Tag Archives: power

Accommodating Self (Part 2)


BB fitness
The best decision I made was breaking up with the gym.

I did a ton of reflecting.  In general I have no problem working out at home, but I just never knew I’d feel more comfortable working out at home around the clock as much as I do.  Training at home has allowed me to take the pressure off mentally as I can’t compare myself against who I used to be.. way back when.  Aside from less self-demands I can’t ego lift at home like I can ego-lift at the gym.  It does suck I can’t feed off people’s energy in the gym, but the focus is deep having to feed off my own energy.  It’s been about 4 months since I’ve been strength-training at home and I must say it’s been beneficial for me mentally, emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually.

Here are a few reasons why I enjoy training at home nowadays aside from the little I just mentioned:  I can be myself.   I don’t have to smile, be polite, and pretend I’m in a good mood or have small conversation when I don’t want to.  I can workout whenever I want without time restraints or gym holidays getting in the way.  I can focus 110% on my form, on my breathing and zero in on the way I feel mentally or emotionally.   I have to push myself differently and get extra creative making home workout programs so they are super effective and exhausting because that’s what I enjoy.

Also I don’t have to feel uncomfortable or awkward trying to hide my extra fat in huge hoodies and sweat pants.  I can rock a spaghetti-strap tank top and spandex and I wouldn’t secretly judge myself in front of others and make the awkwardness awkward and obvious to those who may or may not judge me at the gym.  (Judgement-free zone only happens at home and not at Planet Fitness.)  I don’t have an aversion at home, but I do have one outside – where I secretly believe people can tell if I previously hurt my ankle or not.  (Yes, it’s mental.)  Also I don’t have to spend over $112.00 on Metro Card money to travel to the gym and back home.

Then there’s the other obvious like I don’t have to wait for machines during peak time.   I compete with myself, build my confidence and track record rather than pressure myself to compete with the person I used to be in the gym while being at the gym.   On a really good note, with at-home workouts, I can do laundry at the same time I train.  And as an introvert – I do enjoy my time alone.

New inspiration?  Now over the past month and a half I’ve been newly inspired by Ballet Beautiful.  I owe it to BB for re-motivating me again.  I can do any of their workouts at home and spread it out among the day (on top of my weight training) for minutes at a time multiple times a day and night.  The exercises, technique and workouts themselves are extremely challenging and work very well!  Ballet Beautiful approach comes off more about quality than quantity and the workouts itself are about strength, power, flexibility, balance, technique and grace in a totally different way.

BBStrengthI absolutely swear by Ballet Beautiful and I haven’t been doing it very long at all.  In the past I’ve written about how I enjoy the extremes of both bodybuilding and ballet as I find them both to be very similar in terms of disciplinary action, strength, beauty, aestheticism, athleticism and art.  I love them both.  And I feel like I want to embrace them both and see where they lead me to.  For the good month of August I fell in love with Ballet Beautiful for countless reasons aside from what I perceive ballet to be – graceful.  One reason why I love Ballet Beautiful is because of the minimalist style.  Two is because the exercises and stretches involved are complex, detailed and difficult.  Third reason is BB has increased my motivation by 100%!

All this time, I was searching for something.  Strangely – and out the blue – I fell in some kind of dear love for Ballet that started around 2009.  But, I didn’t know something totally different from weightlifting would give me the “wow” factor and innovative inspiration I needed.  In ballet, there’s a quiet and classical tone set, as well as an elegant breathtaking history, same as Bodybuilding for me.  There’s art, power, focus and balance in every single ballet movement which I find irresistible.

Of course, a few times a week I will continue to devote time and effort to strength-training, but it was Ballet Beautiful that took me to another place mentally, emotionally and physically.  It’s because I can start fresh and it’s because I’m not bound to the past decade and associations of weightlifting.  Recently I started to realize how my training has been changing in ways I’m not fully understanding yet.  It seems weightlifting doesn’t have the same flavor for me – maybe because I associate the past decade with weightlifting?

I’m a new person now.
And I want my training to reflect this as well.

BBQuickTip-ReEnvision-final-revHere’s what I know now:  I have a new vision for my body.  I don’t want my old body back because I don’t go backwards.  I want a more symmetrical and streamlined look.  I want to be more refined.  I want to be less soft.  I want to be less bulky.  I want less of the comfort I’ve had with my body in the past.  I want new strengths.  I want new exercises.  I want new challenges.  I want new posture.  I want new everything!

