assisted my hunger pangs.  Other times just the sight of Water fucked with my eyes and I became nauseous.  And this is when I learned that one 5-10 calorie stick of gum came to my rescue.  Weird, I thought?  But whatever works to get you from Point A to Point B is what I always say.

4.  Defending Fasting From Others

I thought I was being smart the first few times I fasted by writing down the word Fasting on my hands, wrists and arms because there were instances when I naturally wanted to go to my kitchen or purchase food without thinking while window-shopping.  But then drama happened, “Is that a tattoo?  Oh!  You’re Fasting?  That’s not good!  That’s dangerous.  You could die.  You’re going to slow down your metabolism and screw up your hormones.  Aren’t you defeating the purpose of lifting weights if you need to eat to maintain your muscle?”  The shit never stops!

So I stopped writing the word on myself and kept Fasting as discreet as my DM’s on Twitter while defending what I was doing to an extent.  Most people are dumb and love to bask in ignorance.  Just let them.  Most average people don’t even know what it takes to be determined, gun-ho to set a goal or workout.  Let alone what it’s like to abstain from food.  Rather than focus on the benefits they rather focus on other people’s opinions because they’re too lazy to research themselves.  I bet you if everyone admitted to Fasting and it wasn’t looked at as something only Muslims do, they be fucking doing it with no negativity in the forefront.

5.  Bad breath & Canker Sores

Counter it by brushing your teeth, gums and tongue often.. especially when servicing people face to face.

6.  Diarrhea. 

Everyone will obviously act differently.  And I have quite a few stories on this alone.  Seemed like every time I finally ate after an entire day of Fasting.  I had 15-20 minutes (because stuff like this you must time) where I had to run to the bathroom.  Or head into Starbucks after telling my friend to pull over while we were about to get on the highway and shit violently while praying no one comes into bathroom when I’m done.  Well, because it reminded me of this:

7.  Joint pain & Muscle Tightness

Just stretch, get extra rest and drink yourself into a water coma.

8.  Emotional Overload/Overreacting

I think it’s completely normal to be super sensitive when the body is going through it’s bouts of Fasting.  Expect certain things to bother you that has never bothered you before.  But at the same time understand it will go away and remind yourself that every sense/emotion is heightened because of the Fasting Process.  Write down your reflections.

The Intriguing, Yet Sloppily Written Benefits

1. I’m able to tell the difference between a mind/emotional hunger versus a true/body one.

This may be the most important thing anyone can take away from Fasting.  Are you aware when you’re hungry?  If so, is it when you’re bored, emotionally distraught at a lost for words or when you’re Body is actually HUNGRY?  Can you tell the difference between being thirsty or when your hunger pangs are all in your mind?  Are you willing to find out?

Body signals are significantly worth getting to know.

2.  I have a deeper sense of clarity.  I have less mind clutter.  I’m able to make decisions better. 

Self-explanatory, really.

3.  I have a sense for/of cleanliness. 

Maybe this is due to a subconscious and conscious detoxification process.  This includes cleaning my space and actually other people’s space as well, whether this includes the apartment (donating clothes, throwing away clutter) or the place in which I work (organizing dumbbells, filing papers).  Fuck.  I kid you not!  I went into a place to purchase a salad and I while I was waiting patiently I went to pick up all the receipts off from the floor.  I just wanted it clean.

4. I find myself yearning for Zen in every way possible.

This also means I want to live more in a state of being present and achieving a higher level of consciousness.  Not to be confused with necessarily going along with the flow.  I like some kind of structure whether it’s due to moral or restraint purposes.  But here’s an example that’s completely honest:  I can feel how the weather is like early in the morning when I’m blessed with another day for life, breath and opening my eyes.  Strange, but true.  I can feel the earth of the gray if it’s raining out or my own aura radiating like a sweet flower petal rising to touch the sun.

5.  I have enormous amounts of peaked energy throughout the day and night that sometimes I find it difficult to sleep. 

And here I thought the only time I can obtain tremendous amounts of furious energy was when I ate every 2-3 hours.   Or after a bout of hypersexual-ness?  I had a few episodes where I broke night because of such mighty energy levels.

6.  I find annoyances in the way people consume things whether for greedy reasons or cultural conditioning ones. 

I hate the thought of Malls and food courts with welcoming doors for people who are readily available to throw their souls away without a second thought into what or how their cloths and toys were made.

7.  My body feels lighter.  I feel much more agile like Spiderman.  Entirely from the inside out.

8.  Fasting resets my blood sugar levels and any grogginess I might have been feeling on a particular day that I couldn’t completely shake off on my own.

