It all happened over a year ago.
I met a very popular guy, a professional personal trainer who looks like a linebacker with detailed beautiful strong and graceful features of a black stallion whom many people worshipped just by being in his presence in and out the gym environment. I remember the first time I officially met him, at the top floor where the big boys and big gals play. Barbells, hammer strength machines and steel dumbbells awaited for my arrival. It was after gym hours where the lights automatically shutdown on a timer and whomever decided to stay had to fend for themselves with a small flashlight from their phone like me.
On that particular night I was out to deadlift, but before I started on my merry training session I saw a new person up there: Tall, dark, muscular, handsome and the thing that stuck out the most was the fact that he’s one of the few men I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting who has a nose piercing. He came up to me and introduced himself as one of the trainers and quickly asked me what I was going to work out on and when I replied he asked if I was an athlete. I told him I was working on it. And I never thought about him again the way he slipped out my mind despite his physical appearance.
Somewhere along the line this changed and before I knew it we worked out every single weekend together for months straight through the cold warming one another with our laughter and conversation delights. I’d wait for him to make his protein/supplement cocktail mix after the workouts, sometimes I’d be in the locker room with him while we chatted and chatted about anything and everything about life way past midnight. Than he would walk me to the bus and wait until I got on giving me the smile of the sun to which I enjoyed immensely. Than one night while on the bus I realized how much he turned me on mentally by the conversations we engaged in and I became hooked. He became my muse and every time we spent quality time I jotted a poem, made quite a few blog entries on here and stalked him around the gym, along with many different things.
I knew he liked me because he spent a lot of time with me when he could as long as others weren’t around to observe us. We flirted but kept things calm and collected. One day I became frustrated at all the time we were spending and was beginning to think he was leading me on and I texted him, “Well are you interested or not?” He shot my heart down with, “Hey, aren’t we friends?” And if I wasn’t getting to the point of obsession then, I definitely was going to obsess until I could get over him because rejection turns me on almost as much as a deep stimulating conversation does.
Suddenly I thought that all the time we shared could have been imaginary, that I have quite possibly could have related to the male sex of hope and delusion. But my gut told me different, the universe in all its coincidences like picking up on his scent right before he would come to the gym to let me know he’s on his way and multiple frequencies kept voicing me the truth, that indeed he’s interested and I just have to sit back and remain patient. Or find it in my heart to get over him?
To be continued..
Here’s the first poem I ever wrote about him dated September 30, 2012. The title will be under the nickname that recently sprung up to mind:
We’re having moments
And I’m pulled by different forces,
And recurring neurosis
A question balloons:
Why do you strike me caring and tender?
Can you get to me without prying?
You stare through me
with eyes of mysterious fire
I melt in a tension of dangerous desire
Your every word is lush and comfort
It’s southern in the city
Roots from the blood
You edge me to taste the optimism from the mud
You want to teach me the ways
Of your spirit
I can feel you there.
I can feel you there.
Motivation comes in various forms.
I’m going to share one of mine with you’s that happens during my free-for-all ovulation mode, which captures my salacious thoughts and uncanny desires.
Before I go on I want to mention, you must at least be eighteen years of age or at the very least be of a responsible mind for the explicit material (if you consider them to be) you’re about to read. Many who follow and read my blog already know I write exactly what’s on my mind or what life experience has brought to my attention and this is based on my biased perception of the world. Without further ado, either click away or enjoy please.
It was a semi-cloudy day off in the busy streets with the New York City breeze sliding its carefree attitude into my straight hair. I strolled to the gym visualizing exactly which two Cardio machines I’m going to split my time on although deep down inside I was low on Cardio inspiration. Fast forward my barcode gets scanned and I thought to look pass the male receptionist where I saw the hunk of a Personal Trainer Rock who I’ve always had a mammoth crush on.
Quickly he jumped out his seat both gentlemanly and nervous walking up to me tripping over his tongue with a heavy Spanish accent, “Hi, how are you doing?” And in between his glowing pecan-rican complexion and sensational authentic smile the universe turned on the engine in the middle of my sex chakra.
