I need you to be above.
Like I know you to be.
I want you to fit like a glove.
In the way you say I need.
I require you keep alert.
And be objective.
You can go first.
I don’t mind being second sometimes.
You can take a side,
As long as it isn’t subjective.
Go the distance,
Even when it’s most difficult.
Stay on the up and up.
Who desires to be miserable?
Please don’t fail me now.
I’m holding onto your different,
And your difference.
I’m giving myself – almost at – full imminence,
In the name of new innocence.
You have been the constant light
In my consuming darkness.
The only friend in my life
Who remained honest.
You were (and still are) the love
When I didn’t have any.
When I was down and heavy
Because life was off and plenty
You became the bandages
That kissed my wounds away.
I speak the only way I know how – from the heart.
I’ll never forget how you left me solid cold at one of the hardest times of my life. I’ll never forget how you made everything about you when I was the one suffering from a broken ankle with no income and wondering where I was going to live. I’ll never forget how all those rare moments you sat by my side like when my mother died and you were just a body, never really there – on your phone all day disrespecting us at her wake. You were just a body, and so was I. I was your masturbation device for years, but we did start with love once upon a time – and this is still up for debate.
I’ll never forget the time when life brought to my attention how heartless you were – waiting at the clinic with me to have an abortion. And all you complained about was lack of sleep, yet I was faced with the decision of having a gargantuan life force taken out of me. And when we went back to my house, there was no mention of how I felt from what I had to do for the second time in my life. The truth is: You went right to sleep as if nothing happened because it didn’t happen to you. I’ll never forget about the first abortion either because you weren’t there when you could have taken the day off work to be with me. The truth again: You didn’t want to be there, and this was evident by the second experience. I’ll never forget how you made all my problems into something that was never yours to support or deal with.
Thank you for showing me how love was never meant to feel. Thank you for never being my rock and for never taking on anything you didn’t want to handle – at least this last part you were honest about. Thank you for letting me know that sex was the thing that kept you going and that you didn’t mind taking over and over again. Thank you for never protecting me in the ways I should have been. Thank you for never treating me like royalty. Thank you for your unnecessary amounts of selfishness. Thank you for showing me when it was time to walk out. Without this – I would’ve kept thinking this kind of love was normal, but it wasn’t love, and this behavior wasn’t normal in itself. Thank you. I’m at a better place now and in the care of a profound love.