9.  Fasting shrank my stomach!

There are many fucking times where I frankly don’t care to admit when I just want to eat everything because I just like stuffing shit in my goddamn mouth.  Really I have no good reason?  However when those precious times would come around when I wanted to do nothing but overeat.  I couldn’t.  Mostly because my stomach shrank in more than one way.  So I wasn’t allowed to be a Fat ass when I wanted.  This scared the fuck out of me and also made me pretty sad.  Yeah yeah, I know I’m a fatass! 😀

10.  Experienced no constipation.

11.  Breathing becomes different. 

I noticed this while performing Yoga.  I’m able to inhale much more deeply without beginner’s strain or whatever.  So much so that it astounded me as I felt my spine and muscles lengthen to a fucking degree I wish I could describe. 😦

12.  Allowed me to forget calorie-counting to a certain point while making it easier to eat loadfuls of veggies at a time.  I now love veggie slop.  Who knew?

13.  I learned how to better listen to my body for everything including the point where a full 1 week recovery was all I needed to be able to kick up the workouts again.

At this point in time I stood away from all types of exercises, including stretching.  I never once exerted myself.  Instead I allowed all the pain from my joints and muscles to come out and heal up.  When I was done with the rest I had obviously weigh myself before and after.  I wound up losing 5lbs.

14.   Become much more thankful and grateful for meals while eliminating the need to overindulge or fall prey into strong cravings.

Actually I rarely had any cravings while Fasting.  Sometimes I felt like eating became a new experience as I started to focus on the textures of different foods and liquids.

15.  Stronger self-discipline and self-control.  I couldn’t believe I could watch people gorge on food and not once be affected by wanting some.  When it’s ON.  It’s ON!

16.  Last but not least:  The world of magical senses.  You know what they say, if you take a sense away it will amplify the other senses. 

Hello to the best sense of smell I’ve had in all of my existence.  I really don’t think it’s coincidence on why my sense of smell has increased as my taste and action for eating has decrease.   And why change any of this when I like it?

And some things I didn’t do during the times when I Fasted before, while or after:

I barely did any type of workout during a Fast.  Of course I tried and succeeded.  But at a price of being extremely lethargic.  I would stretch and maybe add a Yoga session in at best.  I also didn’t do such hardcore gruesome workouts on the night before a Fast because recovery seemed to be a bitch after.  I never overate after coming off a Fast.  Most times I couldn’t.  But I severely under-ate after.  I made sure to eat well before I was about to fast and took in more fats.  I’m sure there’s more I can put down, but I once again have said enough.

Would anyone like to share their Fasting experiences?  We’re all eyes here.


The Up’s & Down’s of Losing Weight (A Personal Story)

Most people have them: Chubb and fat photos.

There are also exceptions to the rule like those hardgainers who in all life couldn’t gain weight or an ounce of  muscle to spare their fucking life. And so they break their backs (just like the Fitness Enthusiasts/Bodybuilders) with headaches, sacrifice, blood, sweat and tears training hard! They eat trucks and cars for breakfast and dinner and wrestle gorillas so that when they take brand new photos: They’re fucking legit! 😉

Well I had a normal childhood in terms of Bodyweight. (I don’t possess a scanner, otherwise I would post a photo of what I call then the luxury body.) I grew up with the luxury of being what I call “Skinny” or to what others deem the perfect 120lb body. In some cultures like the  Spanish Community I tell you we love full-figured curves. So putting on jeans at this Skinny weight always left me hella self-conscious. I was peer pressured lots to dress like some sort of female, especially when I went out clubbing with the girls and I dreaded my Skinny Legs. I thought everyone was looking at them. But they were really just looking at my tits. LoL!

However having this 120 body at the time wasn’t something I strove to have. Tis was the life of being a picky eater with a virginized never hit cultured tongue. Tis was the life of having a what you call youngin-metabolism. Tis was the life of being naive and having sex 5-8 times a day because it was new to me. I didn’t cherish my pussy or esteem well.. plus I wanted to spite the shit out of my mother. Fabulous times!

I didn’t start gaining weight til I was 21 years old. By 22 years of age I checked myself out in a mirror one day and couldn’t fucking believe what I saw! *faints* I had no mirrors in the apartment at the time (living with my boyfriend) period! That was my first mistake. I knew something was strange when I couldn’t wear my jewelry around my sausage fingers anymore. I also knew something was type odd when I would bend down to pick something off the floor and my own skin (fat) would pinch me.