I thought almost out loud and caught myself with the words, he needs to stop teasing me with his flirtatiousness as I’m going to drop my clothes and have sex with him in front of all the gym members so they can take a lesson or two in sex fitness.
All of a sudden the motivation I was lacking was found. The sexual charge became the intense fuel I needed for the Rower and Stationary Bike. But mind you, I never made it to the Bike. I happily stood on the Rower machine for over forty minutes with heart-pounding cardio sex electrifying my head.
I closed my eyes and rolled them back slowly and listened to the sensuality of Sade: Show me how deep love can be. The instruments within the song seeped into my aspiring soul and I clenched onto the plastic bar pulling towards the bottom of my bulging breasts as I deeply fantasized on exerting force to match his muscular hard pecs.
We’d embrace like titanic lovers and swallow the glands of one another. Our skin would vomit sweat and we’d slip and slide in multiple active positions. The grinding would complete mine into synergy. During this time I called out to the universe and all its frequencies for Personal Trainer Rock to sense the lovemaking creation I was embarking.
I tensed my entire body in a collective kegel and chanted: I want him to feel me. I want him to feel me. I want him to feel me buck from incomprehensible pleasure. I want him to feel me right on his cock, exploding, shivering, and full of moisture, rhythm and reason. I want him to fuck out all the cum I have in this body of mine, in which he would ask me if this was indeed the kind of training I needed.
Time was up said all the energy I gave to the Rower. The back of my neck was slapped with an ounce of rower sex sweat and my calluses formed into blood moon pearls of irritation, perspiring like bubbling fire and like cold sores no matter what season of the year. I shook off my lustful anger with the inhalations and exhalations of cardio sex I entertained and when I turned around, guess who has been watching me sitting out and chilling on the massage table smiling?
The universe is good and motivation comes in different forms. Get some! 😉
The number one thing I hate about being a personal trainer is “Motivating People.” It’s hard and frustrating like procrastinating on procrastinating.
And everyone needs motivation, whether they need more of it, need it for the day, need it for a split second to boost their egos, shine through their jobs or make it through Life just another day. Whatever the case is, never forget that this also includes motivation for other Personal Trainers. Some trainers may have you believe they have the Magic Motivation Potion at all times. But they’re full of shit. Yes, they’re human too. And if you scope the gym properly you will see that OH, YES! –> Trainers train other Trainers. And they should. For the simple fact remains that you never know what you can learn from others.
Does anyone even realize how hard it is to motivate people in general?
I’m not sure if they do. If you’re selling an item like something that sells itself, say Cars? Then is it selling when it basically sells itself? Do you need to fully commit and try super hard to convince people why this/that particular car is so lovely? There are many folks out there who don’t know anything about the tiny details of a car, say, 4 cylinders as oppose to 12 and what the hell is Front Wheel, Rear Wheel or All Wheel Drive. So, No! This doesn’t count. Cars sell themselves. (Or rather the eyes are deceived quite easily? Ears too.) Things like necessities are another thing that sells itself. It’s actually, worse, don’t you think? Necessities..boy how we all NEED things.
Sometimes people say Motivation comes down to Presentation. This is tough, depending on who your audience is, how you are as a person, how interconnected you are towards the situation., etc. You have to learn how to build great rapport, stand and own your ground, all the while relating to this person you’re about to train with. I mean, “Why should they believe in you?” You have to live up to be an example and live up to be the hype or bullshit you’re speaking about, in order to fully motivate folks. And what about the folks who just HATE working out? That just the thought alone not only freaks them out but they start imagining hives coming out of their fucking pores!
How hard is it to motivate your kids to do something (if you’re a parent)? How hard is it to compromise and find balance in in your relationships? How hard is it to get out of an old habit when you’re working on the new you? How hard is it to start something new? How hard is it to keep the consistency flowing? To keep a positive attitude? To always find and believe in a Way? To have faith in yourself? To maintain the spirit of curiosity? To only seek approval from elders and also by trusting within? To be able to stay open and allow influence from the many internals/externals of life to challenge your pattern of thinking?