I will continue to focus on smaller muscles because all the bigger muscles on my body are well-developed.  I will continue to work on the tiny details in every single muscle.  I will continue to use my first love – dumbbells and barbells no more than twice a week and no less than one.  Weightlifting will always have a home in my heart, but what I want now and what motivates me now is vastly different.  I’m going to enjoy shifting.

And who knows what it might bring?

P.S.

One of my current goals is to go to the gym twice a week for extra cardio purposes.  I have an initial 30lbs to lose.  I’ve already dropped 7lbs in 2 weeks.  It’s game on.

-Pennington

Pacify


image

I’m so comfortable.
I want to give myself away
To you. I want to take
My clothes off and my skin
And give myself away.
You have an allure
That sets me free.
You have a power
That makes me want to
Drop my hands at my side.
And even if I could
Explain it — I can’t.
It’s like something unforgettable
In childhood. Or something
Joyful when one gapeseeds nature.
It’s like when you take
An apple and cut it into
Slices and offer me to eat
It with all the love in
The world. It’s you, it’s
How you give yourself to me
That allows me to give
Myself away to you.

– Pennington

Qualm


I showered one night and lathered up in the unchanged way I always do, half grudgingly and the other with methodical certainty from bulky arms, to bursting bosoms, to pooch belly, to smooth waist, to entity vagina, to voluptuous thighs until I came across my calve, a steel rock of will and sheer determination.

This became the day I questioned every exhausting set of every draining rep of cruel years spent on sculpting, limping and wincing through the Charlie Horses that arrived to visit me in the tragedy of over stimulating nights to walk every line to put every ounce of life in training to win every fight.

So why did I pull away abruptly?  Why did I fall back on my training approach? How could I fear exactly what I’ve desired the most?  Diamonds that would climb the circumference of a quad and cut as appealing and wicked as ice. Polished for the world to know how I strong I am by how much pain and anguish bore within this delightful body of mine.

I’m reminded of how I want to grow into where my mind and my heart and my spirit of power will take me.  I want to cast out all the words, shocked faces and expressions to ill me of what I accomplish and of who I am.  I look to you, a statue of greatness, a shrine of eternal internal faith and a sudden shift in the atmosphere of the subconscious.

-Pennington©

Home



I can’t get started.

Your home is peaceful.  The colors on the walls are earthly, copper, brown, beige, and neutral with personal tones.

I want to believe the elephants and dancer figurines, the artifacts, all the photos in all the frames and all the shrines that take its place are a fraction of your personality.

I don’t even know how to talk to you.

It’s odd this life, being on the opposites and contrasts roads from young to mature.  Strange that if I want to tell you how to live your time how do I trek about it?  You were my adult when I was a child and to be your adult when you’re the child is unanticipated as the moon turning from blue to bleeding orange.  It comes marching and blunt like wind.  Questions whirl.  Responsibility flies overhead and it hangs above like a waving broken handle, barely any verve.  And why would I want this power?

There are many things I wish to learn but am I bold enough to ask during a time when we eat dinner, drink wine and speak of life insurance and I having to direct life-altering decisions that will affect everyone else around and me until my demise.

Will there be a burial?  Will we cut a day because of the expense or force the hand of cremation?  And how many of the relatives will go in the grave this year?

-Pennington

Cunt


Dedicated to the Gym Haters

Strike a match around my presence, to see if I will burn underneath?
Lady, I bear an ego high as the Gods, for matters to harsh just to say it was all for play and keeps.

I found and nourished an engine in my gut, a generator so fierce it’s energized from the will of my feet.
I power like a race horse, until I comb the depths of my glorious sweets.

Your stomach is flimsy, full of aerobic steadiness.  Your air, an immature convict of non-readiness, leave everything to me because I’m better at this!  How?
I, a bigger growl than your facial scowl
One that prowls on your every foul…
Dare quick to compete with a stranger by odds.
See, I’ll roughshod alone with one quad and watch you snap pea hopeless in the center of your  pod,
Mentally scar the lard your genetics guard.

I overlook the talents to your flexibility
of your huffs and puff of inflexibility.
I sigh a silent blah in the gym’s vicinity, but not out of bigotry.
I fly a high road, never try me because I barrel
the bold world of pot and golds.
I’m a rarity,
an epitome of passion so true it’s either joy or a given right to enjoy such a thing quite selfishly.

After all, my anaerobic swipes off the cellulite you still own,
You don’t like me because your cover’s blown.
Darling, I hike on the treadmills of your brain until you have no choice to fold.

Pennington