Subconsciously I knew I was fat and I was in denial said all the long skirts I so happen to wear out on evenings. And I couldn’t walk 2 blocks without my ankles bothering the hell out of me, not to mention the shin splits JUST FORM FUCKING WALKING! Poor body! And don’t get me started on the constant water retention during the Summer time. Not fucking fun! Oh and the best part was that my thunder thighs and big ass had all the Black men lining up as if I were the spectacle of the NBA. Fabulous times! ><

How did the weight gain happen?

Easy! I was in a horrible, depressive and dreadful relationship for roughly 3 years of my newly fresh out of the nineteen life and over into twenty. I knew we were going to have problems with diet because this guy ate mounds of food all day long. We would dine 4-6 times a day all around the city. I’m talking about eat anything from Malaysian to Italian.  We would get high, get the munchies and rack up on foods in the middle of the night as if we’re having a contest on who can eat the most! During the time I didn’t know any better as to why women couldn’t eat the same amount of food a hefty bear man could eat and expect to remain the same weight. (Another reason to hate the biology makeup of men!)

What was the first thing that sparked me to change my weight?

I went for a doctor visit, took my physical exam, waited for the results and found out I was PRE-DIABETIC! Instantly, like in a blink of an eye I saw my entire obese aunts, uncles, cousins, mother and brother (til I helped him shed lbs and gain muscle) and in two words said: FUCK THIS! After that I went to a free nutritionist who gave me poor advice (free = poor advice), but I used it to my advantage, did some research myself and dropped 34lbs in 6 months.

How did I do that? It was called under-eating (1600) and massive amounts of cardio work for 5-6 times a week, not including 2-3 more sessions of working out at home. Plus I deprived myself to no end. Never touching one chip or a cookie. So, what happened? I put the weight right back on. See because during the time I still didn’t understand the word: Lifestyle! I resorted right back to my old ways of eating.

More Great News!

Another doctor visit: My tests showed my thyroid’s meant to be underactive. Now, could you imagine how discouraged I felt after this? First I piled the weight back on and NOW THIS SHIT! She gave me a purple pill and told me “this is the solution to your problem.” BULLSHIT! The pill helped ZERO! The rest I did on my own! By this time 2005-2006 I was working for a gym, personal training. I decided to get into this field after I helped my brother shed massive weight/fat from an astounding 300lbs to a healthy confident 230lbs of rock solid muscle. Of course now he’s embedded to me forever! 😉

I wanted to be on my A-game and show people that, “If I can do it, you can do it too.” So I lost weight again. Quite quickly! (I love putting in the physical work!) At this point of my Life I was starting to feel like the yo-yoing of Janet Jackson. Now I can keep going on the subject, but for now Bodybuilding ~Bodysculpting is my thing! Also let it be known that I train hard, diet (hard on~off~on~off) and I don’t take that goddamn pill!

And it’s an endless struggle still for reasons known and unknown. But it’s a fabulous thing that I love me challenges to begin with. It keeps me on my toes, as it should you.



I find myself in and out of what I know as:  Binge-Eating.

I’m aware there’s a difference between wanting to eat a lot and enjoying what you’re eating.   Usually the second can be done at a fine restaurant where you have to show good face and not suck your fingers off and ask the person you’re quite familiar with:  “Are you going to eat that?”

I’ve always had a big appetite.   Always!  From when I could remember around the age of 7, I celebrated when I ate my first 2 Filet-O-Fish sandwiches.  *MOM LOOK!!!*   By the time 12 of age came I was practically swallowing Double Cheeseburgers and whatever else I could get my hands on.  For a long while I was a very picky eater like I wouldn’t eat white rice without ketchup, that sort of thing!  But I also fell into a trap of fasting at first, which turn into starvation.  I only drank fluids.  I never ate nothing solid.  Aiming for that perfect body, the 6-pack, which I achieved at a young age.  I’m losing track..

As I aged I’ve become greedy with food.  And by greedy I mean, there are times when I’ll order lots of food and make sure to eat it ALL of it.   An example was last month:  I had 2 Double-cheese Burgers, 1 Fish Sandwich Small Fries, some Chicken Nuggets and well, I still wasn’t full.  I would have easily ordered some more food, but I had gotten up for the second round already.  I didn’t want another funny ass look from the person behind the service desk taking my order.   Sometimes these ground rules help me.  Not really ground rules, but you get what I mean..right?…

I also do shit like this:   Buy a huge bag of my favorite chips (when I’m being naughty or having a cheat day) and make sure to eat the whole bag in one sitting.  And I refuse to share.  I always tell my friends or folks who are with me to get their own bag, even if it means I have to pay for it.

