On and off,
We shared the same place
We laughed, cried,
But we knew how to
Put on the same face
And when I left,
Years later you said,
“While you were away I felt abandoned.”
I said I was looking for independence
And that’s when I knew
Things weren’t how I imagined.
We saw the world differently
Because the one who survives
Is the last one left standing.
You were always chasing the sun.
And the things we never had.
Where I was the one chasing the gun,
And all the things that were terribly sad.
I preached meaninglessness.
And the importance of chasing
Poetry and pain; it was here when
I thought we had the same face.
You said, “Come back. I can’t do it all on my own.”
But this is how you grow strong bones.
Besides, I’ve been doing it alone for years.
And there you stood on oath,
Until you upped and disappeared
Like a ghost that haunts me still.
Do you ever look back?
The title borrowed from one of my favorite singers. Their song entitled “How To Disappear.” What can I say if it spoke to me?
The days speed.
I drop into time and I can feel the immediacy of eternity.
How many times have I been on the same ride? How many times have I been on this highway and saw the same lights? It’s like the world has a record on queue and things don’t shine the way they used to. I asked the sun to come out mother, but she’s gone, like you. Her rays aren’t the same. The only thing she sends out these days is a haze that makes everyone in the world sick and drained.
Everyone I know is deficient of Vitamin D yet everyone talks about the myth of protein shortage. I used to wonder about the setting, about what’s important. But now I don’t because everything’s distorted. What was an apple then becoming an orange the day after? What is it that really matters? And what are they spraying in our skies? Who are the ones that take care of the bad guys when it’s only the bad guys who wins the prize?
No one’s protected on Mother Earth, mother. And this isn’t to confuse my faith in God, but those who govern. I interrogate our air, wind, water and gravity. What’s the strategy? There’s an invisible war. Do I know which side to fight for? There’s a toll bearing down on our fortunate souls. I know people are cold with their corpulent goals. Can you feel the stain of karma? Can you feel the wane of your timer?
Time’s revealing everything from the assembly line to the enigmatical rind.
I’ve been trying to get out.
I’ve been trying to unearth the right time.
I’ve been talking to dead fish by the river.
I’ve been talking to the celestial body, reigning orb of night.
I’ve been trading places with shadows.
I’ve been in hiding.
I’ve been throwing things out.
I’ve been investigating my patience.
I’ve been talking to ducks by the Brooklyn bridge.
I’ve been talking to the brightest star, singeing god of land.
I’ve been trading in shades of light.
I’ve been in hiding.
“Perhaps the only difference between me and other people is that I’ve always demanded more from the sunset. More spectacular colors when the sun hit the horizon. That’s perhaps my only sin.”
-Nymphomaniac Vol 1