Tag Archives: Philosophy



I let my nails grow.
I paint them with the pixie dust that fall from the fairies in my backyard.
I want to speak, but I learned a few things.
If I’m silent like a mouse, my hearing becomes sharper
And I’ll learn better than the mouth who hunts
all at once.

I let my grays grow.
I allow them their passage within my black strands like ornamental streamers
For they retell the wisdom that teaches how darkness beds with the light.
Do you like absence?
It’s where we find ourselves, stark and naked
built like the sacred nature of trees.

The world is beautiful,
but they didn’t tell you this because they wanted to ruin it for you too.
The black magic of which we fight against.
A mashed-up world of thoughts and identities hide in the crisis
Of the bloodstream from all the things you were told, you believed you were not.

How can I tell you the world is beautiful?
We learn to appreciate it late.  The wind, water, the rocks,
And the soil are boundless in a way where we can’t measure on earth
’til we leave this place.  But, until then, let’s love the world today.


People Bullsh*t!

I have to vent!

There’s a lot I don’t like about humans and people as a whole.  Like their greed, selfishness, insecurities, weakness, blame game, dishonesty, justification, belief systems and utter endless bullshit.

Here’s a scenario:  I’m sitting down with two of my coworkers (Y and C) who I both truly adore when they aren’t being catty, jealous or judging others (including myself).  We are having a pleasant time spilling our happiness into Screwdrivers and Sex on the Beach drinks taking the night in supporting one of their boyfriend’s live Rock Band gigs when this coworker Y starts venting to us about another coworker (who thankfully wasn’t with us at the time and who I really like despite her reputation of being an airhead).  What gets me exactly is she doesn’t grasp the real point of what she should be making underneath it all.

Her blurts are simple.  So simple she can’t see the truth behind it.  She says, “This gal J is always late for work.  I don’t understand why.  Then when she comes into work she says she’s tired.  But what is she tired of?  What could this young twenty-something year old girl be tired of?  When her own mothers watches her son when she’s at work.  So what does she do when she’s not at work?  I’m sure nothing.”

Rather than Y say, “I’m jealous because I have two jobs because I want to be a supermom and allow all my three children and a grandson to take full advantage of me until I die.  I’m envious because she can actually have downtime and do whatever she wants rather than take some responsibility for coming into work late” she rather mention the above.

And I can’t respect people with their character being all out of, well, character.  It’s not J’s fault that she doesn’t need to work two full-time jobs and have zero days off.  It’s also awesome that she didn’t choose to pop out three children who will suck her nipples until they fall off for dear life leaving her body frigid, bitter and cold.  So who’s the smarter one?  I only hear one of them talking about the other.

Scenario two:  My friend gets into a car accident for lord knows probably the tenth time and chooses to pity himself a pyramid of sudden death to a material attachment.  Yet he wants me to get in on the pity party.

But why?  When one:  You only need one person to pity?  Yourself!  Two:  Why empathize if evidently he drives carelessly with complete zero fucks given?  Third:  Why hasn’t he learn the lesson of giving EXTRA fucks when being behind the wheel (because fuck the car that just got trashed by your own doing!) but because you refuse to appreciate your life to begin with?

But placing the blame outside himself has always been the name of his game because it wasn’t his fault.  I like to believe being honest however is a much better claim to being in control of your own life.  I’m afraid people think the opposite.

Scenario three:  FUCK THIS!  You get the point!


Happy Chatter

“LOGIC trumps the heart.” -N.V.A.

I’m happy that I’m the kind of person who prefers to think.  I take Life sober.  I’m happy I’m not contained within a box ruled by each and every desire like an evil man who can’t separate between fact or fiction or want and need.  I’m happy I’m also the kind of person who has a knack for people and their behaviors on what makes them tic and what simply doesn’t.

Let alone how their views change of the world itself even when their world is motionless.  Here, here:  Cheat with the one who cheated on you.  You’ve adjusted your mind and altered your justifications of greed about monogamy as long as your wife doesn’t find out.  I’m happy I clue in instantly instinctively.

As humans, we want a bit of confirmation for the truth that freezes us in time and utter thought.  Yearning for confirmation however can be a terrible thing to honor in this meaninglessness existence we call Life by which we are slaves to what we say or what another person feels.  Cause and effect and so on are dangerous little bits looking for their part in their methods of a way to survive.

I’m pretty happy how I’m getting closer to the point where I’ll be completely free from the chains of a nine year history.  I’m happy I’m an individual to be able to clarify the obvious:   To become aware of the fact that when something isn’t working, it isn’t a matter of weighty will or even about executing precise action.  But of constructing a never-ending plan full of alternatives and priorities.. not of temperamental promises or the ever-changing compromises of a circumstantial reaction.

“Follow your mind, not your heart” in this is where I thrive in my happiness of chatter.


Training Life: So In Love!

What I love about the Training Life is being able to control what I do when I do and how I do it. I have no problem putting in the physical work. (The nutrition work and finding what works with my body’s chemistry is something I’m still practicing on.)  However when I fail, I know it was because of me. When I win, it’s because I did it all the same.

I think it’s safe to say that at times it’s a love and hate relationship. I believe it all depends on your passion and perspective. I don’t expect life and it’s golden glory to come to me in rose-colored glasses. But I play the game with the wisdom I own through my upbringing, values, principles, work ethics, philosophy, discipline, faith, character and training. Every time I train, I’m hardened and at full recovery at all times.

I never stop believing in myself or what and how I can do for myself. It’s all a mental game. A game brimming of mental individuality and of mental independence. You stand alone. You keep faith. You hold on. And I do. Through the good, bad, fucked up and ugly. As long as I work, no matter how big or minimal the pivotal points of my life may become I know the only way I can and will go is forward with whatever my heart, soul, spirit and mind is set on..