Binge-eating seems to have a play in my life this past month.  Could be winter?  Could be depression?  Or could be I’m making up for the months when I was an angel on my diet?   But I’ve allowed myself to eat what I want to try and  make peace with myself and the balance of eating.  I’ve hit this phase of eating pretty hard this month, in terms of stocking up and eating and eating.   Not necessarily eating every sugary or greasy crap out there.  Just filling my belly, as if, I were hibernating soon.  I believe, it’s due to me reacting to the 8 months of calorie-counting and dieting.  Not having certain foods, telling myself I love veggies and trying to believe I do like eating veggies and eating healthy.

But that’s a lie!

I’m not sure if I’m thinking entirely when I have these episodes of uncontrollable urges for overeating.   The times that I DO catch myself thinking I simply say, “I don’t give a fuck!”  Surely sometimes depression can trigger this or the day during/after a heavy weight lifting session.   But with working out, I can tell if I’m not careful or within self-containing stages, this becomes a form of compensation.   This sucks of course because then I feel I have to workout harder throughout the week.

I’ am positively sure I have a classic case of some type of eating disorder, no matter how minuscule it may seem.  But I may have been avoiding it.  They say being a woman in the Western culture heightens this classic case.   Sighs.   I hate thinking about even becoming a statistic.  For all I know it’s all genetics as plenty of things are.  I know how it runs deep in my blood to have all sorts of disorders from mental to emotional…

To be continued…


Phases Of Eating

Over the months, for a little more then half a year I’ve gone through so many different cycles with eating that I should win an award for “best nutrition-emotional-roller-coaster EVER.”

Now I knew the nutrition thing was going to be tough.  But I couldn’t imagine it being as tough as how I’ve been creating it for myself.  My phases have started from restricted calories, being perfect and never going over not by one number of my calories.  I’ve dipped below my calories quite a few times barely making it to 1500 or 1600 for 2 months.

I went through the phase of watching everything I was doing when eating and not eating.  I engage in this behavior for so long it was to the point where I wouldn’t bother going out to diners or restaurants with my closest people in my circle.

I went through the phase of only eating bars.  Substituting protein bars for every solid meal.  And what wind up happening during this phase is feeling weak, fatigue, running on auto-pilot, damaging my energy, continuing through my intense workouts with pounding headaches, close to passing out.  Once I dropped my wallet in Duane Reade while waiting on line and didn’t realize it until the cashier was kindly enough to point it out to me!  I remember that day clearly, I just finished going through another intense workout with no fuel and close to puking.  By the time I went to Duane Reade I was just zone out in a tiredness I’ve never felt in my life. And I guess, during this phase I realize that bars aren’t food and it doesn’t really assist me in much.

I finally reverted back to food.  But by this time I wasn’t having any cravings. I was only having 1 cheat day or cheat meal and it wasn’t enough, so I thought.  But I was paranoid and being Little Miss Perfect and I wouldn’t do anything to compromise losing half a lb or a full lb a week.

Deep down for me, all this was sweet torture.  I found that not having cravings is a horrible thing.  Cravings are normal.  And with food, people should have them.  They put you in balance.  They make you healthy.  So what happens when you have no cravings?

In my case, when I decided to throw out the restricted calorie diet for an entire month during the summertime (July), not only did I gain 4lbs I lost! But I kept binging on food.  I would stock up on eating like I was going to hibernate.  I wasn’t enjoying what I was eating by this time.  (I’m scared to enjoy food.)  I was only eating to eat.  And with no cravings, when do you know when it’s time to stop eating?  There is no greater force above you!  It’s all in your control.  All mine.

I’m going through another phase.  And this phase is not wanting to eat at all.  I still don’t have any have cravings.  But no food is appetizing to me at all. (There is one exception:  Magnolia Bakery.  Due to not having pastries, cakes and pies all my life.  So it’s interesting that I enjoy this.)  I don’t even enjoy my favorite fast food:  White Castle.  Not pizza.  Not pasta.  No tacos.  No rice and beans.  Absolutely nothing!  So why should I eat?  What’s the point?  I’m tired of eating anyways.  I feel like food and calories are all the enemy.  I have no idea how all of this have accumulated in the mere 8 months.

And to make matters worse, for me, I’ve plateau under a nutritionist watch for the past 4 months.  She failed me consistently.  She knew my intensity at which I worked but told me I needed 1700 calories a day.  Meanwhile one of my training sessions burns anywhere from 700-1300 during a 4-5 x a week regimen.

So yes, I”m frustrated and want to throw everything that involves nutrition out the window.  And besides all the balance, all the chemistry work in my body, the metabolism..I really find no point of eating anymore.

Sounds like I need some help…