How does the night begin without a day? How am I triggered by a sudden charge of energy hysteria that lashes outwards to emotional outbursts? How do I allow myself to relax and let go of the tension headache that disguises itself from holding back the cries?
So there was a story earlier of someone who worked with someone who knew this person. But it didn’t start there and nor does it end here. There was a mother who bore two sons. One came out normal and the other had (what doctors or society identifies as) mental problems. The kid with the mental issues would have trigger attacks and he would break things inside the house claiming he saw evil spirits. Eventually the mother decided to put him in a mental institution when he was 17. He stood there until he was 21.
The doctors told his mother that he’s been progressing and he’s now stabilized. She spoke to her ordinary son about taking him out the institution. He didn’t welcome the idea and said they should wait a while longer. Her mental son came out and it was only a week and things seemed to be better. Than something triggered him and he saw his mother as an evil spirit and bludgeon her to death with a stick. The other son came home to find his mother dead and his brother watching television as if nothing happen because he went back to his normal.
And than I rambled on to someone tonight and it went like this without edit, without grammar, without thought, just here in its full written evidence:
And stories like that make me wonder, stories that repeat itself, nothing is new under the sun, everything repeating, everything seems like an eternity..
And its all decisions, and all choices and what for?
Is there more?
Even if we make all the right choices, during the time they may have seemed right, but later with consequence you find out they weren’t.
And this bothers me. So much bothers me.
Living bothers me. Thinking bothers me.
It’s what I think about that bothers me, not so much the external. But the internal, like these thoughts.
And that dream I had a week or two ago, about life repeating and it’s all about eternity. And how much I panicked and hated it even when I woke up.