Old Entry: Don’t Let Me Get Me

I’m not sure what possessed me to dig into the archives of Pennington_Hall over on Xanga land during the years 2006-2007.  But I did.  I also don’t regret a thing!

I know sometimes it’s hard to look back because we believe if we do glance towards the rear that we’ll lose sight of going forward.  Other times we don’t look back because it’s ridiculously shameful to analyze your mind-state to the kind of person you were at the time and what decisions were made and how well you handled (or didn’t!) things and what words you chose and how little you knew about training and finally, how fat and out of shape you were.

There was a time where I was horrible when it came to training.  I mean mentally and physically.  I would skip the gym because of bad weather.  I would skip the gym because I was angry.  I would skip the gym because I was happy.  I would skip the gym because I got into a fight with my boyfriend.  I would whine throughout an entire set when the muscle itself was burning.  I didn’t like the burn so I would stop in the middle of the set when it became difficult.  I didn’t want to push through.  I wanted to work halfway through not the whole way.  I would often ask myself, “How are you going to get muscles when the tough gets going if you leave it untouched? ”

Half of the year I would stop going to the gym completely because I was simply unmotivated, depressed and lethargic.  I knew how to discourage myself.  Than to add fuel I was both immature and close-minded to everything surrounding fitness.  I didn’t start out always loving every workout or every exercise of every set of every rep of every burn of every resistance making me fight for what I desire.  I didn’t always start out every workout with confidence and I didn’t always want to fight for results to take place.

There was a time where I didn’t train unless my brother or a friend would come with me because I was super self-conscious and was unsure of my form if no one was there to watch and guide me even though I trained my brother and ALL my friends.  I came up with the programs for us and tailored it depending on peak times, muscle soreness, lagging body parts and such.

Many times I would tell myself, “What makes training hard is trying to get muscles because that’s more difficult than being a cardio lollipop.  Why am I even trying?  It’s no wonder why everyone stops. ”

Oh, yeah, I considered myself to be a part of the Average Joe up until 2008.  This was the first year where I went to the gym religiously.  I didn’t take a half a year hiatus and from there a new chapter of Training Life began.  I never thought to check up on things until right now.

Here’s a  old noob entry.

-Pennington