Addicted


Performing 200 rep backward lunge to front kicks were ultimate.  I knew my excitement for the challenge wouldn’t disappoint.

Today is the second day of the DOMS and I have to say it feels beautiful.  Sure, I do, have a love/hate relationship for the bountiful soreness that reminds me of the damage I’ve done to my body.  But those are few and far in between.

With every step I take I feel my aura grimace and my subconscious sneer. When I actually take a 40 degree step up or down the staircase I could almost sense and visualize my muscles breaking like splitting hair and tight fibers.

I feel victorious in my battle over a long stretch of a 45 minute leg action session.  No tears.  Just sweat.  Sweat on my neck, my arms and palms.  Just focus.  Some pain.  A little burn.  With each rep I had a mental precision as if I were performing in an auditorium full of elites.  Nothing could deter me.  Nothing!

And this is why I get physical.  Why I train wholeheartedly.  Why I show my body who’s the boss.  I control my mind state!  I structure, develop and sculpt my muscles and my curves!   I enhance all that’s been given to me through genetics.  I’m selfish.  I take everything and I run with this training life!  I live!  I’m strong!  I’m devoted to the feeling of being empowered.

In other words, I’m addicted to myself.

Pennington.

I Know Myself



I know myself well enough to know what my boundaries are within a single moment in which I stand as a human, part flesh, part energy in Mother Nature’s grand land..

Sometimes one has to sacrifice themselves for a greater cause other than their physical being.  Other times like this weekend, one may have to sacrifice their patience, reserved energy and sanity for a friend, for money.

Working for 14 hours and being away from home for 16 hours isn’t a thing that occurs naturally.  Nor would I desire it to.  I, fortunately, don’t work in a field which requires this extreme amount of time out of my precious day.   All for personal reasons.  All because I Know Myself.  However working a double shift as a favor for my friend.  Getting extra cash to make sure I pay my part of the rent with my roommate doesn’t seem to be harmful, now does it?.

But it is for someone like me.

I’m a preferred loner.  A superstar devoted introvert.  An outcast from society’s standards.  A nonconformist with goodwill, good faith and tremendous beliefs.  I’m otherworldly, this I know.  And therefore I’m in a streak of anger because I’ve yet to recharge my energy back to the status that I own and work with at an optimal level well.

At the moment, the sun caresses my face and though it is seemingly beautiful, I find no beauty in it.  Tis’ the life of being an imperfect human.  Losing oneself in emotion.  Being consume quite easily by the dark hands that are always reaching out to cradle your every ounce of vulnerability.  My sanity turn to small bouts and tantrums of insanity and overshadow what happy thoughts I may create.

And this is me.

Pennington