Speaking of which, what I really love is when I touch/poke/feel my body and I can sense the curves. A flashback shoots in my mental rolodex, of the pain, sweat, agony, burn, anxiety, anger, loathe and sick punishment I put myself through to twitch all these slow, medium and fast fibers. It’s human sculpture at it’s best. It’s acquiring your character to be: Chiseled. If I sit a certain way or stand, the curves of my muscles flex and I can visualize everything much more clearly. It sets me back to focus. The desire, compels and consumes me under my fat and the hard work I put forth is slowly coming through.

And this makes me so in love.


Because Through The Bullshit It Still Rings True!

So I shit on him and talk negatively about our situation regularly.  I don’t mention all the details.  Not to say that I’m wrong and he’s right or that I may not be overreacting during the time my Little Red Riding Hood friend of the month appears.  But no one can know the whole truth without living in my shoes.  No one can know all the details because than my blog will be non-stop like the slop you left openly in the toilet after last night’s burrito came out your ass with peppery fire and a slight tear full of promise that:  “I will never eat this again!”

But then what you do?

I don’t leave much privacy for him or me.  Although I don’t flat go about giving our home addresses and how you can go about meeting us for more intimate or not-so-intimate details of our Life.  All in all what the card says rings true when it comes to him (despite my grudges, ongoing hatred and shoot in the foot shotgun resentment).  Eight years of being with one partner (no matter how on and off) can do wonders for your sex life or take away from it (from time to time).

There are things you never knew existed sexually.  Or even what it was like making love under a moonlight, feeling closer to heaven while for the first time in your Life experience(d) what it was actually like to have Meaningful Sex with someone you adore and cherish deeply.  I thought it didn’t exist!  *bangs head hard on wall*  There are things one wouldn’t care for BUT suddenly do!  Like getting your salad tossed and getting fingered and your clitoris massaged at the same time because nothing says I love you better than multiple orgasms! Then there are things you become aware of.. like if you two depart, well, good fucking luck finding this “service and decor” you had in your new partner.



The Theme Of Last Year: People Are Liars

Don’t Trust Anyone.

Obviously, some people let this little fact go pass their noses everyday like something that’s not even remotely contagious.  But, unfortunately it is contagious.  Blindly or foolishly or history trusting people wholeheartedly isn’t in anyone’s best interest.  Most people can’t even trust themselves, so why must one trust in another?  Everywhere I turn I try to attempt a play at trusting people, I try to let my guard down, get out of my shell for a moment or two to bring new people into my Life

I did this last year.  And they all failed.

Part of me (always) wants to give people the “benefit of doubt,” overlooking the fabulous judge of character I am, slowly pushing my intuition to the side, trying to hover in lowering my standards in order to allow people into my prestigious world.  I’m a very cynical person, therefore my perception of everyone is:  Purely Cynical (at first, until proven different).

The best ways of observing human behavior I find is by going to the basics, Animals.  Then one can move on to the next best place, which so happens to be School and Work.  People watching is quite amazing as well, somewhere totally busy like Rush Hour, Peak Gym Hours and Times Square.  Boatfuls of humans will display their body language, their actions, their grimaces behind every other person’s back.  They do it right in front of the whole world.  I guarantee just by people watching you WILL see how fucked up a lot of folks are.  I do not deny how shitty to the bottomless core people are.  Some people tend to mask it very well.

Last year work has taught me that a Co-worker is only a Co-worker.  Co-workers are never friends, even if they start out that way initially.  These folks tend to prove my theory correct:  People who hold the most Shame, Guilt and Remorse are quick to flip the script and betray you for their own gain, which most of the time will concern the grips of their consciousness.  Do they wish to sleep peacefully at night?  Why, why wouldn’t they?

In turn, at work I dealt with all types of conniving people.  Maybe the gym industry breeds these types of people due to the dishonesty of the commercialized system itself?  These people all have glorious egos, were some of the greatest manipulators known to man, even the 19 year old with the innocent face and failing Life was interestingly cheeky and almost had me going there for a second.

The General Manager who tried to play the Guilt Card on each and every single one of his fellow employees and threw the word Loyalty around as if it truly existed, let alone within the company itself was just another gimmick.  A Personal Trainer who I thought was another friend of mine lied so much through her teeth I’m surprised her mouth didn’t decay as a whole when she spoke.  These few co-workers couldn’t have imagine my remarkable persuasion on such an interpersonal level that indeed these people were rid from the company altogether.

I was the Positive Angel of Death naturally doing the right thing.
All evidence speaks louder than words.

A man I spoke to for 7 years over email and other forms of messaging, was indeed two-faced from his actions/stories to how he wrote.  When I pointed this out to him, his many years of living Life (over 60 years of age), I would think he be up to par on receiving constructive criticism well.  He never took the time to teach himself such a humble and hearty lesson as Constructive Criticism during his lifetime?  Is it not a wonder that he’s married twice thus far?

And I, of course, spoke and regarded him with respect during the time.  Until he decided to avoid me at all cost, making excuses up.  When all he had to do is express himself openly to me and give me the same courtesy and respect I’ve given to him time and time again.  But people never work the same way you do.  So when views and beliefs were exchanged heavily I guess everything had to changed on his behalf.

Life has taught me again people will betray you because your views differ from theirs.  It’s usually your Truth versus their Truth.  But why does truth get misconstrue with opinions by others?  I don’t buy the shit of your Truth Vs. my Truth.  Not from a hole in the wall.  Never take what people say at face value.  I’ve learned that people contain their flaws with the sole purpose to keep them as tokens for perfect secrets.

Quite fascinating how people rather die in their own lies of truth.