You need tactics. These tactics need to be fail-proof (almost). You must rely on everything. Find and Decide What works. Then go for it! Some are driven by fear. Like feeling self-conscious appearing old, having sagging triceps or sporting a big pot belly. Others run by desire: “I want to feel good by looking good!” Revenge: ” Wait til they see me now!” Others are propelled by results. Others get off by the action day in and day out of non-stop discipline.
Believe it or not there are some reasons and beliefs you (can) learn to fall/adopt and be in love with. Like: “I love being healthy. I love feeling strong.” Some reasons you may never truly fall in love with. Like: “I have to eat smaller portions. Cut out soda. What the hell?” Then, this is where sacrifice would come into the mind of your pro’s and con’s. Of course, there are going to be some lessons you have to learn over and over and over again. And then, you have to know how to get back on the wagon when you have lost sight of your wagon..you know.. when you’re losing that battle of Will.
How do you motivate people to drop a few grand on you just SO you can help them get in shape and keep them healthy?
There’s a million things people want to do out in the world. And we still have the majority of people not waking up and saying, “Oh I have to get my workout in.” Nope! If this were true, then we wouldn’t have such an outstanding level of obesity out in the world right now, would we? Most normal, average folks prefer going to the movies, hanging out with friends, masturbating, clubbing, looking for intercourse, consume loads of television, video games, drugging themselves, rather spend time with their relatives, put the kids first, study for school or drain their energy from working long hours at the office.
There’s a lot of people who are just not interested in their health. Not interested in knowing their Body Mass Index, body fat or bodyweight. I’m not kidding! Do you know how many people are frighten just to get on a scale? So imagine, how many folks avoid and skip their Doctor and Physical altogether? They rather walk in ignorance, rather than learn if they could prevent that blood clot that’s about to put them six feet under. So why would these same types of people ever decide to go to the gym? Why would they ever enjoy lifting weights? Why would they want to perform cardio? Why eat nutritious foods? Why?
Well, there are lots of reasons. Too many fucking reasons ACCORDING to the WORLD. And well, they need YOU or me to figure out those reasons. Surely, they can get someone to help them find those reasons. They would need someone to motivate them to solidify those reasons and make them priority. Sometimes it takes someone to bring it out of you/them. Sometimes people just need someone to hold them accountable, someone to guide them and answer their questions. Oh, but what about if they never ask for help, eh?
How do you motivate someone who doesn’t even want to help themselves? Well, some people say you have to be a psychiatrist.
So, what do you think.. is it hard to motivate people to do anything, (even if doesn’t include a Fit and Healthy Lifestyle)?
I think it is.
There has never been a role model needed or called for in my life. Sometimes I feel it’s unfortunate. However it has it’s up sides as it has it’s downs.
I don’t look up to anyone other than myself, when it comes to the Training Life, not only because (due to my high standards, determination, passion, morals and rarity) I’m comfortable in my own skin. But because I’ve found no matter if a person is of either gender, works harder, shows better dedication, takes the Fit Life more serious than me at any given moment, are a Personal Trainer, Mixed Martial Artist or grand celebrity/athlete they tend to let me down in one way or another. Whether they allowed success or their extreme personality colors to shine too late, dive into an enormous amount of drugs/steroids/alcohol or have lied consistently or have in many regards cheated the system all the while turning the other cheek and selling out, I choose not to acknowledge the idiots of ill-norm bred society.
