Rump Fun


My body’s thumping.
My heart’s pumping.
My rump is shaking.
My skin is baking.


The verge of a coughing fit is near, but good women like me enjoy revolving around naughty actions.  I rise above my upper respiratory tragedy and decide to sweat the illness away by twerking out to rhythmic music.  This evening I wear a form-fitting black blouse with light gray harem pants.  The loose fabric puts me in the mind state of free flow.  Also, strangely, I know this now, but never focused on it then, if I want to form a better connection with my glutes they mustn’t be shielded with an undergarment.

So the warm up begins, body temperature is busy with total body dynamic stretches and a various amount of hip circles in every direction.  I thrive in the sensation of my muscles and blood heating up and swirling with flaming passion.  Already I can sense the beloved charming playfulness and my fierce sexual energy intertwine as one.  I throw my hands high in the sky, shuffle my feet to the beat and lose myself to the experience of my heart being musically inclined to the coolness of a down tempo.

My hair is loose, happy-go-lucky and fun just like my attitude.  And I can feel the music about to change and lead on it’s up tempo journey and this is where open joy takes place and I forget about the meddling of my chest congestion and need of an asthma pump push.  I grin in beautiful amusement and shake my tush like a hypnotic waterbed.  I shake it in the vein of wanting an imaginary world to stand at my peppery interest.  I shake it with the intent to make the fabric of my blouse stick with sweat to the small of my back and my harem pants dance against its own resolve.  Proudly I wiggle my rump like a basic bellydance shimmy.  I continue vibrating my bum to turbo achievement without letting any other body part assist.

Except, my body has a habit of working as a unit, so my core tightens on it’s own accord like a watchful warrior as well as my conscious thighs flex because they’re always ready to slay with action.  And I continue in a light trance bending over forward similar to a hamstring stretch as I come back up and bend over again and come back up continuously wobbling my bum with a blissful smile on my face.  I keep this stance happily for minutes on end before stepping out with a leg and creating a mini circle with my ass still quivering in its womanly flamboyance.

The hips continue side to side during the wobbling effect as I squat down and squat wobbling back up easy like a summer breeze.  And it remains intriguing back then while I practiced as now how my butt jiggles with a mind of its own.  I start to zone out a bit more and hurl my ass back into the groins of an imaginary person circling deliberately at first, but then building it forceful.  In my head, I envision myself a ballerina on a dazzling jewelry box merrily going around and round yet evidently not as graceful, but putting in work as one for I never stop my glute throwback circles until I begin to feel a deep side stitch.

Then I move on and sit in a low squat position, fingers rotated inward so they face and grip the top of my inner thighs.  It is here I feel the twerk within the static creases of my traps, triceps, back, core, erector spinae, tush, quads and hamstrings.  I arch my hypersensitive back like a cat and lift my glutes upwards slow and drop it back down vigorously so they bounce relaxed and free from care.  Gradually I bounce back up and down until the bum makes a synchronized ripple wave effect in all types of speed.

I feel my cough starting to climb and I settle down for a moment with calculated rhythm even as I carry the synchronized effect of the bounce in a smooth slow left and smooth slow right motion.  Then I continue in the low squat to jerk my butt up and down while performing a big circle horizontally known by the terminology as around the world.  And by this point my heart and lungs are beating in powerful fashion because they’re trying to catch up to the constant jumping of my harem pants and derrière.  My legs fatigue under constant tension, but I feel wonderful living for these moments of fitness and body awareness.

I keep at different movements to different rhythmic songs for twenty minutes before I start to head on the floor, arms stretched out, palms on the ground where I brace and arch my lower back and soften my knees in a very high doggie position.  My triceps contract hard, core is engaged, but the arch stays high and I once again allow my ass to go to places where it’s unrestricted.  I let it tremble by popping it up in the air and dropping it low.  I let it quake like someone is behind me letting their engine rev into my behind as I rev mine back at them.  I allow my ass to thunder with additional help when I use momentum from my bent legs and shoot the back and bum upwards in a quick succession.  I create fascinating hops, beautiful bounces, alluring circles and waves whether delicate or dynamic.


