Unoccupied yet Occupied


The internal struggle is real. So I believe, within my struggle. For months I’ve been battling and fighting and influencing and along the way I’ve made some mistakes all the while raising my head as lofty as the Statue of Liberty. Only to get fired by the place in which I worked for over 5 years. It’s finalized and it’s severed and within it’s severance I’ve learned many different things to the parts of a story.

Like for one, being in denial of how one really feels about any given situation. How does one center themselves in the midst of what they truly don’t want to consider because they suppose that actually feeling within the moment will turn to perpetual weakness? Or how much of what we do in the present and future stems from our past childhoods? For example: I cringe at unfairness and this is derived from being treated unfairly as a child.

Moving on if you follow the series of my thoughts: Perhaps it’s better and clever to give an oath to being silent and perform character assassination rather than stand up with pride on your side and give your two cents on how to resolve operations or how to fix the unfairness in the face of favoritism and being human?

It seems that silence is golden and silence is taken more seriously and silence is safe and silence means that one day when you finally decide to speak up that somebody may listen to you attentively with one head tilted to the right the way they used to when they stopped listening because you’ve opened your mouth too much but only because it was encouraged. But perhaps they encouraged for manipulative reasons?

Or maybe it’s ridiculous to believe that an idealist can be practical in the world of business and where realism is concern, that there isn’t a place for such majestic and honest principles?

Perhaps it’s better to turn the other way and remain silent and follow the herd because being a leader means standing alone and standing alone means everyone is against you at a certain point in time because they lack the courage you have because they don’t have a big bite or enough fight because they wouldn’t put their job on the line like you would.

All this is why I’ve been fired.


And You?

I’m fighting for sanity.  I’m fighting for happiness.  I’m fighting for weight loss.  I’m fighting the acid in my stomach when I’m hungry.  I’m fighting to gain muscle.  I’m fighting to be injury-free.  I’m fighting reps.  I’m fighting the catty slut bitches in the middle of my day.  I’m fighting the constant failures and disappointments of men.  I’m fighting for forgiveness.  I’m fighting for dreams I’ve never had.  I’m fighting so I can come up with dreams I’ve never had.  I’m fighting for peace of mind.  I’m fighting to adjust in every catapult situation.  I’m fighting for grace.  I’m fighting for relationship(s) that may not want to be saved.  I’m fighting time.  I’m fighting depression.  I’m fighting my current state of mind.  I’m fighting for spirituality.  I’m fighting for laughter.  I’m fighting for everything and nothing at the same time.  And I’m quite exhausted.

What are you fighting for?