Since January, being sick on and off and dealing with a strain-like shoulder injury since December has been wearing and clawing at my esteem.   Or is it ego?

Whenever some dilemma comes my way trying to dent my Training or Health for that matter, I get too fucking anxious for my own good!   My peace seems to acquire no sleep.   Seems I start to breakdown and blow rotten egg scents out my ass like stupid exhaust pipes.  Not fucking cool!

The good thing today thus far is I had the honor and privilege of wonderful people coming to my aid giving me advice with warm wishes attached.   I love the positive and joyful things for all.. is not lost.   But I’ am feeling discouraged.   And I know this feeling all too well.   I’ll just do my best not to look it’s way.   It’s not needed and I shouldn’t invite it in.   FML!

Last thought:  I have to make a decision based on this Shoulder.  It seems the typical solution is to visit the doctor..  Hah!..  (That’s becoming a habit every couple of years.  There’s only so much pain you can work through an exercise)..  is to let my shoulder heal, which means no upper body for a month or more.  I’ve gone through this in the past with my elbow and ulna.  I allowed my ego to get in the way of things.  Hehe.  Sharp pains shooting up my pinky, forearm whenever I lifted a weight or tried to arm wrestle.  This prevented me from continually heightening my progress.  So, of course I fear this may happen again.. though I know more about Fitness and the Training Life now.  But emotions, sometimes it’s hard to be in control of every single feeling.  Sometimes it’s hard not to be a human.  I wrestle sometimes with certain demons.

Unfortunately, this shit has me biting my nails. I’m moody as hell. I’m a little depress. Just the thought of not training my upper body is like a crack head out of money, out of drugs and is wondering when and where is it going to get it’s next hit from?



Plays an important part in the Fit Life.

This includes all types of training, whether a swimmer, a marathon runner or weight-lifter. Instincts come in handy for every aspect of anybody’s life, but this is for a different post folks!  There have been uh many of times when my body, my mind and my spirit were telling me to slow the fuck down when it comes to the brink of overtraining or pushing against the injury rate I’ve already assembled.

And did I listen to most of those signals even when they were clear as a hard penis to my face?  No!  And did I slow down my ego when I knew that I would get caught in a nerve pinch performing a Rear Delt exercise?  No!  And when I fucked up my elbow, with pain shooting up the underside of my forearm, did I stop training?  NOPE!  My instincts were telling me I needed to lay off my arm for months.  Eventually I had no choice but to give my arms a rest for 4-6 months.  What discouragement!

A setback during this time was a complete understatement.

Many days, many months, I’ve trained through injury, believing if athletes were doing it and my favorite bodybuilder role-model was doing it, well, it was okay for me to do it too.  Nope!  Uh-uh!  What kind of thinking was this?  The idiot kind probably?  I don’t own conditioning and rehabilitate coaches like the superstar million dollars of the world.  No one pays me to be on the television or to be on billboards.  I’m not on a cover of a magazine or bending over backwards in order to continue to keep my sponsors.

I had to admit to myself:  I’m not an athlete!  But I play one in my head.

A new instinct tells me…

I no longer need to perform endless sets to get to the definition I desire or the pump I live for.  For I have reach one of the ultimate levels that anyone with a Fit Life would hope, wish and desire to obtain.  I’ am officially official with the great mind/body connection I’ve been striving and focusing on for years.  I’m officially official with going mind deep into my fibers.  And boy how hard they contract!  Hours later, days later, the intense tightness feeling, the ball of dense muscle comes to fulfill my being with how much they work together, compact.  I can make any light weight feel heavy and this is without trying and without intensity.

And only someone true to how I’ am with this Lifestyle understands my happiness.  Oh the roads we go down.  Negative to Positive.