I persist popping the booty until I finally feel like I’m losing the limits of fluidity thirty to sixty minutes later.  In between I take a breather, but then I start to wind down when my form starts to break and my lower back is inflamed like I maxed out on a thousand and one deadlifts.  I slow it down when my thighs are trembling uncontrollably and I can no longer reach a balance of going back and forth between standing, squatting or bending down.  This is where I get on my knees, jiggle extremely and even isolate each cheek separately with muscle control and than together because rather than feel sick and depressed in bed.  I rather undergo contentment in unvarying states of movement while getting my fitness in.  Plus I mustn’t disappoint my imaginary audience in the process.


This would be a twerk level I would love to get to.  Watch Lexy Panterra’s Twerk Out.

Happy training!


Barrier Break

A year and a half ago my life changed when I fell backwards on the skateboard and my foot got caught in the back of my other leg just before my bodyweight came crashing down on it and I broke my ankle.  My life changed just because I wanted to have fun, just because I desired to take risk, just because I desired to feel emancipated.  I made a choice despite peer pressure.  I made a choice despite my beginner status.  I made a choice because of adrenaline because of confidence and that single moment changed my life in a nanosecond.

After the cast, wheelchair, crutches and learning how to walk all over again I became afraid of everything from tying my sneakers to going outside.  I also didn’t like anyone.  I felt I couldn’t relate anymore with others.  The people who I thought would be there when the chips were down weren’t even there.  So I kept myself in isolation because this felt easiest.  I wasn’t feeling the world.  During the process I questioned the world.  I debated on my entire existence.  I no longer identified with the biggest part of my life – fitness.  I only identified with healing and recovery.

So I became afraid of everything living in a repeated trauma.  The body is an amazing machine.  Still, the psychological portion is where my issue exists.  For a good amount of time I didn’t want to walk on my crutches from fear of injuring and falling again.  After the cast came off and I could walk without an extreme limp I had the problem of wanting to step in the shower because I could slip in there too.  To this day I fight through many different mental and physical barriers.  I tell myself, “I’m a warrior.  I’m fine.  I can do this.  Everything will be okay.”

But no matter how wintry or full of spring it is, going outside is another battle because stepping on or stepping off the curb sends an apprehensive trigger within.  Then in a split second an image appears with a thousand ankles all lined diagonal breaking at the same time and the bones make a big sharp crunch sound.  This is where I remain frozen.  I get lightheaded.  I feel the panic and anxiety creeping like mad ants throughout my entire body.  I stand on the sidewalk like a lost little lamb trying to hide my terror from everyone outside.  I stand under the shade for 5-20 minutes or find the nearest bench I can sit and rely on.  I try to shake it out my head like it’s the nightmare it has been for over a year plus but it’s painfully difficult.  I wonder when these fears and worries will take flight?

Time, strength, online friends, partner support and my current therapist have been by my side.  I had to break wall after concrete wall in order to get to an elevated place.  What I learned is recovery comes in different stages.  Healing takes forever and a day even with positive self-talk.  Now I have to push through a new obstacle – one I used to love doing actually – riding a bike.  Before the accident I remembered loving to cycle.  I remembered the feeling of the wind giving me foreplay all over my body with its soft breeze.  I remembered feeling like a madwoman cycling and eating down bridge after bridge like some sort of luxury freedom like a huge accomplishment.

But now I’m scared.  Once again mental preparation becomes my only way through.  Like everything else, I’ve come very far, and baby steps are how I work back to the old or with the new.


Jump Jump!

Jump your heart out!  Jump all the demons about!

Since I’ve been a bit limited on what I can do (upper body wise)..I’ve entered Cardio in the form of Intervals using a jump rope.  This has skyrocketed my heart rate as usual and has brought me back to the state I like to be with when it comes to my beats per minute.  I tend to be anal about this especially if I feel I’m lacking on my endurance and stamina for any reason at all.  No one likes to feel out of shape, gasping for air when they’re performing cardio, even those who are out of shape..( <–those just tend to be more comfortable with the idea).