I can’t count the many times I’ve been let down by people in general. I know this is Life. But it still fucking SUCKS! I used to look up to Chyna! There was no one like her in the world to me. She had all the muscle, mental toughness, a tenacious domination aura with a no holds bar intimidation factor. She wrestled with men, won the Intercontinental Championship, was the only female to get in the Royal Rumble due to her strong will and fearless determination. I adored her when she started out as a Bodyguard on WWE. I adored her before she slimmed down. I adored her before she got plastic surgery to look more feminine. I even supported her when she posed in Playboy twice (though I didn’t agree with the decision at first..maybe, ever?). I watched the 1st season of Celebrity Rehab for Chyna. I was and am still very loyal to Chyna, thought I don’t know her personally (yet ;)). And in the end, it seems as if, she was just as fragile as most people in the world. Nothing wrong with this, except I didn’t think she would fall so high from the burly ninth wonder tower from which she stood.
I was looking for role models in the Bodybuilding/Figure World at one point…
I first came on board to the Fitness Life once I started working for a gym. (Before that I was working out for a little while, learning trials and errors.) Mostly, in hopes, of meeting Bodybuilders and Figure Competitors. And, far and few in between, whenever I saw one I would ask for tips on training or nutrition from the people I thought had it all, striations, the grainy appearance on their muscles, being a lean-mean-fat-burning machine! I would admire the few male/female Figure/Bodybuilders I’ve seen in New York.
I would compliment them on their discipline and physique. Some would take it well. Maybe 1 out of 5 would remain in the stage of being humble, forever devoted to fans and such. Some appreciated the fact that I knew, love and desired to learn more about the sport. Some were stuck-up bitches (and pricks!) that firmly believed they owned each step they walked on Earth!! Others thought that since I was being open and honest about admiring the Bodybuilders/Figure physiques, that, somewhere deep inside I must be a Lesbian.
During this time I notice quite quickly that most of these folks weren’t trying, weren’t open and didn’t give a fuck to be a role model to me or any other young person that came along. I’d established this at exactly the time I would ask most Bodybuilders questions to which they wouldn’t give me the time or day to answer: about wrist-wrapping, what’s the easiest way to perform a chin-up on your own, what do I have to do to be muscular, was low reps/heavy weight the answer, what would it take to be striated, lean, be a fucking work of art, a fucking machine, what supplements should I take, is it true women have a greater hassle trying to lose weight and gain muscle? Pretty much, almost every single one of them shut me down!
For wasting their time!? For not paying for their time!? For not making an appointment for a fitness assessment!? For them not wanting to help period!? You know greedy fucks!
This in itself led me more than ever to being my own role-model and my own trainer full-time. I would set out to acquire my own techniques to build muscles, read up on whatever I could get my hands on, test everything, work with different trainers and gain new ground and perspective, wellness and health. This taught me a valuable lesson: In the end I’ am all I have. I’ am all alone.
I’ll say this.. in the present and future, people will ask me for my help (people have already) and some people will even be where I once was… But the difference with me is, though I may not agree with (humanity at all times), with what he said/she said, what the bible says, what the magazine states, what society breeds and though I may not personally like the person I’m helping, I’ll assist them because I know its tough!!
I will lead them to find a way and tell them there are multiple ways to get to your goals. And there are always going to be hurdles along the way testing your will to make you doubt yourself just to see if it’s what you desire so much. I’ll take them on if they’re serious (and by serious) I don’t mean they have to pay me in order for them to receive valuable and vital information THAT I busted my ass to research, than try on myself as the guinea pig! All I expect from those who ask me now (and in the future as I get better) is for them to take the journey of training and health serious.
For them to be humble and gracious.. for them to be thankful, and intuitive.. for them to realize how important it is to learn self-control, to give way to self-discipline, to rely on yourself through the positive and darkest times, to conquer their fears, to be an individual, to be ahead of the game with their heart and eye on the prize. To understand thoroughly, that the Training Life, working for your Ultimate Physique isn’t only special because you can flaunt your body when the time comes (if one chooses), but it’s special because it’s an extension of identifying yourself, the good and all the ugly..working out the kinks by spiritual means.. It’s all about the fill of potential one offers.. But it’s a Lifestyle, a hand in marriage, a full life long commitment.
A lifestyle of serious business..
Learning to love yourself, while being your own role-model.