Last night I broke the record, going from 182bpm to 205 MAX a few days later!  I was quite happy, amused and felt accomplished.  And as my teacher always said in fifth grade “Whenever you do something great or get an answer right don’t forget to pat yourself on the back.  Never ever be afraid or embarrass to pat yourself on the back.”  So I patted.  I wish I remembered this teacher’s name.  I wish he knew that years later I could still think back and thank him for filling my ears with esteem.

I digress. 

Why have I been jumping rope in the first place?  The first reason is due to the fact I’ve been training my Legs quite hard to where it takes me 2-4 days to recover.  So going to the gym to perform steady state cardio for a whole 40 minutes to an hour just seems a bit pointless, not to mention extra pain with all the stretching, contracting and sitting or standing on all types of machines.  To counter this and to up the intensity out of the gym and shorten the duration, I decided to purchase a jump rope for home.

Now this rope has been a charm to an extent, okay!  It’s fantastic in the sense that it revs up your engine and literally can burn up to 1000 calories in a whole hour.  In 15 minutes you can burn 300-500 calories.  All a big dependent on how much work and effort you’re willing to put in.  Probably the best thing with the jump rope is the ability to take it just about anywhere with you.  Just drop it in your bag and go to a park, go into the street or in the lobby of your building and rope the bitch out.  This is perfect!  Not for nothing, you know how resistance bands are awesome for putting in your bag when you’re traveling..well, what can beat a jump rope for extra cardiovascular work?  Nothing!

Not to mention jump rope teaches you how to balance, remain in one steady spot, enhances your agility, endurance, stamina, coordination, timing and rhythm.  And, yes it can be quite fun, especially when you have flashbacks of jumping-rope with the neighborhood kids!  One of the things that makes jump-roping fun is being able to perform many different variations and tricks once you get into the rhythm of the rope dance.  I like to do small lunges, hop side to side, skip jumping forward/backwards, hopping on one foot then switching as if I’m doing a standing calf raise, to jumping jacks (where you’re opening and closing your legs in and out).

Some of my goals with the rope is to be able to perform:  The criss-cross, double and triple jumps.  Also to be in top condition with my rounds being 3 minutes on for jumping and 1 minute for resting and repeating this for 30 minutes straight.  What are we without little simple goals? 😉

The many variations of jumping rope make it fun as hell.  Plus this makes the time go by quick especially when you’re doing 30 second intervals and 30 seconds rest for 15-20 minutes.  I may do 2 sessions of this in a day with a smile on my face because I know that a cardio equipment can’t burn nearly as much as a jump rope (except running…but who wants to run with sore ass glutes and legs? ).

But because in my head I envision myself to be an athlete..a boxer..another MMA champion training for an upcoming title when I’m performing with the rope…why not make a whole game out of it? ..WHEN I CAN….because it makes everything better…because motivation works however one can make it so.  Whatever works for you I always say.  Now here are some awesome videos of some cool ass tricks that are beyond my thought process starting with this guy:

Now take a look at the Jump Rope Championships.  This left my mouth wide open.  How the hell?  What I truly wonder is how many years does it take to practice this and be this FUCKING GOOD?  Not good.  But FUCKING AMAZING!  Note this is a TEAM!  They make it look effortless.  DOH!  I completely admire their amazing ability.  I mean, I can’t even imagine how much dedication and discipline this took?  How many fucking years?

Did you enjoy it? 

So far I notice a few different things with rope jumping.. like how it tends to be hard on the ankles and feet especially if you’re upping the rope turns in full speed.  When beginning to jump rope I do not recommend to do it more than 2 times a week or over 15-20 minutes at a time, unless you’re a runner and have built up the foot and ankle muscles.  Building up these foot muscles tend to take at least 3-4 weeks.

Many people will say it’s easy to jump rope.  But this isn’t so.. for the people who don’t have good timing or have a hard time receiving shock from their ankles and shins.  Sure when you feel the shock, you may or may not feel it at the given moment.  But trust me when I say the very next day you may very well feel it in each of your metatarsals and wonder in the beginning, “What made me decide to jump rope so vigorously?”  O for the love!

Don’t try to be a boxer.  But enjoy the dance of the rope.  Just vibe to it like a jam you love from the youthful childhood days.  Give way!